The Marauders Daughter
by xphoenixashesx
Summary: As voldemort returns, Sirius's 18 year old secret is discovered. Lena needs protection and only Hogwarts can provide it. But Sirius cant help who she falls in love with and Lena quickly falls for her potions master. Events take a turn for the worse and although Severus has finally found love, it's forbidden.
1. Chapter 1

The Marauders Daughter.

Chapter 1-Sirius's Secret.

Harry's P.O.V

"You'll have to wait a bit for dinner I'm afraid." Mrs Weasley released Harry and began a whispered conversation with the advanced guard who stood behind him. Each of the wizards passed by him, Lupin stopping and embracing Harry quickly, "Everything will be alright Harry. Just give them some time to explain." Too right. Hermione and Ron owed him a good bloody explanation for the lack of communication over the past few weeks. Anger bubbled inside him, the knowledge both had been here together over summer only adding to his earlier grievances. "Up to the third floor Harry, you're sharing with Ron. Second door on the right. Go on. Up you go. Ill shout when dinners ready." Mrs Weasley pushed him in the direction of a dark and grimy staircase which he ascended slowly, not wanting to have to see the apologetic faces of his friends he was sure he would face. He pushed the door open gently, the aged wood creaking, before being knocked down by a head of very bushy curls, "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry, Dumbledore he said…." "It's fine Hermione, I get it, don't want to cause trouble do you. But you," He glared over in Ron's direction, the ginger grimacing at finally being acknowledged. "Thought you'd leave out the bit at being here with Sirius did you. Real best mate you are." Ron could stare at only his feet. "I'm sorry mate, really I am, Mum said she'd take Pig off me and I need him you know. And she said she'd make sure she didn't pack me anything but those stupid dress robes for school. I couldn't risk it mate." Ron shook his apologetically. Harry gave in and released Hermione to embrace his friend of so many years.

"So what are we all doing here, that paper thing said the order of the phoenix?" Hermione's explanation was cut short however, when a large cracking sound announced the arrival of Ron's twin brothers Fred and George beside Harry. "Someone's here. We don't know who the hell she is but all hells broken loose downstairs and Mums screaming at Sirius." George whispered hurriedly. "You got the ears then?" Ron asked his older brother, with Fred quickly pulling what appeared to be a pair of elastic ears from his jeans pocket. "Only pair left thanks to Crookshanks" Fred shook his head and glared at Hermione. "It's not his fault he's not allowed out to hunt," she huffed rather unapologetically. They'd walked out onto the staircase quietly and now hung the ears down over the hallway. "What's going..?" Harry started but Ron quickly stood on his foot, aiming to quieten him. There was no need for the ears however. Harry didn't doubt the shouts could very well be heard all the way over in Privet Drive.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE TOLD US!? HOW SELFISH AND IGNORANT CAN ONE MAN BE!? SIRIUS WHO COULD YOU?" Mrs Weasley was one of the only women Harry had ever met who could have an hour long shouting match and not stop for breath, and he was quickly reminded of the Howler Ron had received in their second year. Harrys was very glad he wasn't Sirius at this point. "Thanks dad, seriously? I'm that important to you? Merlin's beard, I thought you'd changed, obviously not. Still keeping secrets aren't you?" A sweet young voice could be heard also challenging Harrys godfather. That couldn't be thought could it? Sirius would have told Harry if he'd had a daughter surely. Harry felt even more deceived than he had all summer. Harry pulled away and went back into his and Ron's room, only realising now that Hedwig was perched on one of the wardrobes next to a chirping pigwidgeon. She swooped down and sat on his shoulder, nipping his ear lovingly.

"Harry?" Hermione came over and sat on the floor opposite Harry on the bed, and the others gathered around him also, closing the door behind them gently. "I've got no bloody idea." Hermione and Ron shared a look Harry knew only too well meant they were holding something back from him. "Well..? Did you know?" Ron looked at Harry apologetically, " Not exactly, but Hermione thought something might be wrong, Sirius has been really snappy with her and Ginny and no one could work out why. Then Hermione heard Sirius talking to Buckbeak last week and he said something about not seeing or hearing from her in so long." Harrys mind whirred, he'd trusted Sirius and yet he'd still held back secrets.

"HARRY DOWN HERE NOW!" Mrs Weasley barked up the stairs and it obvious her mood would continue through the night. He gave Hedwig to Hermione and slowly descended downstairs and towards the door being held upon by a very red faced Mrs Weasley. Harry walked into a room he could only describe as being a dining and kitchen room, a large cauldron hissed in the fireplace in front of which stood a long oak table surrounded by wizards. At the head of the table looking anything but relaxed sat his godfather Sirius, the look he gave Harry suggesting he was being treated like a child. He noticed Lupin and Arthur sat beside Sirius with the rest of the advanced guard seated a little further up the table. However the person who caught Harry's attention did not sit at the table but stood behind it.

Long curly brown hair, not unlike her fathers surrounded her and his godfathers eyes shone back at him. Other than that, there was no comparison between father and daughter. She looked a little older than Harry and he couldn't help but grow nervous and awkward. No doubt she was beautiful and Harry was glad the room was dark, or people could have easily registered his growing blush. Her shapely legs were clad in tight dark blue denim and a black blouse hung off of her shoulders, revealing more than a little flesh. Her wrists were adorned with gleaming gold bracelets and gold hoops hung heavily from each of her ears. "Well?" She looked purposefully at her father. Harry took his eyes from her and purposely stared in his Godfathers direction. "Harry, Lena. Lena, Harry." She caught Harry's eye and he smiled softly, she returned the smile. "She's my daughter Harry." Sirius waited to see what Harrys reaction would be and Harry held out his hand to Lena. "Nice to meet you Lena." She returned his handshake and Harry took the empty seat next to Lupin. "So..? I think you've got some explaining to do." Harry acknowledged his Godfather. "All in good time, All in good time Harry."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – First Impressions.

Lena's P.O.V

Dinner was a very quiet affair. I don't think it was that people didn't have anything to say, it was just that they weren't comfortable saying it with an intruder in their midst. I'd ended up sat several people from Dad, in between Hermione and Ginny. Both seemed friendly although were much younger than I, and I quickly realised that I was one of the older children. Most of the Order was now gathered around the table and Sirius was filling in Harry on what the Order did. I'd already had this lecture and so my attention strayed, that was until a tall wizard dressed appeared in the open door frame.

"Is it really necessary for the boy to know everything Dog?" My blood boiled a little at the insult. The wizard was dressed all in black and looked to be dad's age. "As he's my godson Snivellus, I think I'll tell him what I believe is to be necessary." I watched eagerly as the two grown men swapped insults. Everyone else around the table had grown silent, yet the twins whispered between themselves and sniggered guiltily, Fred turning to me and pressing a finger to his lips. I looked on in earnest as the adults continued to argue between themselves. Even adults couldn't help it. As the wizard stood lightly into the room I took a little more notice of his features. A long nose and curtains of chin length hair framed large black eyes. As he removed his travelling cape I took in his black robes. The man looked like a bat. But as he finally took in the meal before him, his eyes flitted up to mine. I couldn't help but blush deeply as he obviously took me in as I had only seconds earlier. "A new recruit?" He snapped unhappily. "No. My daughter." Dad looked as if he knew this was going to cause a stir in the man that he obviously disliked. "Someone bred with you? Was she blind? A muggle perhaps?" The anger again bubbled within me and I rose from the table. "Pureblood actually. And the last time I checked, none of your business," my voice much stronger than I felt. I went to push past him into the corridor but he blocked my path his hands resting around my wrists, fire burning through my veins as he stared questioningly into my eyes. "Take your hands off my daughter Severus." Dad was by my side quickly, his wand at Severus's throat. He removed his hands from my wrists and knocked Dad's wand aside, sparks bouncing off the wall, yet he did not break eye contact and stood there looking at me quietly. The flames had ran my veins and its grasp pierced my heart. "Lena, sit back down." Dad ordered and I obliged begrudgingly.

Everyone was silent, not a sound could be heard. "There's enough stew if you'd like to eat with us Severus?" Molly asked quietly. Severus looked from the door and back to me, looking as if he were being pulled in two different directions. "Thank you Molly." He took the empty seat opposite me and I shrugged as Ginny nudged me. Harry pushed Dad to continue their conversation and small discussions broke out across the table. "So your seventh year Lena?" Ginny asked on my left. "Yeah, I am." " And you're coming to Hogwarts with the rest of us?" ah, now that could be a problem. "I'm not sure yet." "We have to speak to Dumbledore first, he might not want a troublemaker in his school." "I left by choice Dad, not force." I shook my head regrettably. So it came to this again. "You were excluded? What school?" Fred seemed eager across the table. "No I left because I hated it, Dad doesn't want to admit he chose the wrong school. Beauxbatons." Stupid school with its stupid students. "So you used to live with your mum?" I answered Ginny's question with a nod not wanting to go into the matter further. I caught Dad's eye and he looked at me sadly. "Why didn't you go back to her then instead of coming over here? Don't you miss her?" My heart stopped. I couldn't do this. Not now. "Lena, Buckbeak's upstairs, why don't you go an' pay him a visit." Dads voice echoed somewhere in my mind. I pushed back my chair and left quietly. I couldn't do it, the apologetic faces and sympathetic hugs. I'd let him explain.

Sirius's P.O.V

"Sirius?" Ginny asked rather quietly. I waited a little to answer, to ensure Lena couldn't hear. "Her mother's gone Ginny. Yaxley's lot got her before Christmas. I stayed over in Europe, in the caves above Beauxbatons to be close to her. They found the body off the South of France. She's been a mess ever since. She should be with her Grandparents in France but she wants to be here. Can't stand the girls at the damn school. They keep baiting her." I shifted in my seat and reached for my firewhisky. Molly reached out and took my hand. Harry looked rather uncomfortable beside me. "You aren't the only one Harry, to lose their mother to those people." Harry nodded. "Just don't treat her like a leper. She needs normal." I nodded at Ginny and she understood.

Molly began collecting the plates and they flew towards the sink, dropping into a bath of soapy water, as they began to clean themselves. The kids left the table and we all began doing our little jobs. It was my fault really. The death eaters knew Maria was communicating with me and knew by getting at her, they knew it would kill that last bit of hope within me. I needed Lena here to protect her. Dumbledore would agree to keep her at Hogwarts and everything would be okay. It had to be.

"Why didn't you tell me Sirius? Maria? I would have been there for you." Remus sat beside me, worry etched across his face. "I didn't know till after we'd lost James and Lily. She owled me. I got carted off to Azkaban and that was it. She visited me when she could and then I only got to meet Lena when Harry freed me. I stayed with Maria for a while, came over here for Harry and then she was gone." "She's beautiful Sirius. She's going to be okay. No doubt the twins will look after her." The older men glanced towards the boys who were sat pulling faces at one another, fondling their chests and pretending to stroke long, non-existent hair. They stopped short realising they were being watched and looked away quickly. The two older men laughed quietly. "She can hole her own. She'll be fine." Sirius reassured himself.

Lena's P.O.V.

Buckbeak's feathers were soft beneath my fingertips and I couldn't help but stare into those large black eyes, staring straight back at me. They were no different to the ones that had me bewitched. Merlin. He was so much older but his eyes. They looked back at her with all the youth and life of someone her own age. "I did not mean to offend you downstairs." My head whipped around, those eyes had found me yet again. "Your father and I, we don't exactly see eye to eye." The corner of his mouth turned up slightly. "My mother was a good woman and did not deserve such a vile, dark comment. She died the death of criminal although the worst shed done in life was carry the daughter of an accused murderer." He grimaced, my words stinging obviously. "Sorry. I just can't stand it right now. People don't talk about her and then you finally do and you make comments like that." I smiled weakly. He picked up one of the rats and through it at beaky, who grabbed it quickly in his beak. "You don't have to bow to him?" confused as he stood beside me to stroke back the feathers on beaky's joints. "We're old friends now aren't we beaky." Beaky responded to his comment and nuzzled his palm. "I come up here after meetings and think things through." I nodded to show my understanding and our hands brushed gently against one another. It sent jolts of electricity through my spine and we looked at each other quickly before looking away in embarrassment. Did that mean he felt it too? "So what do you do for the order?" He didn't look too pleased with the comment and frowned. "I'm a double agent." I whipped around shocked. "Seriously? Figures." "How come?" "All the black." He laughed. "So what do you do if you're not spying." He sniggered at his role being described as such. "I'm a professor at Hogwarts. Potions." "Oh. Well that's great. I mean, I love potions." A teacher!? Seriously. "Yeah, I know right. A teacher. And that will probably make you my student." They both looked at each other, ashamed.

"Dumbledore hasn't actually offered me a place yet, so I guess that means I'm not a student, at least not yet." "That, Miss Black, is something we can work with."


	3. Chapter 3

Lena's P.O.V

"_Dumbledore hasn't actually offered me a place, so I guess that means I'm not a student, at least not yet." "That, Miss Black, is something we can work with."_

Did he really just say that, oh Merlin. Ahhhh! He obviously thought the way I did. I smiled up at him innocently. "Something we can work with? I'm not quite sure I understand… Professor." He looked down at me with a serious expression on his face. "Severus, please. I'm not your professor yet. And until that time when you are in my classroom, I see you as nothing more than a very beautiful girl." I blushed deeply. "My father certainly won't see it that way" "We need to do nothing more than get to know one another," he whispered, warm breath in my ear. "Now that doesn't sound like a bad idea." Bravely I brushed my hand over his, "no one's ever called me beautiful before," I blushed shyly and turned to leave, making sure to swing my hips a little as I walked from the room.

Severus's P.O.V

Within minutes of seeing those eyes, she had me. Lily still filled my dreams nightly and she was never far from my mind, especially when Potter stood in my dungeon, but it was as if that little part of me where Lily still resided had burnt up and had been replaced by this raven haired beauty. She was young. Too young. And Sirius's daughter. Merlin, what a way to get back at him after all these years. No Severus. The idea rotted in my mind. She was not a tool. She was a child. A beautiful, tempting child.

His comments had been too ruthless, evil even and he hated himself for muttering such words. He'd followed after her, hoping to apologise but when she'd exploded at him in such a way, he felt his apology unnecessary. Every time he'd touched her so far, he'd felt as if every nerve ending was going to explode. Every word he spoke to her, he sounded like a love struck teenager, not a 35 year old man.

When I saw that she was in Buckbeak's room, I quietly followed her in and watched as she spoke to the hippogriff in hushed tones. Looking at her from behind you'd think her more than her 17 years. Lush curves and falling dark locks. How badly I wanted to reach up and hold those curls before smashing my lips against hers. Calm yourself Severus.

As she walked away from me however, I could do nothing but stare. She knew I was watching her, her hips swinging suggestively as she walked from me to the door. The sweet smell of Peonies mesmerised my every sense. One day I was going to have that girl, no matter what her father or anyone else thought.

I fed Bucky another rat and left him to sleep. Dumbledore was on his way and another assignment that would no doubt lead me away from 12 Grimmauld place, and when I saw Albus's face on entering the kitchen, I knew it wouldn't be good.

Lena's P.O.V

I woke with a start, another dream speckled with visions of my mother's body washed up on a sandy beach. I lay still in the 4 poster in the room Dad said could be mine. Mione and Ginny had helped me scrub the carpet and walls clean. We'd removed all the curtains and molly had anti-jinxed them. Dad swore his mother and cursed all the furniture so every precaution was being taken.

Severus had left the night she had arrived and had yet to return. His eyes had haunted her ever since and she knew they would continue to do so until she saw him again. Rising quietly I grabbed my towel and made my way to the bathroom where I allowed the water to wash over me before adding copious amounts of Mrs Wisps anti frizz potion to my hair. I wrapped the towel around me and brushed my teeth.

People had begun moving around downstairs and I didn't worry about making too much noise as I went out into the corridor, where I reverberated off what appeared to be a brick wall. Hands grasped my shoulders to steady me and my hands instinctively reached up to support myself. It wasn't a wall. And as Severus reached down to push hair from my face I clutched tightly at the towel wrapped around me. "Hello." My voice was soft and quiet and he chuckled a reply, "Hey Lena." I felt the blush creep not only over my cheeks but down my neck and onto my chest. Being this close to him, the height difference was obvious; I was at least 6 inches shorter than him. "You've been gone for so long." I sounded pathetic, but I wanted to know where he'd been and didn't want to sound like I was prying. "Yes, but I'm back now," and when he smiled I noticed how it didn't quite reach his eyes. We both looked at each other for longer than necessary, before realising how we must look. "I'd better..." I'd begun before he reached up and cupped my face in his hands. "I..I..I'm.." I felt as if someone had hit me with a jelly leg curse and I was glad of his hands supporting my weight. His face came closer to mine and I couldn't help but pull closer to him also. He placed the gentlest of kisses upon my lips and I reacted by kissing back just a little harder, not sure whether id get another chance when I told him the news. He seemed a little shocked before he kissed back just that little bit harder; I felt my heart begin to race and body burn.

Realising we were stood at the top of the stairs I turned Severus around and guided him to my room, where after entering, I was pushed gently up against the bedroom door. I broke away slowly, my head racing with explosions and fireworks. He rested his forehead against mine and laughed quietly, his heart beating a rapid pulse against my chest. I released my grip on the towel willing it to stay where it was and rested my palm against his cheek. "Your freezing," he placed his hand protectively over mine upon his cheek. "I'm a student." His eyes flicked to mine. A second's pause when I was sure my heart had shrunk. He drove me forcefully up against the door causing it to creak in its frame and pushed his lips fervently against mine, goading me into allowing his tongue access into my mouth. I obliged willingly and met every thrust of his tongue with my own. I'd gone from my first kiss only moments earlier to being propelled into a soaring passionate embrace against the back of my bedroom door.

I felt my towel begin to slip and only now realised I was a few inches above the ground. I pulled away gently from Severus and rested regrettably back on earth, my toes curling into the worn carpet. "I, I don't even know what to say." I felt like a child yet again. He retreated slowly back and sank down onto the bed. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry Lena." I took his hand in mine and crouched down in front of him. "It's okay Severus. I kissed you back. And it wasn't exactly softly." She knew this herself as her lips now felt bruised and she longed for nothing more to reach up and touch them. "You said you wouldn't accept me as a student until I'm stood in your classroom, and so until then, I'm going to act like that very beautiful girl you described, and you can do what you want." I got up from where he sat, placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head and moving around to find clothes for the day. Until now I hadn't noticed the change in him, but now it was clear to see. His hair was freshly washed and did not hang in the lank curtains it had on our first meeting, his musky smell lingered in my head and I could see he held his head a little higher, his face now younger than both my father and Remus's, although previously it could be said they looked younger, even though Remus's scars aged him. I was wrestling a vest top from the drawer when I felt warm hands toss my hair over my left shoulder and wrap themselves around my waist, a mouth at my neck laying gentle butterfly kisses across my collarbone. I rested back in his arms and stroked his thumb with my own. A warm pooling began in my stomach and knew I'd have to allow him to release me soon or I'd push him back onto my bed and force him to take me.

Footsteps fell upon the staircase and I quickly pushed Severus away and looked at him frantically. He'd have nowhere to run. A knock rattled the door against the frame and I asked begrudgingly "who is it?" "It's Remus Lena. Molly wanted me to tell you breakfast's ready. Are you okay in there? Can I come in? " He'd obviously heard the panic in my voice. Damn Remus. I motioned for Severus to turn from me and I quickly dressed, pulling on underwear and a brown cotton slip dress with flats, "Everything's fine Remus, you can come in." Merlin let me lie. Remus entered cautiously and was visibly shocked at the presence of Severus in my bedroom. "Professor Snapes just come to apologise for last time. Did you say breakfast was ready? Great." I made to leave but the two men stood staring each other down. It was clear both had their hands ready to clasp their wands. "Remus, are you coming? It smells like pancakes, aren't they your favourite?" I glanced wearily between the men and Remus appeared to shake from whatever position his thoughts had held him in. "Yes, you remembered. And I think Molly whipped up maple syrup just for you." He took my arm and guided me away from Severus down to the kitchen.

Nobody appeared impressed by Severus's presence at the breakfast table, least of all Dad. Everyone was eagerly discussing whether Harry would get expelled or not, as today was the day of his hearing and he and Arthur had already left for the day. Hermione looked the least impressed by the discussion and I placed my hand gently upon hers. She acknowledged me and gave a small smile. It appeared Remus and Sirius knew Harry would be okay, yet Severus was arguing a rather convincing case against him. "Well its true isn't it? What Professor Snape's saying. We know Harrys innocent but Fudge wants him out of the public eye and what better way than removing his privileges and destroying his wand." Severus looked shocked at my support but the reaction that was least expected was that of my father who stood as if to attention, "So you think he'll be proved guilty? You don't want him to get off do you!? That's what this is. I haven't paid you enough attention and now you want Harry gone so I'll pay attention to only you. You selfish spoilt brat Lena." Tears sprung to my eyes and I retreated quickly to the kitchen door, only to hear both Remus and Severus pleading my case to my father. "She's right Sirius, we've been saying it all summer in the Order." Remus was attempting to calm him, but Severus took a different approach and instead took Sirius by the throat and pushed him up against the back wall. "How can you treat her that way? Your only daughter. You're the spoilt one Dog. You don't realise what you've got. You're taking it out on her for how you've treated her, paying more attention to Potter because you think you've got that egotistical prat back." Remus was attempting to claw Severus from Dad but all I could do was stand in the doorway and watch. "None of you can leave it can you?! You treat one another as if you're all still sixteen running around Hogwarts. Can you not see your hurting her?" Hermione was crying for me and only now did I realise my throat was thick and my eyes would not stop running. Severus dropped Dad quickly and made as if to comfort me but realised his place quickly, allowing it to be Remus and Dad that caught me as I fell, tears racking my body. "I'm sorry darling. I should never have acted such away. I'm sorry. Forgive me please." Dad stroked my hair away from my eyes and Remus's hand held mine gently, his thumb rubbing circles across my palm. Anger and pain felt as if it was being washed from my veins with every tender stroke he played across my hand. Only now did I look up and see the obvious remorse in Remus's eyes. Dad was hugging me a little too tightly and I made to move away from him. "It's okay Dad. You're bored, angry and tired. Everything's too much. The Order, Harry. Me. I shouldn't have come." My mouth felt dry and everyone watched as I was comforted by the older gentlemen. "Yes, you should have. I need you. I'm sorry love, I'll try harder." Dad kissed me lightly on the forehead and I removed myself from his arms. "Thank you Professor Snape, but I'd really rather you didn't hold my father in a death grip again." And with that, I grabbed my hoodie and stormed from the front door. Grandmother's portrait screams following me down the path and along Grimmauld Place.

That house was evil and only evil could come from it.


	4. Chapter 4

**A dire disappearance. **

Lena's P.O.V

It was still early morning and an icy wind whipped my hair around my face. I reached back and pulled my hood roughly over my hair. "Lena! Wait up!" I didn't turn or slow down, just continued to walk at the same pace. There were two loud cracking sounds and arms linked my own, either side of mine. "Trying to escape?" one twin sniggered. "How did you guess?" I laughed back bitterly. They began to swing me between the two of them like I'd seen so many parents do with their young children, and I felt as if I was five years old again. We giggled and messed around, just walking, and before we knew it we'd stumbled upon a kid's playground. George got himself stuck on the slide and so used his want to reduce the size of his hips, only realising after that he didn't know the enlargement charm. Explaining that to Molly would be very funny and something I didn't want to miss. And as George pushed me on the swing it became obvious that he was having difficulty keeping his too large jeans upon his hips. Fred took over and pushed me twice as hard so that George and I ( George was sat on the swing beside me) were quickly racing to touch the top of the swing bar. When we finally left the park, the sun was already low over the horizon and the boys were moaning about how hungry they were.

As I pushed open the door into 12 Grimmauld place, we were welcomed by loud chatter and realised quickly that Harry had gotten off due to the huge banner slung across the kitchen wall. The boys left me to congratulate Harry and Dad was quick to corner me. "I'm sorry Lena. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. I was hideous, I'm sorry. Please can you forgive me?" I wrapped Dad into a hug. He hadn't had company in so long that I couldn't really blame him for lashing out. He'd been on the run for two years and finally been able to come home only to have a whole house of guests thrust upon him. It wasn't his fault. Nobody had really allowed him time to breath. "It's okay Dad. I'm fine." Seeing Harry was stood alone after finishing a conversation with Moody I decided now was the time to congratulate him and did so quickly and quietly. I held my butterbeer tightly and took a slow glance of the room. "He's not here." Harry said quietly beside me. "Dumbledore's sent him away again." I looked at him stunned. "He's been different since you've been here. Quieter. Kinder. He hasn't called Sirius Dog continuously and he doesn't glare at me anymore. Whatever you've done, it's worked. Just be careful Lena. He's never been loved before." I looked away from him ashamed. It was that obvious? Or only to Harry? "It's okay. No one else has realised. They've been to blinded by my business to notice yours." Harry walked away and went to join Ron in a game of Wizard chess.

By 11 o'clock everyone was tired and full and quietly everyone left for bed. Dad and I were the last after helping Molly clean the dishes, and I left Dad on the second floor to climb up to my third. But when I opened the door to my room, I was hit by a fragrant wall. Peony petals fell from the ceiling like pale pink snowflakes. A layer of the copious blooms lay over the floor and I laughed heartily, tears streaming down my face. As I walked towards the bed I noticed corpulent dark pink blooms spelt out a word I was become accustomed to,

Sorry.

The week after Harry's trial, the previous weight that had smothered the house had clearly disappeared. I'd begun taking Dad for walks as Snuffles, and he was much happier for the air and space, while he had begun spending time with Harry and I as a family unit. It was weird. As if Harry and I were siblings and Sirius our father. It became clear however that Severus had been right in that Dad slipped sometimes and called Harry James, times at which I'd smile sympathetically at Harry, who would act as if his name really was James and carry on as normal. Harry and I had got into a sort of routine. We'd take Dad out after breakfast and discuss Hogwarts and the Order before spending time with Dad with Buckbeak or clearing the attic, a job which Dad made clear should be completed by us due to the sensitive nature and we quickly realised his reasoning when looking through photo albums and diaries. Dirty death eaters and dark wizards plagued out family history. After Lunch we'd aid Molly in clearing the many rooms 12 Grimmauld place held, we'd seen Bogarts, Nargles and found a large family of Pixies nesting in one of the bathroom closets.

Members of the Order dropped in continuously and aided us with clearing or helped Ginny and Harry catch up on work they hadn't completed yet for school. Fred and George spent as much time as possible locked up in the room they shared, (random explosions could be heard throughout the day) and left only for meals, when after Dinner we'd all gather in the kitchen and play wizard games or discuss Order matters, much to Molly's dismay.

The Thursday after Harry's trial the Order had gathered for the weekly meeting which Sirius begrudgingly asked Harry and I to leave on Molly's orders. The meeting seemed to last hours and I spent the time in the attic looking through my Grandmothers diaries with Kreacher for company. Although Dad hated the elf, I found him interesting and he'd taken a liking to me on hearing his master hadn't gone completely off the rails and had in fact "mated" (as he put it) with a pureblood. But when Molly shouted for Dinner everyone scrambled down in a mad rush to catch the Order as some members left. After conjuring extra chairs for the dinner guests we all gathered around the table to eat Molly's stew, something we'd all become accustomed to on Thursdays as she always allowed it to cook while the meetings occurred. Unlike usually, none of the adults engaged in conversation and instead Fred and George tried aimlessly to make Remus and Arthur laugh by replacing the meat of Mundungus's stew with rubber chunks, which didn't fail to make the younger witches and wizards to laugh, but couldn't seem to shake the adults into a reaction. I watched as Dad and Moody shared a dark look. "Dad? What's happened?" I couldn't help it as the question tumbled awkwardly from my mouth. "Nothing Darling, nothing." He didn't look me in the eye but instead looked down into his meal and refused to look up. "Liar," Harry muttered to himself. This would have been acceptable if normal conversation had resumed, but even the twins had been shocked by my comment and hadn't continued their poor attempts at humour. Dad shook his head and Molly nagged that Harry shouldn't make such a comment about his Godfather, but the younger wizards and witches around the table couldn't help but look at one another. They were hiding something and the sombre mood of the meeting was dragging us all down when we'd all become rather accustomed to a light hearted mood.

"Maybe we should tell them. It will affect them no doubt." Moody looked from Dad to Remus and both looked almost reproachful, however Molly squeaked up "No. No, there's no need for them to know. They'll only worry." "As if you aren't worrying Mum." Ron shook his head and started to collect the plates using his wand to levitate them to the sink where they automatically washed themselves. "Albus hasn't heard from Snape. He was only supposed to be gone a day and it's been a week." My heart skipped a beat, my mouth went dry. "Not a word? An owl?" Harry was looking straight at me as if he thought I might know something, but his question was aimed at the adults. "Nothing. He'll be okay. Voldemort wouldn't hurt him. He knows he's the best pawn he's got." Dad looked up and addressed the table "Snape is good at what he does. He knows the right words and how to act. He'll be fine." Everyone went silent and I couldn't breathe. Moving off to do different jobs, some members leaving for the night, I was left alone at the table. I forced myself to stand and take one of the armchairs at the fireplace, lighting a fire using my wand. I lay with my head back and eyes closed. He'd be fine. Dad's words echoed in my head and I forced myself to believe them. Dad came towards me now and stroked the hair back from my face. "He can handle it love. He's not Mum." I sighed and Dad transformed. A large black Dog lay at my feet and I stroked him continuously until hours later I found myself being awoken by a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Bed now love, come on." Dad was back to being Dad and he led me quietly up to my bed. After changing quickly I crawled into my bed and Dad kissed me goodnight after pulling the heavy curtains across the windows, leaving me to what would be a sleepless night.

I lay for hours, having the nap now meant I couldn't sleep at all. Every time I tried to drift off I thought of Mum's body and then it would be replaced by Severus's. Although I barely knew him, I felt as though I'd finally found a piece of me that I hadn't realised was missing until I felt the touch of his skin against mine. Giving up on sleep, I crawled out of bed and tiptoed down the stairs into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of warm milk and went to take my seat at the fire, hoping to warm my feet and recover my nap from earlier when I heard the gently click of the front door. My hand flew to my right hip where I usually placed my wand and realising it wasn't there due to my pj's I grabbed a knife from the side cupboard. What kind of person came into the house at this time of night, as far as I was aware everyone else was upstairs sleeping. The tall figure came to stand in the doorway, a limp obvious in their walk.

There, stood in the open doorway, was a man I barely recognised. Blood matted his hair and he clutched his left side which hung limply. Blood splattered robes and a bruised face.

Severus had come home.


	5. Chapter 5

_**The many wounds and temptations of Severus Snape**_

_There, stood in the open doorway, was a man I barely recognised. Blood matted his hair and he clutched his left side which hung limply. Blood splattered robes and a bruised face._

_Severus had come home. _

The knife dropped from my hand and I reached back to support myself on the cabinets. I rushed towards him and he stood looking down at me. I helped him down the step into the kitchen and pulled him towards my chair. I supported his weight as he sat gently and I turned from him, not daring to look at the injuries. I went to Dads drink cabinet and took out the firewhisky. I through a large amount into a glass for him and poured some in with my milk, taking large gulps of the strong concoction. "I should get Molly." "Lena." Tears streamed down my cheeks, he was broken. Terribly broken. He made to get up when I turned towards him crying but stopped as pain gripped his body. I rushed towards him and took his face gently in my palm. His eyes were bruised and his cheeks swelled and cut. My finger flicked gently across his bruised lips and I placed the gentlest of kisses upon them. His breath caught and he sighed, taking the glass of firewhisky from my hand. He chocked some of it down and held my hand gently in his. "I really should get Molly." I looked into his eyes, but he couldn't hold my gaze. "No. It's fine..." "Severus, it's hardly fine." I went to the sink and poured a small amount of water into it and grabbed the softest cloth I could find. Sitting down in-front of him I began to slowly wash the blood from his face. Every time he flinched I'd make to stop but he'd pull my hand back up and continue to wash his face. We sat and I worked in silence. His face was clean within a matter of minutes and I made to start work of his side but he stopped me, I noticed the left arm on his robe was torn and as he held my hand stopping me work, I made with my other hand and pulled the sleeve up.

My stomach turned and I ran to vomit in the sink. I held my head and tried to focus. I took several more gulps of my milk and felt fresh tears make their way down my face. "Lena, I'm sorry. Maybe you should get Molly." I placed my milk on the table and made my way over to the alcohol cabinet again. Finding something that resembled Muggle Vodka I grabbed a clean cloth and sat back down beside him. The dark mark was almost black as I began to rub the alcohol gently over it. Severus cried out and I stopped and pressed a kiss against his lips as hard as I could without hurting his already sore lips. Tears began again and I noticed they were mingling with the ones that now ran from his own eyes. Several large scratches tore his arm, the tattoo barely recognisable. It was killing me to cause him pain but I had to do it. I rubbed it gently once more and he cried out again, and his cry was again replaced my mouth upon his. For every stroke of the alcohol I smothered his cries with kisses, each one harder than the last as the scars grew deeper the closer I came to his wrist. Slowing I realised what had happened and gently pulled up his right sleeve. Only one cut lay here but it was deep and straight across his wrist. They'd tried to bleed him. The urge to sob and run from the room was almost unimaginable but I forced myself to sit and continue the cleaning process. When I'd cleaned the remainder of his arms, it came to cleaning his left side. He started to unbutton the front of his robes but the pain this caused him was obvious and I replaced his hands with my own, gently unbuttoning the small black buttons that lined his chest. I pushed back the fabric and several deep bloody scores lined his left side. I gently pushed the robes from his arms and shoulder so that he now sat in-front of me, his chest exposed. My eyes raked his body. He was well defined and his muscles looked powerful. He lifted my chin so I looked him straight on and he kissed me more passionately than I'd kissed him. My fingers trailed a path down his chest, but he flinched when my fingertips brushed the bruises on his ribs and I was quickly alerted to the wounds in-front of me. I repeated the cleaning process again and after it was finished I grabbed a roll of bandaging from Molly's medicine cabinet beneath the sink. I wrapped the scars on his wrists and then his chest carefully, but the wounds on his wrists had already begun to bleed through. I made to remove the wrapping but Severus grabbed my hand to stop me. His exhaustion was obvious now and I made a decision quickly in my mind. I grabbed his robe shirt and threw it over my arm before helping Severus to his feet. I placed his arm around my waist and helped him walk up to my room, each step slow and painful. When we reached my room I pushed open the door gently and led him to my bed. He wouldn't sit so I took his hand and pulled him down beside me and there we lay, he held my waist gently as I lay on my side to face him and again I got lost in the black pools of his eyes. "You should sleep." I didn't know whether I trusted myself to fall asleep next to him and feared I'd have to stay awake to watch him sleeping to make sure he really was safe and wasn't going to die on me. I took his hand in mine and shuffled myself closer to him, placing my hand on his shoulder, feeling the strength in his arms, wishing he was able to hold me. Within moments I knew I was asleep and that night there were no nightmares.

Severus's P.O.V

My dreams were clouded with images of a pretty teenage girl in a towel and I imagined lying with her, my hands caressing every inch of that porcelain skin. When I woke Lena lay dreaming and I watched as her chest rose and fell with every breath. I stroked a stray hair that had fallen across her face as she slept and she moved slightly so that her head lay against my bare chest so I lay my arm gently around her. The bandages that covered my wrists were bloody and would need changing. I wouldn't put her through that again. She'd been so close to vomiting the night before and it had done nothing to stem the fear I'd felt at her seeing my dark mark for the first time. She was the first to see that for a long time.

I still felt weak and knew I would until I'd drunk a replenishing potion. I quickly realised I would be relying on Molly Weasley to help regain my strength. They'd taken so much from me, but I knew I'd be forced to return yet again under Albus's orders. I had no more free will than Potter did. Sad how he had yet to realise he was just a pawn in Albus's much greater game. It was so much bigger than any of the children realised. To them the Order was fun, exciting even, but to the adults, the ones actually taking orders it was much more than that, and for I it was the worst punishment. The regime had taken so much from us last time, the fight for good and evil, and we'd all been forced to take sides. An on-going battle to kill or be killed. The children would know nothing of its true force until they lost something, one of their own, and then the change would be irreversible.

This was no more obvious than in Lena's behaviour. She'd lost her mother to people she'd never met and because of a father she'd never seen, let alone had a chance to love, to be now with only him. She didn't laugh as Potter and Weasley did, did not have the same fight that Granger had, but she did have that pure ability to question everything and if needs must use her anger to get her an answer. She was clever and quick, that much was clear after her actions the night before. She had not run like weaker may, and had been quick to come to my aid even though I must have looked a monster. I'd be careful. Not rushing her into anything. I couldn't act as I had before now, pushing until she called me up for it. I would allow every choice to be hers.

Her age of course would play a part in our relationship. It was true that when she was in my classroom she'd see no favouritism or love; I'd treat her as any other. But in every other way id favour her above all others. No physical relationship could be played out at school; there was too much risk for both of us. But we could talk and show our emotions in other ways, such as those of how I'd apologised to her last time. The peonies. It had worked obviously, but not a second of my time away was spent not wishing I could contact her, apologise verbally, not knowing whether a lovesick teenager's act of floating flowers would be enough. Every curse, every jinx, I'd faced with her face in my mind. Hoping above all else that I would survive just to see that face and smell that sickly sweet smell I now associated only with her.

A small movement of her hand to my cheek was enough to awaken me to the fact that she'd awoken to find me watching her. I smiled and kissed her palm, reaching my hand to shelter hers. "Your wrists Severus." A frown played across her face and I couldn't bare the look of worry in her eyes. "Snake Venom. It won't heal for a while." And her eyes swept the length of my chest to where the bandages and bed sheets beneath me were soaked in my blood. "Severus you should have woken me. Are you in pain?" "None," I lied. The venom burnt through my veins as if destroying every vessel and nerve, but laying here beside her, her cold breath blowing across my face, those huge brown eyes looking up into mine, the pain was only a murmur in my mind.

She reached up and kissed me gently, my still bruised lips stinging with the pressure, but I held on and rolled onto my back pulling her on top of me. My tongue flew across the inside of her mouth and her tongue danced with mine as I my wrapped around her waist, holding her too me. The pain in my side burned like hell, but if hell was where I was going I'd take this moment with me. Her hands reached up and wrapped themselves in my hair and I couldn't help but taking a handful of those heavy curls in my fist and tugging on them a little. She reacted by pulling at my own hair and shifting her legs so that she straddled by bruised body. I felt my hand move from her waist and rest under her slip camisole at the small off her back. Only when she broke the kiss to kneel above me and look down at me with those huge russet eyes did I realise how sheer it was, and felt my stomach flip in response. She however felt another piece of my anatomy react and those eyes glowed cheekily, a guilty smile appearing on her face as she tipped her curls over her chest to cover the origin of my predicament. She was so perfect and I wanted nothing more than to turn her over and take her here and now. "Come on you, you need to talk to my Dad, and we need to change those bandages." She slipped away from me and began to grab and pull on clothes. On orders I averted my eyes and attempted to pull on my own robes. I couldn't get my arm in the sleeve, all power leaving my arms and Lena was quickly at my side, sliding my arm into the correct position. She was now fully clothed and wore a pair of skin-tight brown jeans and a tight white vest with thin lace straps. I groaned and she laughed innocently. Merlin. Control was difficult to keep under such a beautiful temptation, and beautiful she was.


	6. Chapter 6

Lena's P.O.V

Descending the stairs was much easier for Severus than ascending them and as we reached the second floor a door opened. I stopped quickly but Harry came to our side, unquestioning, taking Severus's weight with me and we were quickly at the kitchen door. I heard Dad and Molly's voices and knew we were heading for trouble. How could I explain coming to Severus's aid and then allowing everyone to sleep on unaware while I hid him away in my bedroom, in my bed. The bloody sheets in a pool at the foot of my bed sprung to mind and I felt my heart rate increase dangerously. I pushed the door open gently as I watched Dads face drop and hear the clunk as Molly dropped the kettle she'd only just been filling. "Oh Merlin," Molly clamped her hand over her mouth in shock and stood as if frozen. Dad quickly came to my side and helped support Severus's weight until he was sat almost comfortably in the fireside chair. "Molly, quick, call the Order." "No dad, please, he needs to rest." Dad looked from me to Severus who nodded agreeing. "Tea then Molly."

When everyone had a mug firmly clasped between their hands, all those but Severus who appeared to have lost all strength and so now I passed him it when he gestured. "You didn't think it important to tell one of us? Thought you'd handle it yourself?" Dad's anger had boiled to the surface again and Harry held my hand quietly under the table in support. "Sirius, Lena doesn't matter right now. She did as I asked," Severus spoke up for me and Harry squeezed my hand reassuringly. Dad shook his head and I stood to help Molly remove and change Severus's dressings but Dad motioned for me to sit. I did as told and Harrys hand now squeezed my knee as tears stung my eyes. Always the villain. "They know Albus is guarding it and think I should have known when to intervene to allow him a clear path to it. Nagini's been keeping guard and she's passed on descriptions of guards to him. He wants it Sirius. Badly. I've been sent as a warning to Albus that if guards remain outside, they'll face worse." My veins felt as if ice blocked any flow of blood to my heart and I quickly found myself struggling for breath, a reassuring hand squeeze from Harry however and my breathing returned somewhat to normal. A warning, that was all this was. Disobedience would lead to worse. Harry appeared to be concentrating a little more to what they were actually talking about but my thoughts were trained on the wounds that Molly had now revealed. "Lena darling, why don't you grab those sheets and ill scrub them clean." I left the kitchen quietly and traipsed back upstairs to collect the sheets. The sight of the blood shocked me yet again and I passed quickly to the bathroom where I lay upon the floor, vomiting into the toilet. "Lena?" Harry pushed the door gently open and I sat up quickly, attempting to push myself up but finding that I didn't have the strength. Harry put an arm beneath my shoulders and lifted me gently. I sat cautiously on the edge of the bath, all too aware that on standing my stomach had taken an almighty twist. Harry took the sheets from my clenched fist and sat beside me, placing a gentle arm behind me as if scared I may fall. "He's fine Lena. He's stronger than you think." I shook my head, unable to find the energy to answer verbally. As the tears swelled in my eyes I placed a hand on Harrys shoulder and cried helplessly into his chest.

Harry's P.O.V

Lena's tears eventually dried up but her grip on my shoulder was much firmer. She really had been thrown into the deep end. Since Snape had left she'd been much happier although I couldn't help but notice the moments when she'd stop and her eyes would cloud over, Snape obviously playing on her mind. I won't lie, I would always detest the man but since Lena had been around he hadn't seemed as harsh. But if he hurt Lena, I'd tell Sirius in a heartbeat. It was hard to believe she was only two years older than Ron and I, I suppose having Fred and George around, we hadn't always had the greatest role models for that age, but Lena was different. She seemed older and I could see how Snape had been attracted to her. She was obviously attractive and kind, but she had an intelligence to rival Hermione's and a confidence and anger to rival any Death Eater. Looking at Snape all bandaged up I'd seen the wrappings around his arms and knew that Lena, having patched him up, would have seen his dark mark, and I couldn't help but feel her behaviour now resulted from the shock of seeing it, knowing it had been death eaters who had tortured and killed her mother.

She still refused to talk about her Mum but Sirius had spoken about in the hours we'd spent feeding Buckbeak. The look on Sirius's face when he spoke about Maria told me how much he'd loved her and I recognised now that not only had I lost my parents but Sirius had lost his only love and had missed bringing Lena up. I don't know which was worse, having no parents or knowing you had a parent out there who you had yet to meet and had instead chosen not to know you.

Lena finally relented her grasp and I helped her stand. I wiped the remainder of the tears from her face and she smiled weakly. I took the pile of bloody sheets and carried them quietly down the stairs and walked into a kitchen full of confused faces.


	7. Chapter 7

Lena's P.O.V

The days since Severus's return passed slowly. Ron, Hermione and Ginny had been shocked by his presence and awkwardness had taken rise in the house the first day of his arrival, although this quickly died down when they realised he was here to cause no harm. I'd moved down into Harry and Ron's room so that Severus could take my bed but I had quickly learnt that Ron slept heavily and Harry wouldn't comment so I'd taken to slipping out of bed and joining Severus in my own. Severus didn't feel as much pain and was finding it much easier to move around and so when Ginny found herself stuck on the potions work he'd set her, he'd sat down and helped her with it. Hermione wasn't so eager to take any help and so had struggled through a potions essay that she had yet to finish, Harry however, shocked me the most.

Only three days after Severus had arrived, Harry had come downstairs carrying his potions book and had asked Severus to sit with him and run him through sleeping draughts. Severus obliged and they were still working three hours later when Molly and I called everyone to lunch. Dad spent most of the meal throwing questioning glances towards Harry, obviously disturbed by Harry's eagerness to spend time with Severus. After lunch we all continued to help Molly rid the house of the foul creatures that had taken over what appeared to be every room of the house. Harry and Severus had packed up and started working down in the parlour, as we took on the colossal task of riding the library from pixies that had nested behind every bookcase, laying their tiny eggs in many of the ancient books. As we removed each one by hand, cautious not to burst any of them and release the poison inside that Remus promised would burn away our fingerprints, we discovered ancient books that contained images British witch persecution through the ages, various disturbing illustrations describing how women had been burnt alive, calling for their children and husbands. I was flicking through one of these books, removing the tiny eggs cautiously when Remus let out a shrill scream and all turned to face him. I placed my book carefully down and rushed to Remus's side, an egg being dropped on him from a great height by a pixie angered by the disturbance of her nest. Small blisters were appearing where the egg had caught him on the arm and Molly quickly applied the salve she'd had to hand when we'd begun. "Thanks Molly." Remus flinched as she rubbed the salve in gently but other than that showed no emotion and being targeted by an angry pixie. "Well you should take some time out, the poison will hit your system quick enough and you won't be able to stand." She turned to take Remus out of the room, instructed Hermione and I to take care and watch the others. Fred and George however had other ideas and one twin would throw an egg at the other, the other quickly flashing up a shield charm so that the egg would rebound off of it and hit one a piece of furniture. "BOYS BEHAVE! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" Molly stormed off towards them bellowing what I could only work out to be an order for me to take Remus downstairs and make him tea. She was quickly turning me into a mini Molly and I wondered whether I'd have the kind of patience and love she had for her children, even though they did everything in their power to disturb the peace she worked so hard to create for them.

Happily I left the library, having seen enough disturbing images for one day and on reaching the kitchen boiled the copper kettle that stood above the open fire. Remus took a chair at the table and placing tea in-front of him, I took the chair beside him.

Since my arrival I'd spent many evenings discussing the Order with Remus and Dad so I was comfortable to spend time alone with him, although his first topic of conversation would not have been my own choice. "Which house Lena?" I sighed heavily. This seemed to have fluctuated everyone's conversations for weeks, everyone of course hoping I'd end up in Gryffindor, although both Remus and Severus had shown know preference, even though Dad tried to corral Remus into forcing me into Gryffindor. "Not sure." I really wasn't. I'd love to be in Gryffindor to be with everyone, but it would make it so much harder for me to see Severus, yet being a Slytherin would be no better as our affair could quickly become obvious to other house members. The whole school topic made me cringe as it quickly made me question whether it would be possible for Severus and me to carry on our affair at all. Everybody here was quick to throw a blind eye in Severus's direction and I was thankful it was only Harry who had yet to notice our relationship, but Hogwarts was a different story, and from what the others had said, rumours were quick to spread at the school. And it was all very well sneaking upstairs every night to share my bed with him, but it would be much more difficult at Hogwarts where he'd have his own rooms, and I my dormitory, possibly in different parts of the castle. Then there was always the question of whether Severus would want to continue our relationship. The threat of being treated as a student still hung heavily in the air anytime we discussed the future, and although I would want to be shown no favour in the classroom, I'd hoped that we may have been able to continue what we had there, I was quickly learning that Severus had a kind heart and was able to make me laugh and cry without second thought.

"Gryffindor would be easier; Dad'll kill me if it's Slytherin." Remus laughed and drank some of the hot tea, my own quickly going cold in my hands. "He'll get over it. There's nothing to say you won't get Ravenclaw, you're clever Lena, you could do it." Remus shared a kind smile with me and I greatly regretted this man was my father's best friend. I feared if Severus hadn't caught me in a feverish grasp, I'd have quickly fallen for Remus. He was kind and loving and had a way of making everything else go away. When you were around Remus there was no anger or boredom as there was with Dad, no worry or stress as there was with Molly, and no fear of the future that hung heavily in the air when I was with Severus.

It would be so easy to tell Remus all my worry and stress. It was true that he showed dislike to Severus but did not show the pure hatred that my father did towards him. "I wouldn't mind Slytherin." At this Remus put his mug on the table and turned to me, a sudden curiosity marking his face. "Everyone acts like it would be the worst thing that could happen but I'm not so sure. I've always been able to make friends so there isn't that problem there and I'm not too sure what would qualify as brave. Severus isn't as bad as they make out either. I think he's quite brilliant actually." I hoped he wouldn't notice the slight excitement in my voice. "Ah yes, Severus. Quite the charmer when he wants to be, not a feature we share." "Ha, I'm not so sure about that Remus, you're quite the charmer yourself," I laughed quietly, and he joined in, a little shocked. "Oh Lena, you are definitely your fathers daughter. If only you weren't." He looked shocked at his own comment and I couldn't lie and say I wasn't also. Sat so close, I could feel the warmth radiating from him, and knew that lying in his arms would be laying the summer sunshine. He leaned in a little towards me and I couldn't help but react. His hand rested on my upper arm and I couldn't help but want to reach out and trace the scars that marred his face. As if remembering himself he released my arm and pushed away a little from me. I sat straight and only one thought crossed my mind. I was Severus's. "I'm sorry Lena. I shouldn't have. You'd think I'd know better but there's something about you that I can't get out my head." I sighed helplessly. "It's fine Remus." We sat in silence and were soon joined by the others for dinner, and although I found myself remaining sat next to Remus, I had my back turned to him as I discussed hair potions with Hermione and Ginny. Yet I couldn't help but notice Remus's back faced mine as he engaged Severus in a conversation about the role the werewolf Greyback would play in Voldemort's plans.


	8. Chapter 8

Lena's P.O.V

Crawling into bed beside Severus felt wrong somehow that night. I felt myself holding back when he kissed me, and imagining it was Remus's lips upon mine, Remus's hands searching my body. Severus pulled away and traced my cheek with his thumb. "What's up love?" I couldn't look him in the eye, tried to and failed. "Hogwarts." He pressed his head against mine and sighed. "Hogwarts." Neither of us smiled and I felt my eyes lift to his. The black pools stuck me and I couldn't look away. "Are you still going to want me?" It hurt to ask, but the words tumbled from my lips without conscious thought. He groaned. "I'll always want you Lena Black. Every last inch of you." With that he grabbed me, the strength he'd lost from the fight visibly back, and led me on his chest, pressing his lips hard against mine. His tongue fought mine and my body scorched, my every fibre alight. I sighed into every kiss and soon found myself fighting to get the shirt from his back. He pushed himself up from where he lay and pulled his own shirt over his head and kissed me more feverishly than ever. My hands traced the fresh scars on his side and I felt my nails rake down his back as he laid sweet kisses over my collarbone and chest. Every moment occurred as if in fast forward and I soon found myself pinned beneath him, his mouth at my throat. "Severus." It was dry and ached as if no air filled my lungs and the way he made me feel, I was shocked there was. He didn't stop but moved to my mouth and his hands wrestled with the nightdress id worn. Every inch he touched burned and it felt as if nothing held me in this plain but his lips upon mine. I felt his finger brush the lower of my breast and I gasped feverishly, his mouth still on mine, arching my back in response. His mouth pulled from mine, and although I was hungry for his mouth, I let his lips trail down my collarbone to breast and my body ached as sucked gently on my bud. I cried out and he stopped suddenly. As if realising what he'd done he pulled himself up and sat in the bed beside me, allowing me to pull my nightdress back together. "Sev?" His eyes flicked to mine and he groaned. The groan wasn't like the others. It had none of the hunger and passion and was instead full of regret and guilt. "Lena I really shouldn't. Come Monday morning you'll be my student. I have a responsibility." I turned my head ashamed. I pulled myself together and stepped lightly out of bed. "That's it? One minute you want 'every inch' of me and then when I give it to you, you throw it back in my face? Thanks Professor." I couldn't help the bitterness in my voice and was in fact glad of it when I noticed his flinch. "Please Lena, I didn't mean it like that." "Like what?" "I shouldn't, but I want to so badly I ache for you every minute of the day when you're not around me." "So? Hogwarts?" His head fell back against the headboard and I heard the pain in his voice. "I've never done this before Lena. I don't know how to do it right. Any of it. I just don't know. It goes against everything I believe in. What I've fought for." I sat on the edge of the bed cautiously and waited for him to explain. "I want to try us. See how far we get. I feel it in the pit of my stomach. It's meant to happen. It'll be hard. Really hard. But if you want it to, I won't say no." I couldn't help but smile and my heart felt as if the fist that had been squeezing it for the last month had finally let go. "Of course I do. We'll be careful, really careful. Nobody can know. Nobody does know. Well except for Harry but he's promised." He shook his head at this as if Harry knowing could be the worst possible thing, but he reached over with a smile and pulled me up to straddle his legs as he kissed me hungrily. "Sev?" He pulled away just a little. "Take me." His eyes gleamed brightly and hunger was visible in those deep dark pools. "Lena." "Please. Not now. But when I ask? Promise." He nodded his head slowly and groaned as my nails trailed his chest. "You're not going to make this easy are you?" I shook my head cheekily and removed my nightdress with one hand so all that I wore was the sheer slip I wore underneath. He groaned loudly and sat back taking every inch of me in. I blushed guiltily. It was the first time I'd let anyone see me like this, let alone a man. He hardened beneath my core and I felt myself tense a little. I took his mouth in mine and kissed him like I never had before. He pushed me off of him and laid me in the bed beside him, tracing my curves with his long thin fingers. He stopped at my breasts and rubbed my buds between his thumb and forefinger. I arched my back into his touch and groaned in both pleasure and pain. He laughed evilly, "Two can play at that game."


	9. Chapter 9

The Sorting

One by one the first years took the tiny stool and were sorted. Several to Gryffindor, Harry and the others cheering loudly. Would they cheer for me if I were in a different house? "Black, Lena." I realised my name was being called and took no notice of the whispers and taunts from the Slytherin table. I chanced one last look at Sev. He smiled gently and I saw him cross his fingers beneath the table. Which house Sev? Which one do you want? I took the stool and the hat was placed gently on my head.

"Ahh. I haven't seen one of you for a long time, not since your father and uncle. Mm. Alike to both I see. The bravery and intelligence of the one, and the cunning and passion of the other. So clever. Maybe Ravenclaw is where you lie. But you'd be amazing in Slytherin. And Gryffindor? You'd serve the house well." The hall had fallen silent and I saw the eager faces of Harry and Ron. "So much confusion for one of your age. A torn heart I see. Family or love. But which to pick? You have the intelligence and heart to be great and will blossom in any house. You cannot see, but I see clearly where your heart lies. GRYFFINDOR."

I felt the butterflies fly from my stomach as Gryffindor house roared, Fred and George leaving their seats to hoist me in the air and carry me back to the table where Lee pushed aside to make me a seat between the twins. Everyone was clapping and cheering and Harry leant across the table to hug me. "Told you, didn't we. Snuff's 'll be well chuffed!" Fred and George chattered away excitedly and I took this moment, as all the food sprang up through the empty plates to look up at the staff table. Sev had yet to take any food and was instead looking down at me, a small smile on his face. Gryffindor? Really? Not Slytherin?

The boys took the opportunity to fill my plate and everyone chattered away excitedly telling each other of their summers. But several hours later everyone sat, full, waiting to be dismissed. "You'd better send Iris tonight Lena. He'll kill you if he doesn't know as soon as." Harry smiled at me and winked. He was right of course. On leaving the hall, Harry took my arm, promising Hermione and Ron he'd meet them in a bit, and off we went up to the owlery where Harry promised iris would be waiting. The tower where the owls lived was large and cold, the many windows standing glassless for the owls to travel freely. Harry and I searched for Iris for what seemed to be hours but Harry eventually found her seeking solace behind Hedwig. Pigwidgeon was chirping flirtatiously and puffing up his chest. Hedwig nipped at Harry lovingly and Iris flew to my arm nipping at my ear quietly. I found a scrap of parchment in an emoty desk in the corner and a quill. I scribbled a note to Dad:

_Hey Snuffs,_

_Gryffindor! Can you believe it!? Everyone okay here. Still nervous though. Missing you already. Love Lena and Harry xxx_

Harry and I fixed the note to Iris's leg and she flew off happily into the night. Harry nudged Pig so that he quietened down a little and we left quickly, hurrying down the corridors. We chatted happily. He was truly happy I was in Gryffindor, and I can safely say I was happy to. I had quickly come to think of Harry as a brother and I couldn't wait to spend more time with him. As we entered a lower corridor we slowed down as we noticed a tall figure coming towards us. "What time's curfew?" "For you? Ten." I looked at him with relief, it was only 9.30, "What about fifth years?" I heard him gulp beside me, "9." We stopped dead in our tracks as the figure grew closer and closer to us. I couldn't help but smile a little. "Potter. Miss Black." "Professor Snape" "Sir." He stood inches taller than I and in his teaching robes he reminded me of the first time we'd met. "Potter if I remember rightly your curfew was half an hour ago." "Yes sir. But I was just showing Lena the owlery." "Well I think you'd better get back to your common room before I'm forced to tell Professor McGonagall." Harry nodded and looked at me. "Professor do you think you could walk Lena to Gryffindor tower before her curfew, only she doesn't know where it is. If you're there before ten I might be stood behind the portrait to let Lena in. We still don't know the password." Sev looked taken aback my Harry's forwardness but nodded "Yes Potter I think that would be possible." Harry scurried off, a sly smile on his face.

Sev walked towards a door off the corridor and took several minutes ensuring no one was around. He opened the door and I walked through it quietly into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind him and Pushed me back against the wall pressing his lips hungrily against mine. After a few moments of bliss we broke apart only a few centimetres. I rested my forehead against his shoulder and breathed him in deeply. "Hey." "Hey," I smiled up at him and stole another kiss from his lips. I ran my hands through his hair and cried into his mouth as he pushed me higher up against the wall, my legs pulling up and holding me against him. "That uniform is seriously dangerous." I looked down at him through my lashes and nipped at his lips. "Well Professor, you're welcome to remove it." I smiled sheepishly and he took my mouth in his hungrily. He placed me slowly down on the ground and pinned me to the wall, his forehead on my mine as we breathed heavily. "You were happy? When the hat said Gryffindor." I couldn't help but ask, this question had held my thoughts all night. He smiled weakly and his eyes twinkled. "You need your friends. And having you in Slytherin would have been too tempting." I smiled happily, glad he didn't want we out the way because he was bored of me.

We walked slowly up to Gryffindor tower, enjoying the time we spent together even though we were silent. When Harry pushed the portrait open I thanked Professor Snape for kindly helping me find my way to my dorm and wished him goodnight, only to be welcomed by the warm arms of Fred and George who yet again hoisted me in the air and threw me high into the air among the dry work fireworks I could only imagine the twins having setting off.

And here among the happy laughing faces, I realised I really did belong in Gryffindor.


	10. Chapter 10

The Sorting

One by one the first years took the tiny stool and were sorted. Several to Gryffindor, Harry and the others cheering loudly. Would they cheer for me if I were in a different house? "Black, Lena." I realised my name was being called and took no notice of the whispers and taunts from the Slytherin table. I chanced one last look at Sev. He smiled gently and I saw him cross his fingers beneath the table. Which house Sev? Which one do you want? I took the stool and the hat was placed gently on my head.

"Ahh. I haven't seen one of you for a long time, not since your father and uncle. Mm. Alike to both I see. The bravery and intelligence of the one, and the cunning and passion of the other. So clever. Maybe Ravenclaw is where you lie. But you'd be amazing in Slytherin. And Gryffindor? You'd serve the house well." The hall had fallen silent and I saw the eager faces of Harry and Ron. "So much confusion for one of your age. A torn heart I see. Family or love. But which to pick? You have the intelligence and heart to be great and will blossom in any house. You cannot see, but I see clearly where your heart lies. GRYFFINDOR."

I felt the butterflies fly from my stomach as Gryffindor house roared, Fred and George leaving their seats to hoist me in the air and carry me back to the table where Lee pushed aside to make me a seat between the twins. Everyone was clapping and cheering and Harry leant across the table to hug me. "Told you, didn't we. Snuff's 'll be well chuffed!" Fred and George chattered away excitedly and I took this moment, as all the food sprang up through the empty plates to look up at the staff table. Sev had yet to take any food and was instead looking down at me, a small smile on his face. Gryffindor? Really? Not Slytherin?

The boys took the opportunity to fill my plate and everyone chattered away excitedly telling each other of their summers. But several hours later everyone sat, full, waiting to be dismissed. "You'd better send Iris tonight Lena. He'll kill you if he doesn't know as soon as." Harry smiled at me and winked. He was right of course. On leaving the hall, Harry took my arm, promising Hermione and Ron he'd meet them in a bit, and off we went up to the owlery where Harry promised iris would be waiting. The tower where the owls lived was large and cold, the many windows standing glassless for the owls to travel freely. Harry and I searched for Iris for what seemed to be hours but Harry eventually found her seeking solace behind Hedwig. Pigwidgeon was chirping flirtatiously and puffing up his chest. Hedwig nipped at Harry lovingly and Iris flew to my arm nipping at my ear quietly. I found a scrap of parchment in an emoty desk in the corner and a quill. I scribbled a note to Dad:

_Hey Snuffs,_

_Gryffindor! Can you believe it!? Everyone okay here. Still nervous though. Missing you already. Love Lena and Harry xxx_

Harry and I fixed the note to Iris's leg and she flew off happily into the night. Harry nudged Pig so that he quietened down a little and we left quickly, hurrying down the corridors. We chatted happily. He was truly happy I was in Gryffindor, and I can safely say I was happy to. I had quickly come to think of Harry as a brother and I couldn't wait to spend more time with him. As we entered a lower corridor we slowed down as we noticed a tall figure coming towards us. "What time's curfew?" "For you? Ten." I looked at him with relief, it was only 9.30, "What about fifth years?" I heard him gulp beside me, "9." We stopped dead in our tracks as the figure grew closer and closer to us. I couldn't help but smile a little. "Potter. Miss Black." "Professor Snape" "Sir." He stood inches taller than I and in his teaching robes he reminded me of the first time we'd met. "Potter if I remember rightly your curfew was half an hour ago." "Yes sir. But I was just showing Lena the owlery." "Well I think you'd better get back to your common room before I'm forced to tell Professor McGonagall." Harry nodded and looked at me. "Professor do you think you could walk Lena to Gryffindor tower before her curfew, only she doesn't know where it is. If you're there before ten I might be stood behind the portrait to let Lena in. We still don't know the password." Sev looked taken aback my Harry's forwardness but nodded "Yes Potter I think that would be possible." Harry scurried off, a sly smile on his face.

Sev walked towards a door off the corridor and took several minutes ensuring no one was around. He opened the door and I walked through it quietly into an empty classroom. He closed the door behind him and Pushed me back against the wall pressing his lips hungrily against mine. After a few moments of bliss we broke apart only a few centimetres. I rested my forehead against his shoulder and breathed him in deeply. "Hey." "Hey," I smiled up at him and stole another kiss from his lips. I ran my hands through his hair and cried into his mouth as he pushed me higher up against the wall, my legs pulling up and holding me against him. "That uniform is seriously dangerous." I looked down at him through my lashes and nipped at his lips. "Well Professor, you're welcome to remove it." I smiled sheepishly and he took my mouth in his hungrily. He placed me slowly down on the ground and pinned me to the wall, his forehead on my mine as we breathed heavily. "You were happy? When the hat said Gryffindor." I couldn't help but ask, this question had held my thoughts all night. He smiled weakly and his eyes twinkled. "You need your friends. And having you in Slytherin would have been too tempting." I smiled happily, glad he didn't want we out the way because he was bored of me.

We walked slowly up to Gryffindor tower, enjoying the time we spent together even though we were silent. When Harry pushed the portrait open I thanked Professor Snape for kindly helping me find my way to my dorm and wished him goodnight, only to be welcomed by the warm arms of Fred and George who yet again hoisted me in the air and threw me high into the air among the dry work fireworks I could only imagine the twins having setting off.

And here among the happy laughing faces, I realised I really did belong in Gryffindor.


	11. Chapter 11

Lessons with Toadface.

When I woke in the morning, I lay for a while in my bed, listening to the soft sounds of the other girls breathing. I was sharing a dorm with Angelina and a few other girls who had already been in bed when I'd gotten in last night. Fred and George assured me that Angelina would look after me and so far she'd been true to their word, helping me unpack and introducing me to some of the other boys in our year. Before leaving for bed I'd pulled Harry aside and thanked him for what he'd done, but he promised he wouldn't be found doing it continuously; his neck was on the line also.

I watched the ray of brilliant morning sunshine dance across the draping's on the other girls beds and felt my head spin as I sat a little too quickly. Eating so much at the feast and later at the party the twins had thrown me had made me feel groggy and I grabbed my things to shower before leaving our small room.

The feel of icy water quickly awakened me, only stirring the feeling of nervousness I'd had the night before. Today would be the first day of classes and the anticipation of possibly being in Severus's classroom challenged the bravery I'd had last night at entering that classroom with him, and I yearned desperately for the safety of 12 Grimmauld Place. I dried slowly and dressed before meeting Angelina on the stairs. We walked together to the hall and as we chatted realised we'd be sharing all of our classes with twins. We'd laughed at the prospect of seeing them face toad-face later in the day, after the strict new professor had screamed at them last night on her patrol when one of the fireworks had escaped the common room through the portrait that Lee had left open on returning from the kitchens, arms full of butterbeer crates.

"Miss Black and Miss Johnson, your timetables." Professor McGonagall met us at the head of the table and the groan that escaped our mouths was evidently a common reaction from seventh years, when a small smirk marked the witches face, as she handed us each a piece of parchment. We took seats a little further up the table, beside Harry and Hermione who were currently reading their own timetables. "Double Toad-face first with the Slytherins, then double Transfiguration after break. Great . At-least we have the afternoon free. I need to plan the Quidditch trials for Friday." I smiled taking several pieces of toast and plastering them with heavy layers of butter and marmalade. No potions today then. I glanced up at the head table and Severus smiled down at me and when he took his goblet moments later I noticed he drummed his fingers against the gold cup before placing it back down and looking to me once more. I copied the motion and he smiled back. "Stupid bloody woman! What a nerve! Her first bloody day and she's already causing us trouble!" The boys sat down loudly, their bags thrown roughly to the floor and their timetables propelled across the table to fall upon my plate. "Umbridge?" I asked cautiously, removing their timetables from my marmalade, they nodded angrily; "Bloody snitch reported us to McGonagall .Detention with Filch for a week." Fred's face was flushed with rage and he slopped pumpkin juice across the table as he poured some into his goblet. "Don't know what's going to hit her though does she. It'll serve her bloody right." Angelina and I sighed heavily before laughing. They'd put on a show after breakfast no doubt. "Wait a weeks' worth of detention? What about the trials? I wanted you there with me." Angeline was taking her new role as coach very seriously and anyone who stood in her way should be ready to submit. "She said she'll let us have Friday off. Something about liking the trophy? Not wanting Snape to have it. I don't know." Fred piled his plate full of bacon and eggs and was scoffing them angrily. "One plus of today. No pooey potions. Snapes finally invested in shampoo I see." We all looked up to the table, but I already knew this to be true. Sev's hair had certainly been looking different since that first day at Grimmauld. "Maybe he has something for Umbridge.' 'Oh Dolores, your headband matches the ugly muddy shade of your eyes and that cardigan clashes so very violently with those shoes.'" Fred caressed Georges face lovingly and we collapsed in fits of giggles, noting how quickly it had taken for this to turn into a blood bath.

As breakfast finally came to an end, everybody seemed to be very unenthusiastic to leave their seats, that is but for Fred and George who grabbed up their bags, thrusting their timetables into their bags roughly and running off out of sight before even the teachers had even made a move. "Come on Lena, I want front row seats for this," Angelina and I took the last few sips of our coffee and Made to leave, wishing the others luck for their first lessons before weaving our way up through the corridors to the Defence against the Dark arts classroom. Standing outside the door I quickly realised this was the room Sev and I had taken solace in the night before and I felt myself blush deeply. Pushing open the door we entered the room to find Fred and George in the front seats on the left hand side. Angelina and I took the seats on their right, anticipating the arrival of toad face and what the boys had planned for her.

Other students began to slowly drift in and Angelina introduced me to Charlotte and Amber who shared our dorm and took seats behind us, while I noticed that as the Slytherins gathered in the back of the room, they whispered behind covered mouths, glancing incessantly in our direction until the small stout woman entered the room and took court from a chair that appeared almost throne like at the front of the room. "Wands away and Quills out please boys and girls." We packed away slowly and pulled out our parchment and quills. Theory? In the first lesson? I suppose it should have been expected. Books flew towards us and as one lay itself between Angelina and me, a loud groaned occurred simultaneously throughout the room. _Issuing care when deploying defensive Magic and the consequences of doing such. _Having read this in our first year at Beauxbatons, my groan was one of the loudest, the anticipation of such an unimaginative first lesson already boring me. "Is there a problem Dear?" The toad had come to stand in-front of my desk and I looked her in the eye stonily. I opened my mouth to snap a witty remark back in her face but looking into those tiny mouse like eyes I felt myself unable to do so. "None miss," I answered begrudgingly. "I thought not." Her hips wiggled a little at being right as she sauntered back into the centre of the room. "It had come to the Ministry's attention that the teaching here at Hogwarts has been somewhat more practical than it would like. For it to be possible for you to pass your NEWT's you must be able to put the appropriate spell with the correct situation and here in this classroom I will be teaching you such." I heard Charlotte whispering to Amber behind and I sat back a little to listen in. "No practising?" "She didn't say that." "No but she didn't say anything about actually using magic either." I whispered quietly and I heard both Amber and Charlotte agree quietly. Toad face had snapped her head around and was hissing evilly. "Did you say something Miss…?" Her voice was a shrill whisper and everyone in the room fell silent. Even the Slytherins. "Black." She snickered. "Black, yes? I believe you said something?" She held her head higher in an attempt to gain some height and authority, although this failed miserably and she resembled a small squat cat waiting for the sound of its food can to be opened. "I just said that you had made no mention of actually practising these spells. We will get to perform magic wont we?" She came to stand in-front of me now and I noted the many ugly rings on her fingers, yet her wedding finger remained bare. Married to the Ministry. "There will be no need to practise defensive magic Miss Black." The venom in her voice at uttering my name caused by blood to boil and I held onto my desk tightly. What was the point in learning the spells if you couldn't use them. "But what about our NEWT'S? Surely we'll be asked to perform the spells?" Angelina looked verily towards Umbridge who answered without taking her eyes off of me, " You will and by using the theory I teach here in the classroom, you will be able to safely deploy magic in a contained environment." "But surely Hogwarts is as safe and contained as it could possibly be? We'll use spells all the time in Charms and Transfiguration." She snapped her fingers and looked unpleasantly towards me. "There is a time and a place to use defensive spells, such as those being used at this precise moment to track and detain _your father_ Miss Black, and a school is not one of them." I closed my eyes and tried to hold my temper, my hands rigid on the desk with the pain of holding in my anger. Angelina laid a hand on top of mine and squeezed it gently. "I don't think that's quite fair Professor. Those spells aren't being used at this precise moment to detain Lena's father because if what I've heard is correct, the ministry's lost him. Poof. Gone. Even the ministry's best Aurors can't find him. Shacklebolts on it right? Dad said he's the best." Umbridge's head snapped to Fred and it was obvious his and Georges grasps on their desks were as firm as mine had been only moments later. They'd gotten quite fond of Sirius over the holidays and he'd even helped them by laying silencing charms around their room at Grimmauld Place so Molly wouldn't hear the many explosions and crashes issuing from their room. "Black is a serious criminal and a threat, not only the wizarding world, but the muggle world also and he will be detained. The man is a murderer and a convict, and no doubt the Dementors will deal with him as they see fit. She smirked happily and it felt as if all the air had left the room. The Slytherins at the back of the room were laughing heartily and Angelina turned to them before holding Fred back forcefully as he attempted to attack them. "I'd watch it if I were you Ambrose' 'Your father have fun at the Quidditch World Cup last year did he? Mum said she hit him with a stinging curse and he dropped his wand. Said the muggle nearly fell off the broom your father had been holding them on." The bitterness in her voice warmed my heart and her words swam in my head. Ambrose. The name was familiar. "How does your Dad like Azkaban, Ambrose, hmm? At-least my Dad's still on the run. Your Dad was stupid enough to get caught." George had stood to help Angelina hold back Fred and but he dived in-front of me as Ambrose lunged towards me, wand in hand. I knew I'd heard the name before. Kingsley had brought the list of suspected Death Eaters that had been detained on Fudge's orders and Mr Ambrose had been one of the first caught. I smiled wickedly at Ambrose and he shook his head defeated, my words obviously stinging.

"Now, now, now. Settle down boys and girls. Quills please and take notes on chapter 1, the use of defensive spells in the modern wizarding world." The Toad sat smiling down from her throne as if holding court and we slowly took our seats again. The smile spread thickly on her mouth showed she'd enjoyed the little show she'd orchestrated and I could no longer fight the urge to respect authority. I picked up my bag and threw everything in roughly, leaving the classroom without a second thought.


	12. Chapter 12

Detention with Dolores and Harry

I ambled through the corridors, not wanting to return to the common room. That evil cow. How bloody dare she. If the Dementors really did find Dad, we all knew that would be his fate, yet none of us had mentioned it over summer, avoiding the fact that he was a convicted murderer all together. Loosing Dad would leave me all alone in the world and I couldn't bear to think about it. Angry tears stung at my eyes and I let them fall as I turned yet another corner, now feeling completely lost. I carried on down a few of the staircases hoping to find a passageway to outside but failed to do so. It was much colder down here and I wrapped my cloak around me a little tighter. The tears were beginning to blur my vision and everything had become much darker, the torches not much further apart. I began to walk towards the staircase I had just descended, sobs heavy in my throat.

"No students should be in the corridor during lessons. All study periods should be spent in your common rooms or the great hall." A voice carried out of the door I had just passed and retraced my steps quietly. "Sorry, I…" Looking down into my eyes was Sev, a group of Gryffindor's looking nosily past him out to me. I saw Ginny and attempted a smile. "Miss Black, is there something wrong?" I saw worry in his eyes and I smiled to reassure him. "I'm fine sir, just a little lost that's all." Ginny was looking wearily from Severus to me. "I believe that the Gryffindor's had defence against the dark arts this morning with the Slytherins?" "I did Sir but it got to me a little and I had to leave." He blinked, no emotion crossing his face. "Well as you seem to be stood in the dungeons you are far from Gryffindor tower Miss Black." "Maybe I could show her the way Sir?" Ginny had stood to come beside us and she rested a hand gently on my arm, obviously noting the tears in my eyes. "No Miss Weasley, I'll escort her back upstairs, wouldn't want you to get lost on your way back to potions would we." Severus brushed passed me gently leaving one of the severe looking Slytherins in charge of his lesson. I followed Severus quietly.

As he began to ascend the corridor he pushed open a door and ushered me through it. It was dark and cold and he cast Lumos before lighting several candles around the room. I saw a large desk covered in books and papers, surrounded by tall shelves lined with jars of potions and jarred specimens. He'd led me into his office and I quickly realised why his complexion was so pale. He spent so much of his time in the dungeons where there were no windows that he rarely saw sunlight.

He reached over and took my hands, brushing a tear from my face gently with his thumb, "What wrong love?" I couldn't look him in the eye and instead took to staring at his hands in mine. "Umbridge." He pressed his forehead against mine and nodded gently. "What happened?" a sob escaped my throat and his hands dropped mine so that they could hold me to him. "Shh Love, Shh." I cried for a while not wanting to admit my childish fears of being left alone. "She said something amount Dad. The Dementors." He pressed me gently against him and I wrapped my arms around his waist. The tears wouldn't stop and I allowed them to fall freely. "They can't get him Lena. They don't know where he is. He's careful." I looked up into his eyes, "not that careful, he came with us to the station yesterday, anyone could have recognised him." "As a Dog? I highly doubt it. He's safe Lena. Nothing can get into Grimmauld place. You know that." I squeezed him tightly and he kissed my forehead lightly.

"I can't do it Sev. I'm not like Harry. I don't think I can be alone." His hand brushed my hair gently from my face. "You'll never need to be alone Lena. Your father's not going anywhere. Neither am I or Remus, Harry or the Weasleys." Guilt washed through my veins at Remus's name. I'd spent several hours led awake last night trying to work out whether I should tell Severus or not about the kiss. It had meant nothing to me, but I wasn't so sure about Remus. "Severus, Remus he' I would tell him, it wouldn't matter, 'Remus kissed me yesterday. It meant nothing but,' his face dropped and his grip loosed on my back, 'Severus?" He looked down and kissed me gently. "I believe you love. Remus is lonely. Just be careful for me. It's not as if I can claim you from him is it." I looked at him sadly. It was true. Severus would always be Snivellus to Dad while even though Remus was the same age as Severus, he was always Dad's friend. Which was worse, theft by an enemy or the betrayal of a best friend.

"You should be in class." He let his grip loosen further and I pulled away from him. "Don't let Umbridge faze you love. She's a vile old bat. She hates everything that challenges Fudge's authority. She's going to cause you trouble because of Sirius, but I'll have a word with Minerva and Albus. Warn them she's already being too sterile. You're only human." He kissed me one last time. "You have an hour till break. Do you want to stay in here?" I nodded and he left me quietly, locking the door behind him. I crawled up and nestled in the chair behind his desk, nuzzling my face against the soft fabric of the seat. My eyes quickly drifted closed and with Sev's musky smell filling my nostrils, I quickly fell asleep.

Severus returned within an hour and held me softly before walking upstairs to the great hall with me where I met up with Fred, George and Angelina. Angelina took my arm and the boys stared after Sev. "What were you doing down in the dungeons?" "Got lost," I mumbled and they said nothing more of it. They fussed me for the remainder of the break, telling how Umbridge had made them take notes for the rest of the hour and had said nothing of my departure. The rest of the day passed quite uneventfully and as we gathered around Gryffindor table for Dinner that night, Hermione filled us in on Harry's quarrel with Umbridge in their own Defence against the Dark Arts lesson that day. Harry was quiet over dinner and I squeezed his hand gently. We told them of how she'd angered not only me but the boys also by discussing Sirius and Harry looked even angrier, his mood not helped when Angelina, realising Harry had a week's worth of detentions with Toad-face had shouted at him quite unashamedly for missing the quidditch trial that Friday. As our dinner plates were replaced by pudding dishes a small note flew from the staff table to where we sat and landed before me.

The handwriting was small and loopy, the envelope pink. Oh Merlin no.

"_Miss Black,_' it read _'I would like you to attend detention tomorrow after the poor, disruptive behaviour you displayed in today's lesson. Meet in my office after dinner please. Your Sincerely Professor Dolores Umbridge."_

"At least I'll be able to keep you company Harry." I glanced towards the staff table where McGonagall was deep in conversation with Sev, who had apparently not seen the note, but Umbridge, who sat at the end of the table, was smiling maliciously towards Harry and me.

Tuesday passed quickly, more charms and transfiguration, and before we knew it, dinner had finished, our pudding dishes disappearing. Everyone wished us luck and we left the table together, winding our way up to the classroom, within which stood Umbridge's office. We knocked on the door quietly and entered on orders to.

The small room was decorated in large plates with ugly kitten designs, the subjects of which hissed as Harry and I walked past them, the walls underneath were a sickly sweet pink. She sat behind a large white desk with gold gilding, and like everything else associated with this witch it was too elaborate, too sweet. "Please take your desks. You will be writing lines for me tonight. No need for your own quills, you'll be using two of mine." She handed us the quills and we replaced our own in our bags, taking the large black quills she handed us. "But we don't have ink Professor?" Harry's voice was much stronger than anything I could muster. First week and already sat in detention. "You won't be needing ink Mr Potter. "I shall not tell lies" shall be suitable for you Potter and "I shall not question the Ministry" should be suitable for you Miss Black. As many times as it takes for the message to _sink in_ I think."

Harry and I shared a look but began to scribble away on the parchment in front of us. As I wrote the lines time and time again, the skin on the back of my hand burned and as I looked to Harry I could see he was in a similar pain. Looking back down on my parchment I noticed it was not ink on the page but my own blood. The bitch! Torture, Seriously?

"Is there a problem Miss Black?" I shook my head and when she asked Harry the same question he answered with a pained no. An hour later, the quills had sliced our skin so that the message was etched for all to see, the blood dripping from my hand in tiny teardrops. "I think a few more sessions this week may help the message to sink in a little further. The same time tomorrow please."

We took our time to walk towards the common room, both of us in agonising pain. "She's evil." Harry looked to me and I shook my head, what were we supposed to do? Tell McGonagall? Great idea but it wasn't as if she could do anything about it. "We'll just have to be careful. Can you imagine the poor first years, getting that as their first detention?" We pushed open the portrait and Harry went to talk to Ron after wishing me a good night. I climbed the stairs to my own dormitory quietly, everyone else being in bed at such a late hour. I went to the bathroom and scrubbed the day's dirt from my skin in the shower, allowing the water to run over my skin and soak my hair, not caring for any potion to fix the curls. They could matt for all I cared. The pain in my hand was unbearable enough as it was, the water running over it, let alone a potion.

Wearily I climbed into bed and pulled my hangings around me. Tomorrow would be a long day. It was my first lesson in Severus's classroom and it would be unbearable being unable to touch him. Not to mention the fact it was with the Slytherins and I'd have to face Ambrose and his cronies again. I closed my eyes and fell into a sleep rich in nightmares. Dad lying motionless as a scaly grey mouth hung over his. Severus's body lay mangled at the bottom of Gryffindor tower and Remus lying peacefully on a funeral pyre, death eaters surrounding him laughing.


	13. Chapter 13

A golden Lion for Lena.

When morning came I found myself achey and sore from tossing and turning in an unfamiliar bed. As I grabbed my towel to shower I felt the knots that had formed in my hair overnight, knowing this would take at least half a bottle of potion to sort.

After showering and potioning my hair I applied a little eyeliner and mascara, making my eyes look even bigger than usual and smiled happily at myself in the mirror. I couldn't lie I looked breath-taking and as I tucked in my jumper and shirt to my skirt, I realised I really did look much older than my 17 years. I left a few buttons of my shirt open at the neck and tied my tie loosely around my neck so it hung lower than the open buttons. I'd do. And as I reached the common room I realised I looked a little better than I'd just do when I saw Fred and George's eyes bulge and Angelina and I laughed, "It as if they don't know girls exist, seriously. Angelina rolled her eyes and took my arm; we skipped happily to breakfast where we piled our plated high with toast and eggs. As we sat and drank copious amounts of pumpkin juice we laughed watching Hermione edge around the boys who were attempting to sell first year's nose-bleed nougat.

"They just will not listen! I could give them detention but it won't make any difference! It's gotten ridiculous. And Ron wont' say anything because he's the one bloody buying it." Hermione hardly ever swore so Angelina and I shared a look, yikes. "They might get bored." It was a pointless comment as we all knew that wouldn't be happening any time soon. They'd be telling jokes and pulling pranks till they turned in the grave.

Severus and I shared the same morning routine as usual, he picked up his goblet and tapped his fingers against the goblet, I returned the gesture and we looked away from each other, never once returning one another's gaze. Hermione sat and read the prophet while I'd been cornered by Ginny. Although Angelina had told her last night what had happened on Monday, she wanted to make sure I was okay for herself. "I'm fine Ginny, really. I'll be okay." She ate quietly and I listened as Angelina ran through the plans for Friday night. "If Harry can't play I'm going to need to factor in his movements around the pitch." My mind wandered and I began thinking about the way Sev had held me only a few days before. We hadn't seen each other yesterday apart from at meal times and we hadn't spoken. I was missing the contact and although homework and detention had kept me busy my mind wandered helplessly to the feel of his touch. My eyes had strayed, and I watched as a tiny dark brown owl flew down through the open window, so much later than the others had been.

The tiny owl flew down and nestled itself between my pumpkin juice and my plate. "Hey Iris! What do you have here?" She nipped at my fingers as I removed the letters from her leg. I shuffled through the letters and took a deep breath, laying them on my lap. Ginny looked over to them and I pushed them a little more towards me. Feeding Iris the bacon rinds from George's plate I stroked her head mindlessly opening the letter from Dad.

_Lena, I am so proud of you! I wish I could come and see you but I'm still under house arrest. I've put a little gift inside the envelope, I hope you like it! We found it in one of the boxes in the attic and I thought it would be appropriate. It belonged to Lily but Albus gave it to me when she passed hoping I could give it to your mother. _

_Look after yourself and be careful! _

_Love always Snuffles. _

I tipped the envelope and out fell a little golden Gryffindor lion on a chain. I laughed a little. "Where's Harry Hermione? I should show him this," I stuffed everything back into my bag, holding the letters in one hand, and the lion pendant in the other, "In the Library with Ron." I yelled that id meet Angelina down in the dungeons and flew up the stairs to the library.

Ron and Harry were sat around on of the tables in a corner of the library and I dropped the pile of toast id brought with me on the table. They looked up from their dream diaries and smiled, each taking a slice of toast. "Thanks Lena." I smiled and led the pendant down in front of Harry. He traced the shape with his finger. "From Dad. It was your Mum's Harry. She left it for my Mum." He smiled. " I'm glad you've got it Lena." He stood and took the pendant from the table. He pushed my hair over one shoulder and hung the thin gold chain around my neck, his fingers lingered as he clasped it tightly. I was relieved. I knew Harry didn't really have anything from his parents and there was a part of me that thought that he might want it. "Thanks Harry." I slipped the golden lion under my shirt and took Harrys dream diary. It looked as if, like me, he dreamt of death nightly. "Divination?" Ron nodded slowly adding _'in skates chased by spider'_ to the Tuesday night slot. I laughed but got a steely look from the librarian. "What have you got first Lena?" Harry had helped himself to another slice of toast and I took the other two letters from the table, sliding my finger under the seal. "Potions." I smiled at Harry suggestively and he winked back. No doubt he'd want to know all about it on the way to detention that night. I pulled the letter out and looked over it cautiously, not recognising the handwriting.

_Your father told me the news, congratulations Lena! I knew you could do it. _

_I'm sorry about Monday, I shouldn't have allowed myself to do it and I only hope you can forgive me. _

_Stay safe_

_Remus. _

I put the letter safely into my bag so that the boys couldn't read it and opened the next, only briefing recognising the handwriting. A small smile played across my face and I pulled the letter from the envelope gently.

_Midnight, Friday, by the lake. _

I smiled and Harry looked at me wearily. "Better get going I guess. Don't want to be late for Snape do I." I hugged them both as they left for the divination tower, eating the least few slices of toast, and I walked away in the opposite direction, towards the dungeons.

When I arrived, Angelina, Fred, George and Charlotte were stood outside waiting. Angelina took the lion between her fingers and said how pretty it was, yet the boys weren't looking at the lion but the open neck of my shirt. "For Merlin's sake. It's as if you've never seen a breast before!" I pulled the neck of my shirt together and when the door to the dungeon opened , passed quietly through into the room, standing at a table with Fred, George and Angelina. As I took a cauldron from beneath the desk and placed in upon it, I realised a small little white blossom was on my desk. Angelina nudged me and we watched as the blossom grew large before the bud burst open revealing large soft pink petals. The peony floated above the desk and from it came streams of glittering perfume that wrapped themselves through my curls, leaving the sweet peony scent in my hair. I smiled and guided the blossom back down to my desk, pushing it away from the cauldron so that it wouldn't be damaged. "Who?" Angelina whispered and I shrugged innocently chancing a glance at my potions master. He clocked my gaze and the corners of his mouth rose. "Miss Black, admirers are not for the classroom. I'd prefer if you left your love life outside my classroom door." I nodded at him but as I took my seat I smiled knowingly.

Again we sat through the NEWT lecture, but unlike any of the other teachers, Sev did not promise any extra study support or assistance. He flicked his wand to the board and a recipe for an invisibility spell appeared on the board. As we gathered ingredients and began work Sev walked around the classroom giving the occasional comment or judgement, 'too brown,' 'too thin' 'too thick.' By the time he reached our table we'd all finished and were slowly beginning to tidy away. I stood colleting the last of the dragon toenails from my desk when Sev looked into my cauldron.

"Hmm. Not bad for your first lesson Miss Black. Perfect green colour and the exact consistency described on the board. 10 points to Gryffindor." He continued to walk around the classroom but all the students had stopped now and some were whispering behind covered mouths. "Did I do something wrong?" I whispered to Angelina and she came to stand beside me turning from the rest of the class. Sev paid no attention to the fact that his class had suddenly become comatose and continued to observe everyone's different potions. "He doesn't give out points on the first lesson but to Slytherins." My mouth made an O shape without me even realising I was doing it and I shut my mouth quickly. So much for no special attention.

When the lesson ended and we'd all vialled and given in our potions, everyone gathered around the door waiting to be dismissed. "Not yet. I was very disappointed with most of your performances today, it showed a lack of confidence and concentration on most of your parts. However, by observing you as you worked and looking now at the finished product, I think it safe to say only one of you managed to complete the process to a NEWT standard. Miss Black, your potion, as a reward for working so hard." He handed me the tiny vial and walked away, motioning with his hand for dismissal and the door swung open by itself. "Well done Lena!" Many of the Gryffindors congratulated me on the way out and I smiled timidly, not used to all the attention.

"Why don't you give it to daddy Black? Might help him escape a few more Dementors I suppose. I presume that's something even a whore like you would prefer not to kiss." Ambrose's words stung and I turned quickly on my heel, my wand flying to my hand defensively. "Jealous Ambrose, that I have a father to send it too? And you're wrong about the Dementor. I'd kiss a million Dementors before I kissed you scum." I turned on my heel and sauntered off to break with Angelina and Charlotte. We sat beside the lake and ate the apples we picked from one of the tree's in Sprouts garden. They were large and red and the sweet apples nectar, mixed with brilliant sunshine made our heads spin after two long hours spent in the dungeons.

"Ambrose is a git Lena. You're the only one to ever stand up to him and he hates it. Usually the Slytherins obey his every word and the Gryffindors keep quiet just in case with his Dad and all, so you've blown him out the water so far." Charlotte led on her stomach beside me and I allowed my hands to fly through my curls, untangling the knots that had made their way into my long locks after being tied up in the dungeons. "I know, just some of the stuff he says?" I knelt up on my elbows and glanced out across the lake. Some of the first years had had their first flying lesson and Madame Hooch had allowed them to stay up on the brooms over break. She watched happily on the ground below, obviously delighted with the numbers that had taken to it quickly this year. "It can't exactly be easy having Voldemort round at the weekends can it. I mean, you can't excuse him for it, but he's only ever really known the death eaters and that isn't exactly the best crowd to grow up in is it." I nodded my head at Angelina's comment. Growing up with death eaters wouldn't be easy no. An image of Sev's arm floated in my mind. He never spoke about it and I wasn't quite sure that it was open for discussion. Sure we talked about his missions for the Order but we never actually discussed the fact that essentially he was a death eater.

My mind was brought too much brighter things however when Fred and George joined us. They'd obviously been taste testing their own products and Fred had large grey hair sprouting from his nostrils and ears, while George's nose did not appear to want to stop bleeding. "Why don't you eat the purple end!?" I rushed to help George and passed him the handkerchief that I kept in my skirt pocket. He took it and held it to his nose but it was soaked within minutes and we removed it, Angelina then used her own handkerchief, but it was quickly sodden. "We've lost them all. Umbridge must have nicked our stash when she took George's bag this morning. And he ate the orange end he found in his pocket to display it to some second years. " George's bag had been confiscated before breakfast; Umbridge had said she needed to investigate the peculiar behaviour of the two young boys, and there was no guarantee when they'd get the bag back.

"Dean! Seamus!" I called the boys over knowing they'd bought the nougat from the boys before dinner the night before, only hoping they had them on them. "Please tell me you have some nose bleed nougat. George has got a gusher and we don't have a purple stopper, he's going to pass out in a minute!" They both riffled through their bags, Dean finally finding a single sweet at the bottom of his bag. "Thanks Dean! We owe you one!" I kissed him on the cheek and ran back to the group who had sat George down on the ground. He was milky white and his robes were coated in drying and dripping blood. I shoved the purple end into his mouth and the bleeding stopped immediately. I grabbed a bottle of water from my bag and he drank it thirstily, spitting out the first few mouthfuls to get rid of the blood in his mouth. "Thanks Lena!" I smiled at him sympathetically and rubbed his arm gently. "You'd better take him to the hospital wing Fred, we'll tell Sprout where you are." Fred wrapped an arm around his brother and began to walk slowly up the slope to the castle, "And Fred?!' he turned back to be questioningly 'see if Madam Pomfrey can so anything about that hair." He saluted and continued to carry his brother towards the grand doors.

The rest of the day passed quietly. The boys returned at lunch and joined us down by the lake where we'd made ourselves a little picnic with pumpkin pasties and cauldron cakes that we'd brought down from the hall.

Last period however, meant 2 hours of Umbridge. Her classroom was stifling and she refused to open any windows. The air dried my throat and soon I was gasping for air. We spent the two hours copying out noted from the book and Umbridge watched on from her throne, she had enchanted a fan to flutter itself, cooling her, the constant beating of the wooden folds excruciatingly irritating. When the two hours ended we all trampled down to the lake and stripping off our socks and jumpers, paddled in the cool water. The September sunshine would not last for much longer and we wanted to make good use of it. Angelina and I splashed water at the twins who returned the favour and soon the four of us were soaked. Laughing we threw ourselves down on the grass to dry and lay there for another hour before running up into the castle just in time for dinner.

Before detention I asked Harry to come up to owlery with me to give my replies to Iris and on the journey he couldn't help but ask me how my day had been, an agenda obvious in the tone of his voice. I took the peony blossom from my bag. Lee had made me a small box to put it in and it rested in the small paper chamber. I passed it to Harry who shrugged. "It manifested itself on my desk in potions this morning." He raised an eyebrow, "Snape's a smooth git, I'll give him that." I sighed and put the peony back into my bag.

The owlery remained dark even though its walls were lined with windows and we lit a candle carefully as I tied my replies to Iris's leg. I put Dad's and Remus at the bottom with one for Sev at the top. "Him first Iris alright. You know where he is. Then Dad, then Remus. They'll be at home." She brushed her head against my hand and flew out of the window in a flap of her tiny wings leaving Harry and I to walk to Umbridge's. We could put it off no longer.

Detention was the same as the nights before, long and painful. But this time neither Harry nor I spoke to the old hag, apart from the civil greetings she expected. On our way back to the common room we ran into Ron and I walked on, it looked as if the boys had their own little problems to deal with and I didn't need to play witness to them. I showered quickly and lay in bed looking at the scar that hit the light of the candle I was using to write the essay Sev and Sprout had set us earlier in the day. The pain soared through my veins and I led the finished essays under my bed and blowing out the candle thought about how far Iris had gotten on her delivery.

It was a simple; _I'll be there, _for Severus and a _thank _you to Dad. But my letter had been a little longer to Remus. Hermione was sure the mail was being watched so I'd had to keep it short and sweet to dad and Sev, no names, but it was different with Remus. There was nothing to say I wasn't free to talk to my father's old best friend, and in fact, in his absence it would seem the perfectly normal thing to do.

_I'm sorry too, I think I've led you astray and it isn't fair of me. _

_Let's speak no more of it and act as if it never happened._

_I'll be fine, stop worrying. Lena x_


	14. Chapter 14

Severus's Secret

Friday passed in a blur of homework and quidditch. Wood had left Angelina a tiny movable quidditch set that she played with it constantly, so much in fact, that by dinner that evening, Professor McGonagall regretted giving it to her. Ange was still reeling from Harrys absence and I was glad I wouldn't be down on the pitch, and as Harry and I left that evening for detention I couldn't help but wish they boys an extra bit of luck; not because I was worried they might get hurt, but because I highly doubted they'd survive several hours out in the cold with Angelina.

As we sat down in Umbridge's office for the third night in a row, she took each of our hands in her own gnarled palms. "I think one more evening will suffice Miss Black, but I regret to say that I will require you to return tomorrow night Mr Potter." Harry looked at me and took up his quill, beginning to write cautiously, waiting for the wave of pain to hit. As I began to write myself, the blood began to trickle over the back of my hand and I gritted my teeth tightly determined to show her no pain. Harry seemed to be fairing no better than I, and a few times I caught him stopping to get a hold of himself.

When my hand began to feel numb from the loss of blood I began to watch the clock. The minute hand seemed to drag itself only my a millisecond each tick and by the time we'd finished three rolls of parchment each, the hands on the clock were already reading two minutes till midnight. My hand itched badly and I couldn't see my pale flesh for the thick layer of blood coating it.

"You may leave.' We gathered our things quickly and I almost jumped from my seat 'and Miss Black?' I looked at her fearfully. Please Merlin, no more. 'I do not wish to see you sat in detention any longer, please ensure that this happens." I nodded and Harry and I bustled through the door, him eager to find out if Ron had made it for the team, and me eager for my meeting with Severus by the lake.

At the top of the staircase we hugged one another and Harry flew off towards the common room, while I descended the corridors quietly, wetting my cloak and trying to shift the blood from the back of my hand, but even with the dried blood removed, the scars remained thick and bright, and when I put pressure on my hand, the blood came thicker and faster than ever. _I shall not question the Ministry_ glowed bright red against my pale flesh and I wished now I had brought gloves. I pulled my jumper sleeve down and clamped it tightly in my fist. It stung horribly and I wanted nothing more than to cut my own hand off, but as I pushed open the great doors quietly and walked out to the grounds I realised I had more important things to worry about.

When I'd climbed down almost half of the slope, I saw a dark figure look up towards me and turn, walking away into the forest, staying at the tree's edge towards the lake. I tore off after it and almost collided with Severus who took me in his arms and kissed me tenderly. "I missed you!" My words were breathless and I could almost scream from the longing tugging at my heart. "You're late." "Detention Professor, sorry," and I shot him my most wicked grin. He took my hand in his own and walked with me a little further into the forest, tracing the tree line. I watched as two glassy figures mirrored our movement on the surface of the lake and smiled to myself. A twig broke behind us and he squeezed my hand, I realised now which hand he'd taken. I held my face firm, no trace of emotion passing over it, although it felt like an electric shock passing through my veins to my heart.

It wasn't my face that gave it away. It was the fact that the pressure of him squeezing my hand had caused it to bleed and feeling the warmth he took his hand from mine. My blood was thick on the palm of his hand and the sight of it caused me to stagger. He threw an arm around me and lowered me down onto the bank of the lake. "Lena?" I covered my hand loosely with my right and turned my face from his. His finger caught my chin and turned me to him and I looked around, anywhere but into his eyes. He tried to uncover my hand gently but I tightened my grip on it, "It's nothing. I'm fine." He shook his head and with a little more force removed my hand from my others grasp. He took it gently in his own.

The blood was trickling freely down my arm now and I pushed my jumper sleeve further up my arm. "What have you done to yourself?" he shook his head and muttered under his breath as began to wipe the blood away gently with a piece of cloth he unwrapped from around a vial. I watched the change in his face as he read the words written there. He placed his long thin finger beneath my chin again and stared deeply into my eyes. "Umbridge?" I nodded and a single tear slid down my cheek as pain spiked my system. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have done something." I shook my head and took my hand from his. "I deserve it right, for being the daughter of Sirius Black." It was his turn to shake his head and I felt my eyebrows rise. "I've heard them, talking about me. They really think he killed all those people, and now they're scared of me. Not only do they stare shamelessly but they turn and whisper to others." More tears slid down my cheeks and he took my clean hand in his squeezing it tightly. "You don't deserve this Lena. That hag shouldn't be doing this. If you'd have said something I'd have mentioned it to Albus." "Severus you cannot solve everything. Please." He dropped my hand frostily and I stood a little too quickly, the shiny pebbles that lined the bank slipping beneath my feet. Strong hands caught me and I righted myself, walking to the water's edge, away from the shadow of the trees.

"Lena, please don't be like this." I looked back towards him. I went to him and took his hands in mine. "I'm fine Severus. Why is it all the men in my life think I need saving. First Dad, then Harry and Remus and now you." He flinched at the mention of Remus's name. "Oh God Severus grow up. I'm here with you aren't I?" He looked at me solemnly, "Yes, but it doesn't stop me questioning sometimes why you are." I walked away from him again, unable to see the guilt and self-loathing in his eyes. "Why are we being so serious Severus?" "Because I'm an idiot, that's why." He stood and took my hand. I rested my head against his shoulder and he placed his arm around my back.

"I want to be with you, that's why I'm here. Let's not talk now. I can think of much better things to be doing." I smiled up at him wickedly and a small smile played on his lips. He pulled me into him and laid a hungry kiss on my mouth. It wasn't pain that ran through my veins now but hunger and need. I broke the kiss and pulled him down to me where I lay myself back on the pebble bank.

He straddled me where I lay and ran kisses from my mouth, down my throat. My hands fell between the soft strands of his hair and I pushed him a little into my skin, and with every kiss I felt my back arch, pushing me into him. He ran his hands down my body and hooked his hand beneath my skirt. The feel of his fingers against my bare thigh, burnt every last bit of restraint I had, and I took his mouth hungrily in mine, my tongue pulsing against his. I sighed into his mouth as his fingers ran a path from my hip down behind my knee. The palm of his hand fell at the back of my knee and he lifted my leg around to settle on his own hip. I hooked my leg over his back and as he lay kisses across my throat again, I thrusted into him, every kiss biting at my flesh like lightning. His hands flew back to my thigh and I felt his nails pressing into my flesh lightly. I took his mouth in mine again and with every thrust of my tongue against his, I felt my hips buck into his. His hands came up to brush against my chest and he pushed the neck of shirt open even more so that he could lay gentle kisses across the top of my breasts. I relaxed against him and unhooked my leg from his, breaking the kiss, knowing he was a little too close to losing control.

As he lay down beside me he lifted me to lie over him. I looked down into his eyes and they glimmered beautifully in the moonlight being refracted by the lake. A smile played across my lips and I nipped at his lips gently. "God Lena, you're so beautiful." His fingers traced my lips and they fell in between the curls of my hair. I tutted, "Severus." I felt myself blush deeply, "You really are Lena, you should hear how the boys talk about you," I shook my head and he nodded smiling. "All of them, Slytherins, Gryffindors, third years, seventh years. You've certainly got them hooked." "Shame it's all for their potions master then isn't it?" I smiled down at him and he held my face in his hands. "What did I do to deserve you hmm?" I got up and sat beside him on the bank. I took my hand is and he sat up beside me. "Why are you so hell bent on putting yourself down all the time? You obviously don't see what I do." He tilted his head and sighed. "This isn't normal for me Lena. I've never been the one to have a girl on my arm, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. No one's ever loved me before now." I kissed him gently. "Severus Snape you're a better man than you think you are." I stroked his cheek and he kissed my fingers.

"What are we going to do Severus? Are we just going to meet up in the dark at ungodly times of night? Is this it?" I sighed and he squeezed my hand tightly. "Just this year Lena, then you'll be free." I wrapped my fingers through his. "Then we can be together? Hmm" I sighed happily. I could handle a year of this surely. "You hold every part of me Sev. Heart, head and soul. Yours, forever." A smile lit up his face and he kissed my forehead lightly.

"Was that the last detention?" I nodded and he smiled, thinking, "Good." He took my hand again and began to lead me back through the forest. "Severus?" 'Hmm?' he looked down at me.

"What exactly are we Severus?" He squeezed my hand tightly and raised his eyebrows. "Whatever you want us to be?" He laughed but I didn't return it. "Saying your my boyfriend sounds too juvenile. Partner?" He shook his head, "Too formal." We walked on a little further. I shivered and he wrapped his arm around me bringing me in closer to him. "Lover?" my voice was quiet, having never used the word before, and I felt myself blush innocently. "Lover sounds about right," he pecked my lips lightly and held me tightly against him.

"Why don't you offer study sessions Sev? All the other teachers do." He loosened his grip a little and his face lost all sign of emotion. "Severus?" "They don't like me, so there's no point in asking. Easier to not ask then face a room full of rejection.' 'You've seen it; none of them would choose to spend time with me." I held onto him tightly and stopped walking. "I would. And what did I just say about being hard on yourself? Maybe you should try being more gentle with them. You were amazing with Harry and Ginny over summer." He smiled tightly and I shook my head at him. "That was different, they wanted the help. It's fine Lena, I'm used to it okay? I'm the teacher who walks into a room and all the students walk out. Always have been, always will be." I stroked a stray hair from his face, "I'll never be one of those people Severus, promise." He smiled down at me and took my mouth in his. His lips were gentle and his tongue pressed for entrance into my mouth. I allowed him in and he pressed me against the nearest tree gently.

"Why do you have to be a student Lena? If you were only a few years older," he shook his head and his hair flew into his eyes, I brushed the strands away again, "But I'm not love, it's just something we've got to work around. Age is just a number anyway. A 17 year old can be more mature than a 25 year old, but who would it be more acceptable to sleep with?" I shook my head and his fingers traced the bridge of my nose. "If only it was that easy. I could take you when I wanted and no one could say anything of it. I could take you into the great hall and kiss you like this,' he pressed his lips to mine and his teeth fell jaggedly against my lower lip, my breath caught in my throat and I sighed into him, 'and no one could comment or argue," he finished breathlessly. I pressed my head against his chest. "I'll be 18 in two weeks. If we were muggles, no one could stop us. But everything's different here. Everyone's so much quicker to judge." "Your 18 in two weeks? Seriously? Why didn't you tell me before?" He looked agitated and I smiled up at him taking his face in my hands and forcing him to look me in the eyes. "It's ages away Severus." He shook his head and we lent away from the tree, beginning to walk up the slope again, moving between the tall dark trees.

"Severus, have you ever…? I mean, you said earlier that no one had ever loved you. Have you..?" I just couldn't say it and he stopped. "Have I what? Been in love? Yes, but only once before. And she didn't care for me the same way." I shook my head seeing sadness flash across his face. Harry and Ron had told me all about Lily already.

"We keep making this big deal about, you know, being together, but I mean, have you ever been with anyone before? You keep worrying about my…virtue, but?" I couldn't look at him and instead watched my foot trail a pattern in the soil beneath our feet. He sighed and I looked up at him. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry," I shook my head and sighed quietly.

I tried to take his hand but he moved his inside his robes to stop me taking it. I went to walk away, but he sighed, taking my wrist, pulling me to him. His finger lifted my chin and his eyes were full of warmth and love. "Never, Lena." We looked at each other for a few moments. "I'm your first?" he nodded shyly and I kissed him hard on the lips. There was me thinking he was the experienced one. We probably had about as much as experience as each other.

"You could have said something! There's me, freaking out about it, thinking I was just going to be a mess, and you were going to hate me because I wouldn't know what to do!" He laughed a little. "You always seemed like you knew what you were doing. You always led." I looked into his eyes and he smiled down at me, "I must be a really great actor." I laughed and his grip tightened on me. "I make it up as I go along Lena. I don't know how to touch you or kiss you; I just do what feels natural. I'm probably more nervous than you are. I thought you'd think I was a bit out of touch, a middle aged man never having taken a woman,' 'And then there was this part of me that kept saying maybe you weren't as inexperienced as I thought, and that scared me even more, knowing what you'd expect of me." His face had set in a stony grimace and I smiled up at him gently. "I don't expect anything from you Severus. I thought I'd need you to be patient, but it seems like you're as nervous as I am. You have no idea how relieved I am. We'll just have to take it slow and be gentle with one another, until we're both ready." His face relaxed and he pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"I think bed might be in order love, you look tired." He was right. It was at-least two and my legs felt as if they were going numb from the cold breeze playing against my bare calves. "Your bed?" I winked up at him bravely and he laughed, "No I think yours would be much better suited for sleep, it's too much a temptation having you in my own bed." He laughed and I sank into his open arms. He held me for a while before leading me back to the castle and up to Gryffindor tower. It would look better getting caught with a teacher at this time of night than by myself due to the fact we could always use the excuse of study periods for our reason being together. Just before we reached the portrait hole, I pulled him into one of the stone arched corridors that lined the hallway. "Thank you, for everything. The Peony this morning? And for being honest with me. I could ask for no more than that." "I thought you might like it, and I shouldn't have been anything but honest with you Lena, I should know by now you're smarter than that." I smiled at him and pecked his lips innocently. "Goodnight Professor," he nodded, "Miss Black." I watched as he swept down the corridor, his cloak billowing behind him.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke late on Saturday morning, Angelina stood above me, her hair dripping wet. "Come on sleepy head, up!" I dragged myself up and rubbed my eyes sleepily. The clock beside my bed read 9.30 and my insides cried a little. I hadn't fallen asleep till 3 and I knew I'd pay for it later. I showered and dressed in a green jumper and skinny jeans, my white vest shining through the loose knitted fabric of my jumper and I grabbed a pair of tan leather sandals from my trunk.

We met the boys downstairs and George and I skipped happily down to breakfast, arm in arm, smiling at the knowledge we had a whole two days to much around and catch the last bit of sunshine. It was already warm and I was quickly regretting the jumper. But when we entered the great halls all eyes flicked to me and the whispering started almost immediately. George squeezed my arm tightly and as we walked past the Slytherin table several jeered including Malfoy and Ambrose. Hermione couldn't quite look me in the eye when we sat down and I made her spill immediately. She passed me the Prophet and there in plain black and white was the thing I dreaded most in the world.

"_BLACK SPOTTED._"

I read the article quietly and Harry squeezed my hand. My breathing felt tight and my heart was struggling to find its regular pace. "I need to leave." I stood and almost ran from the hall, not talking to anyone on my way. Many of the Slytherins were laughing now and I could do nothing to stop the angry tears falling down my face. At the sight of me crying though, the laughing and cat calls grew even louder and my speed increased, soon I was almost flying out of the hall.

I ran and ran, straight out the main doors and down the slope to the lake. I slowed down realising no one was following, doubtful anyone could have caught me if they wanted to. I collapsed on the ground where Severus and I had sat the night before. Sobs raked my body and I allowed myself to cry until my throat was dry and students were beginning to tumble down the slope themselves, ready for a day in the sun.

Someone had seen him. Realised he was an animagus. I couldn't believe it. What if the Dementors were set after him? Although London seemed big, it wouldn't take them long to sweep the area. I'd never get to say goodbye. And as I feared I'd be alone. I had to write him. Iris wasn't back yet but Harry might let me use Hedwig. I sat watching the lake, the giant squid breaking the water every now and then to feel the rays of the sun on its tentacles. If life was only so easy, to be able to swim all day, no staring, laughing or evil little comments. As I sat and watched the squid swim lengths of the lake, several footsteps fell heavily behind me and Fred and George skidded down the slope, their feet sliding on the dewy grass. "Lena?" I nodded and George grabbed me tightly around the waist, pulling me up from my grassy seat into his arms.

"We're sorry Lena, we thought you might want some time alone," George looked shiftily to Fred and I looked between them. "And they were too busy pushing their wands into Ambrose and Malfoy's throat to think you might need someone to talk to. I'm sorry Lena; I had to hold them back. Are you okay?" Angelina wrapped me in her hands warmly and threw a pile of our books and bags to the grounds. "mm." The tears came thick and fast again and the boys joined our group hug. "It's going to be okay Lena, Sirius is a sneaky bastard. They won't catch him. Anyway no one knows where Grimmauld is. Everyone apart from the people in the order, but they've detained Podmore and they could use Veritaserum I suppose." Angelina hit Fred hard in the ribs. "Sirius will be okay Lena. He has you to keep him out of trouble now." I nodded and released her, wiping the tears from my face.

"We grabbed you toast" George unwrapped a pile of warm buttery toast and I ate it hungrily. We led down on the grass together and lay in the sunshine, drinking ice cold pumpkin juice from bottles the boys collected from the kitchens. Angelina was trundling on with a stack of homework and although id had detention most of the week, I'd completed most of it in our study periods and a few pieces at night time. All I had left was an essay for potions, a couple of pages of reading for charms and a few questions on the troll rebellions of 1203 for history of magic. I pulled out my textbook and began reading about vanishing charms of the 17th century.

I read them through slowly but the boys caught my attention when they began soaring over our heads throwing a quaffle between them. Although they didn't do history of magic, I knew for a fact they still had the essays to do for transfiguration and defence against the dark arts. "Guys, seriously? You have practise this afternoon, shouldn't you be doing that work for McGonagall?" "No we're alright thanks Lena! Sunday was made for homework!" Fred and George laughed heartily and as Ron and Harry tumbled down the grass towards us the boys flew down to meet them.

"Congrats Ron! You're going to be great!" I hugged him tightly, not having seen him the night before. "Hmm, hope so." He looked a little green and I squeezed his arm tightly. Harry hugged me strongly and I held on to him with all I had. "I've already sent him a letter, told him not to leave the house, at-least for your sakes. I'm here Lena, if you need me. I don't want to lose him either." I hugged him tightly and he used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe the tears from my face, we both laughed and he led down beside Angelina and me, taking out his own homework.

At lunchtime the boys flew up to the castle and ransacked the kitchens bringing down a picnic with them. We ate ourselves silly, huge slabs of flapjack and cherry pie, sandwiches and crisps and by the time Angelina and the boys were ready for practise, I had reached my potions essay. I was feeling a little too hot and so grabbing my jumper, wished the others luck, before walking back up to the castle. Without realising what I was doing, I descended the stairs to the dungeons and walked the corridor to Severus's office.

I knocked, but with no answer I wandered on down to his classroom. It was much cooler down here and Goosebumps appeared on my arms. I shifted the weight of my books on my back and as I turned the corner to the potions room, I found the door open. I knocked and a dark haired head poked out of the store room at the back. "Hey, I wondered if I could work in here, it's too hot up there." He nodded and I took my usual desk at the back of the room. I took out my books and lay them in front of me but sat and watched as Severus put several large jars and vials away in the storeroom. He smiled when he noticed me watching him and although I reached for my quill I struggled to find the words I needed.

Severus put the last of the jars away and reached for a stack of papers on his desks. He put a quill between his lips and carried the stack towards me. He took Angelina's normal seat and I smiled, beginning my essay. We sat for a while in silence, him markings his essays and I writing my own. Soon my hand got cramp and I finished my second piece of parchment. "Thirsty?" I nodded and conjured a large silver teapot and china cups. I poured two large cups full and added several sugars to mine before drinking it quietly. I stood and drank little sips while looking around the classroom.

"I take it you saw the prophet this morning?" I didn't look at him but he coughed at my question, showing he didn't know how to approach the topic himself. "I did yes. And you'll be glad to know Malfoy and Ambrose both have detention with me this week for what they've been saying." I nodded and carried on my little tour of the large room. "How are you feeling?" I shrugged and placed my cup on his desk, picking up a small square metal box from the cupboard. It had tiny silver flowers and leaves decorating it and I fingered one of the leaves gently. "Harry wrote him already, told him to be careful." I placed the box back down and picked up my cup, walking back to the desk, taking my seat. "It's not as if I can do much being stuck here. I just have to pray he listens." Severus placed his hand on mine and I smiled weakly at him.

Seeing the look on my face, he picked up my essay. "It's good, really good. Be careful how you define vanishing though." He placed it back down and I placed my cup back on the table to pick up my quill. "Severus?" 'Hmm?' he looked up at me only briefly, before returning to the parchment he was marking. "Don't you miss sunlight, being locked up down here all day long?" He smiled craftily. "Funny, I thought the sunlight shone pretty brightly when you showed up in my doorway." I shook my head and he laughed. "You're so cringey sometimes." I hit him on the arm and he flinched as if it hurt, and realising which arm I'd hit I apologised quietly. "It's fine, still a little sore, that's all." Molly had said his arm would be healed by now so I looked at him sceptically. He didn't notice and continued to mark his papers. I continued slowly with my own work and we talked quietly while we worked.

When I sat in-front of him, a 4 parchment long essay on the desk he smiled across at me and took my lips quickly. "Time for Dinner?" I nodded and pulled on my jumper, realising how cold it really was down here. I pulled my bag together and we walked together up to the great hall, him walking away to the staff table, and I to the Gryffindor table where a very muddy, cold quidditch team sat. "The weather turned on us." I laughed and sat down beside Angelina. Her hair was matted with mud against her skull and she tried aimlessly to pull the strands apart. Ron looked rather defeated at his end of the table and I smiled weakly at him. He didn't return it and looked down into his mash potato. "Please tell me your afternoon was better than ours." Fred looked over his plate to me, his face plastered in muddy splodges. "Library. All homework's finished though." He smiled at me, "Help me tomorrow please? I'm stuck on Snapes." I nodded taking a pork chop and cutting it slowly.

Everyone continued to whisper and stare but everybody on our table talked loudly and laughed along with the twins jokes, trying to break the uneasy tension that filled the room. Ron, however, sat quietly and was the first to leave the table. "Is he alright?" I looked from Angelina to the boys, "Not that great to be honest. He's just too nervous. I don't know what we're going to do." We began to trail our way out of the hall slowly but were stopped at the foot of the staircase by a sour faced Ambrose, who was surrounded by his hefty cronies.

"Too bad about your Dad, Black. Thought you said he was good at escaping? Shame really. At-least the Dementors can't touch my Dad without an order from the Minister; I heard they can suck your Dad dry if they find him." I stood strongly beside Angelina, her hand in mine, noticing this Ambrose sneered, "You fly that way do you Black? Only I thought you liked them much older, male and a little bit greasy." He laughed and I felt my heart jump in my chest. No bloody way. "You're only jealous Ambrose. You know she'd never look twice at you. Good thing too really, Merlin knows what diseases you've got. They'd have to quarantine the hospital wing if you're sorry arse ever had to enter it." Fred's voice was loud and many of the other students had stopped their own conversations to gather around us, even the teachers had been forced to stop, they could not move for the sea of students that were now congregating around the bottom of the stairs.

"I think that's quite enough, don't you Mr Ambrose, Mr Weasley?" Dumbledore had pushed through the little group of first years stood to the left and now stood some distance between the two boys. "Sorry sir. Ambrose just can't control the kind of garbage that pours from his mouth." Angelina spat in the Slytherins vague direction and it hit Ambrose's shoe. "Yuck, dirty blood traitor scum, you aren't worth air!" Ambrose had risen to his full height and stood rather pointedly over Angelina. "You stay away from her!" Fred and I both shouted simultaneously, jumping in-front of her, both pulling our wands from our jeans, pointing them towards his chest. I turned my head a little and caught Severus trying to push through the crowd, he looked worried, but I shook my head slightly and it looked as if he caught himself, "ENOUGH!" McGonagall came to stand beside Dumbledore and her voice was fuelled by rage. "Mr Ambrose we do not tolerate that language at our school! I will see you in detention tomorrow night in my office,' Fred sniggered, 'and you Mr Weasley, you may very well be protecting your friends, but this kind of behaviour is unacceptable."

Fred sighed and looked between me and Angelina, he turned to George who smiled knowingly, "You're worth it," and with that he and George swung around, fists landing violently against Ambrose's nose and chest. Blood poured everywhere and Angelina and I dived to grab each of the twins. "BOYS, MY OFFICE NOW!" McGonagall yelled, but the boys ran free of our grasp and dived back upon Ambrose hitting and punching him. Angelina and I tried to get the boys off him but they were much stronger than they looked. "QUIET!" Dumbledore had used his wand to amplify his voice and everyone fell silent. The boys stood and ascended the stairs to McGonagall's office without another word. Ambrose lay in a bloody mess on the floor.

McGonagall helped him to his feet and told Malfoy to help him to the Hospital Wing, "Hopefully Mr Weasley was wrong and you aren't as diseased as he made out, otherwise Poppy may have to close down the hospital wing." Angelina and I laughed quietly and she shot us a look, "Sorry Professor," we muttered quietly and turned to Lee who stood chortling silently behind us. We went to climb the stairs and found ourselves meandering slowly up behind Malfoy and Ambrose. Ambrose turned his head over Malfoy's shoulder and snarled back at me, "I'll get you for this Black, you just wait." I poked my tongue out at him and he hobbled into the Hospital wing. Angelina and I made our way back up to the common room and found it to be empty, everyone obviously having cleared out to find somewhere they could gossip without my sudden appearance.

We collapsed in the chairs beside the fire and Hermione joined us, taking her own favourite chair. "Are you okay Lena?" I nodded and laughed, "I'm getting used to it Hermione, he hasn't said one nice word to me since I got here." She smiled weakly, obviously not meaning it. "I can't believe the twins, we're worth it Angelina!" I laughed and she laughed beside me. "What did he mean though Lena, the whole old guy thing?" I shook my head, my stomach plummeting. I poked the fire with the brass poker that stood beside it. It simmered happily and its warmth nestled around my bones. "Not sure, maybe he's not just simple minded, maybe he's delusional too." Hermione and Angelina laughed and Ron came in to sit with us, taking the only remaining chair.

It felt good not to be locked in Umbridge's office and my thoughts trailed to Harry. He'd missed the whole argument and only he would register what the old comment meant. It would be safer not to tell him, he might try to sway me off of it if he realised someone else knew, especially someone we didn't want to know. The boys strolled in casually a little later, they came and took the floor in front of the fire and relayed their conversation with McGonagall. Only one detention. She'd admitted that they'd been right to protect us and she'd said she'd probably have reacted the same way. Ambrose, however, appeared to be facing much worse, with a fortnights worth of detention with Filch, McGonagall had said that he shouldn't even consider those words acceptable to use in modern society, let alone in a school.

Harry trailed in much later and Angelina had already wished us all goodnight. He sunk into her vacant chair and the boys quickly launched into an account of the argument. Every last bloody word of it. Harry turned to me of course, when they mentioned the man comment but I turned from him quickly and looked down into the bowl that Hermione had had him lay his hand in. Ron and Harry had told her what Umbridge had been doing and as always she found a quick cure. The twins tumbled up to bed eventually, Hermione following soon after. Ron went to follow and I hugged him gently, making my own way to the stairs.

"Lena?" I turned to him and he looked at me purposefully. "I know, I don't know how Harry." I sunk back into the chair and he came to sit in-front of me. "You've been careful? Not out in public." He lifted my chin as Severus usually did and I felt myself fall into those deep green eyes. "No, we've been really careful. Unless he put the flower thing together, but that's really unlikely. I mean, we were out by the lake last night but he wouldn't have seen us, we would have heard him. And I was in his classroom this afternoon, but we were both working." He squeezed my hands tightly. "Maybe he just thinks I've got a thing for Severus, maybe he doesn't actually know we're together." He nodded, "yeah maybe. Have you spoken to Snape?" I shook my head, "No, he went to interrupt the argument but I think he caught my eye and stopped himself." He held my hands tightly in his. "Is this really what you want Lena? Is Severus worth it?" My eyes locked onto his. He hadn't used anything but his surname since I'd met him, and I felt tears spring in my eyes. "He really is Harry. I… I think I love him," he kissed me gently on the lips and guided me to the stairs to the girl's dormitories, "then that's all that matters."

[A/N] Hey everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story!

I,d really appreciate it if you'd favourite, review and keep reading. I'd really like to see what you all think of it!

Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot to me!

Kat xx


	16. Chapter 16

Sunday appeared to be quite quiet in comparison to the day before at first. I helped George with his charms in the morning and Fred with his potions in the afternoon. He really was struggling with it, and you could see by the look on his face that he was glad for the help. When we went down for dinner that night, the Slytherin table booed as we walked past. We shook our heads and took our seats, but the faces at the staff table showed anger. I took a spoon of mashed potatoes and a large steak, before chancing a look up at Severus.

He was sat rather low in his seat and was glaring down at the Slytherin table, where Ambrose and Malfoy were sat jeering in our general direction. As the night before, we continued to talk loudly with one another and laughed at the twins who had bewitched their steaks causing them to ram into one another. George's steak was winning and so Fred began to throw snowballs of mashed potato at it.

I laughed with the others but my eyes continued to stray to Severus. I caught Harry's eye several times and he motioned to ask whether I'd spoken to Severus yet. I shook my head sadly and he returned to watching the twin's steak fight. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Severus, to see what was going on down in the dungeons. I had to find a way of meeting him alone, but I could think of nothing. As I looked up at the table I caught Severus's eye, but no smile played across his lips as it usually did. I frowned at him and he turned from me, returning his gaze to the Slytherins. He ate nothing and my heart plummeted. I saw Harry watching him also, and he shook his head as he looked to me.

I ate quickly, telling the others I wanted to hit the library before it closed, they said nothing but Harry nodded and I knew he'd make any excuses if I were that late back. I was the first to leave the hall and although no one was watching me, I made to go up the staircase, before turning behind me to check. Seeing no one was watching, I dived quickly down the dungeon staircase and ran full speed to Severus's office. As usual it was locked and I cursed quietly. I heard footsteps and I dived quickly into a small chamber opposite the office door. The footsteps fell rapidly over the stone flooring and my heart felt as if it would explode from the pressure of not breathing. A tall figure stood and searched the corridor. I stepped out from my hiding place quietly. He saw me and relief washed over his face. "Lena, are you alright? I mean, last night?" I nodded, "Fine Severus. What about you? You're not looking too great." And he really wasn't. Up close, his skin looked much sallower than usual and his eyes had lost their normal spark. His hair was greasy and his lips were chapped and dry.

He shook his head, "He knows doesn't he?" I couldn't look him in the eye and the fear that had gripped my heart last night would not lessen. "I don't know, but from what he said last night he suspects something. Severus, can we go somewhere? You shouldn't be walking around like this, you look a fright." He nodded taking my hand and pulling me down the corridor, past his office and in the opposite direction to his classroom. I followed quietly and when we turned another corner he used his wand to open a door. He pulled me inside and led me into the centre of the room. "I'll be right back." He left me after lighting several candles, and entered a room off the side of this larger one.

On the longest wall were two large windows with window seats, covered by dark green velvet curtains and I stroked the smooth fabric carefully. The windows were obviously enchanted to show the appropriate weather and time of day, as we were several feet below ground and I was reminded of the ones Harry had described lined the walls of the Ministry. A large bookcase wrapped around the wall on one side of the room and it was adorned with heavy leather bound books describing everything from jinxes to underwater plants of Peru. I heard a shower running and knew that was where Severus was.

I hadn't meant to be harsh, but I wasn't used to seeing him so unkempt anymore and I had hurt a little seeing what he'd let happen to himself in a day. In the centre of the room stood two green, velvet cinch loveseats and I kicked the flats off my feet before taking a seat in one of them. The rest of the room was rather dark, but I saw a large desk stood between the two windows, piled high with papers and books, and a small kitchenette against the other wall. There was only one other door in the room, apart from the one Severus had exited through, and I realised it must have led to his bedroom. The shower rumbled and the water stopped. I tried to look anywhere but at the door but when Severus stepped through the door I couldn't keep my eyes off him.

It wasn't the first time he'd taken my breath away, but this was the first time I'd felt it throughout my body. He was drying his hair in a towel and it hung in wet curtains around his face. For the first time, he wasn't wearing wizard clothing and instead wore a pair of dark jeans that hung low on his hips and a tight black shirt. "No robes?" He came to sit beside me and I led back in his arms, my head against his chest. He sniggered and I smiled up at him, "I prefer you like this anyway." I ran my hand down his denim clad leg and I felt him tense beneath my touch.

After a while I spoke, "What do we do about Ambrose?" His hand reached for mine and his answer sounded almost rehearsed, "Nothing, we wait and hold back, see what he does." I nodded against his chest and he ran his free hand through my hair. "No more about Ambrose, we're together now and that's all that I care about."

I smiled into him and I felt his warmth against my cheek. "When's your birthday? I think I know now what I'm getting you." My fingers ran through his and I turned in his arms so I rested against the leg he'd slid behind me. "A week Friday and you don't need to get me anything. I have all I need right here." His fingers curled around my hair and I stroked his cheek tenderly. "Well I've found it now and put a deposit on it, so too bad." I sunk into him and he kissed my forehead gently. 'Mm' I sighed and he kissed the tip of my nose as I tipped my head back to look up at him. I pushed myself up a little on the couch and took his mouth in mine. My mind had gone fuzzy at the press of his lips against my own and my body hummed as he lifted me, wrapping me around him so that he held me against his chest, my legs falling behind him.

Goosebumps emerged down my bare arms and he laid kisses over them, causing them to prickle with heat. I caught his mouth in mine again and our tongues danced against one another. I felt myself tense as I felt his hand slip beneath my shirt, and I pulled myself closer to him, my mouth hungrier than ever for his touch, heat pooling in my stomach. His hand slipped further and further up my back until I felt his fingers tracing the lace straps holding my underwear together. I pulled away a little and seeing the hunger in his eyes, I pulled my shirt up over my head. I sat back off his hips a little and watched as he took me in. I was suddenly very glad I'd worn the cream French lace bra I'd bought in France, and I felt myself blush innocently. I let my finger trace his face and lips before I pressed forward and forced my tongue into his mouth. He lay back on the couch, taking me with him and before long we were a tangle of arms and legs. I unbuttoned his shirt and kissed every inch of his skin before I lifted myself back up to straddle him. Curls fell in my eyes and I tossed my head to the side to remove them. Severus moaned and I shifted above him, rubbing myself where I knew it would hurt him the most. His grip tightened on my waist and I lay forward to kiss him gently on the mouth. I hovered over him, watching the fire dance voraciously in his eyes. His hands began to trace my stomach and again his long fingers danced across the lace on my chest.

There was a sudden change in his eyes and I was quickly lying below him, so that he was now the one straddling me. His mouth connected with mine and my fingertips trailed his chest, pulling at the waistband of his jeans. He pressed against me and I gasped, feeling his excitement against my leg. I felt my muscles tense and seeing this, Severus pressed his mouth to my throat, lying hot, wanting kisses, across my collarbone. He hovered over me and I smiled at him happily, his hand lifted my head to his and his teeth grazed my lower lip causing me to moan quietly, feeling my back arch into him. His mouth lay a path of kisses down across the cup of my breast and feeling his hot breathe through the lace, I gasped as I felt the bud there harden. The lace was only thin and Sev, seeing the change in my shape, looked into my eyes lovingly before taking it delicately into his mouth. I cried out as his teeth pulled at me, and his hands gripped me tightly against him. My nails raked a path down his back as I held myself to him and the hot kisses he now ran down and over my other breast caused my skin to buzz.

The hot pool in my stomach stirred hungrily and feeling it move inside me, I took Severus's mouth in my own, biting down on his tongue gently as his fingers rubbed the lace covering my buds, feeling the pressure release itself and ebb away. Our lips remained locked together for a little while longer before Severus rested motionless over me, his own excitement now satisfied. His eyes caught mine and I kept the eye contact as he lifted me gently to him as he rolled back over, so that I lay on top. I sighed contentedly and Sev ran his hands through my hair gently.

"I don't know how long I can do this Lena. Just touch you, never feeling you." I felt myself blush deeply and I hid my face against his chest. "Soon, Sev. I don't know if I could handle it right now, it's bad enough not knowing what's going on at home." I looked down into his eyes and he nodded, a smile sneaking onto his face, "that's alright with me, whenever you're ready." I looked down at him but he wouldn't quite catch my eye. "Severus, it's okay if _you_ don't want to. I'm scared shitless." He squeezed my hand tightly "But what if I hurt you or something goes wrong?" "You won't hurt me Severus, and if you do then we sort it out don't we." I stroked his face and he kissed me lightly.

We lay together on the couch for a while, just touching one another, getting used to one another's bodies as we talked. "You don't live here the entire time do you Sev? Like, not in holidays and stuff?" He shook his head, "No, I couldn't live here all the time, It would drive me mad. I live in the house I grew up in." "Really? What's it like?" he laughed, "Dark. Really dark." "Kind of like this then," it was only a mutter, but he squeezed my hand and laughed, "It could do with a woman's touch, I have to admit." My stomach clenched tightly, an awkward silence fell and I continued quickly, "Where is it?" "In a place called Spinner's end in Surrey. It's a really dark place. Old, tall, industrial houses. I didn't spend that much time there over summer so it's fallen into disuse a little I suppose." "When will you go back?" A look passed over his face, somewhere between shock and thought. "I might go back at Christmas I suppose. Don't know if I can stick Christmas here. I might have Order business then though I suppose." I rested my head back on his chest. Hmm, Christmas. So much better than any birthday. "I love Christmas. I suppose I'll be home with Dad. At-least I can keep an eye on him I suppose." His hands slid down my back and rested on my hips.

"What's your problem with Dad? You hate each other so much. But Remus doesn't care that much either way, I thought being best friends they'd stick together no matter what." He flinched at Remus's name and I ignored it. Child. "Your Dad and I have never gotten along. He and Harry's dad, James, used to target me when we were at school. Remus can't hate, you'd think after what I did he'd be quick to hate, but still nothing." I leant up on his chest, "What did you do?" I couldn't help but frown, Remus, nor anyone else, had mentioned anything over summer. "I told the Slytherins he was a werewolf. He had to quit." I hit him on the chest. "What did you do that for? He's harmless! You were the one making him the wolfs bane potion for goodness sake!' he looked up at me shocked, 'oh yeah, they mentioned that!" I grabbed my shirt from the floor and pulled it roughly over my head. I slid off his legs and snuggled up in the opposite corner of the loveseat. "It was just…After all those years of being treated like shit by your moron of a father, and then to have him evade the authorities when I could finally get him back, I took it all out on who was closest and it just happened to be Lupin."

They were all bloody children! The lot of them! All trying to get revenge on the other. "You're all grown men now, will you never give up!" I looked at him and he looked away guiltily. "No, you wouldn't stoop so low!" I looked at him but he wouldn't look at me and he'd now moved farther down the love seat. "Please tell me that isn't what this!?" He started and tried to grab my hand, "Never Lena! How can you think that!? I…I…god Lena…" We stood opposite one another, he was much taller than I and at times like this it was much more obvious. "Say it…go on…you couldn't say anything worse…" He walked towards me and tried to take my wrists in his hands, I pulled away rather harshly and regretted it when I saw his face, "Look, I'm sorry Lena, and I know what I did to Remus was wrong but I was different back then." I relented and allowed him to take my hand. "I'm sorry; it's just I always feel like I'm the one stuck in the middle of it all. I know you would never do that to me. I'm sorry Severus." I fell against him and he kissed the top of my head gently. "I think you should be getting upstairs, its nearly one and if Umbridge catches you out of bed she'll kill the pair of us." "Mm.' I kissed him gently on the lips. 'The High inquisitor, great. What if she's giving the first years the same detention as Harry and I Severus, they don't deserve that." "I'll talk to Albus; see if there's anything else we can do. Maybe I could throw the detentions, make sure anybody with hers, get one with me as well, then ill arrange them at the same time and double the detentions." I kissed his mouth lightly, "You, Severus Snape are a good man."

We walked our normal path to the common room very quietly and said goodnight in the usual little corridor before I entered through the portrait hole. Hearing voices I slowed down, but then a gruff but very familiar voice spoke and I nearly tripped as I ran around to the fireplace where three scared looking teens sat, but I wasn't interested in them, I was much more interested in the face in the fireplace. "Dad?" my voice was quiet and Harry and the others sat staring at me. "Lena." His voice was broken and I fell to the floor in-front of him. "Harry I told you she couldn't know." Harry shook his head behind me and my blood boiled. "You knew! You knew he was going to be here! Harry you know how dangerous this is! If someone saw you?!" Harry stared directly down at me but said nothing. "I told him not to tell you Lena. I knew you'd react like this. Just all of you…" I turned quickly as Dads voice broke again and his head suddenly disappeared, an arm came floating in from one side of the fireplace and Hermione and I led out loud screams. "Dad, Dad, please no!" I sat frozen and Harry came to sit beside me, both of us watching the fireplace in-case dad returned. We sat for a few minutes in silence, the ghost like arm scratching at the edges of the fireplace hopelessly. "We shouldn't still be here; if someone's watching the fireplaces they might come up here to check we're all in bed." Hermione spoke only quietly but was all took leave, bidding each other goodnight before climbing our respectable staircases to bed.


	17. Chapter 17

The next week was filled with nothing but homework, lessons and nightly conversations with Severus, whenever either of us could slip away. We used his office and our brief meetings allowed us to share but a few words or kisses, so that by that weekend we were both hungry for a little more time together. He'd kept his word and was now serving detention almost nightly and he would leave these sessions with his students to enter his office where I'd already be sat waiting for him. And in potions on Wednesday I'd been greeted by a large pale blue peony.

Harry and I had spent a lot more time together as we both had taken to hiding in the library of the common room till the early hours. It had allowed us to talk at leisure about everything from our classes, to the Order and Severus. I finally felt for the first time in my life that I had someone who cared for me no matter what, but also knew part of what I was going through, and this had allowed me to talk to Harry about my mother on several occasions. I think we'd both found a peace in one another and I found by the end of the week id spent more time with him than the twins and Angelina. Neither seemed to mind as Angelina had been giving Ron extra practise sessions and the twins were busy developing Merlin knows what in their dormitory.

By Sunday that week, I found I missed Severus so terribly that before breakfast I set Iris the task of delivering him a letter asking to meet out by the lake that night after dinner. Iris had flown in with the other owls as we all ate and had swept down to Severus rather hoity at being allowed to deliver to the staff table. He read the letter quickly and drummed his fingers against his goblet. I smiled knowing tonight would be worth waiting for and filled my day with working on Harrys transfiguration homework with him down by the lake. We'd both sent letters to Dad that week, I scolding him angrily for not telling me his plan and Harry repeating my argument, although a lot less angrily. I sat fingering the small lion around my neck as Harry worked and I sipped my bottle of butterbeer quietly. "Your present came this morning, had to get McGonagall to have it delivered to her office, it was too big for Hedwig to carry." I laughed, "Sounds promising." I winked at him and he shook his head.

At that moment we both turned to see a small blonde boy who Harry told me was Colin Creevey pounding down the slope towards us. "Lena Black?" I nodded my head and he passed me a letter before skipping happily back up the slope to where a smaller blonde boy stood waving. I tore the letter open and read it quietly, hiding its contents from Harry.

_Miss Black,_

_I thought I would check in with you and ensure everything was okay concerning Mr Ambrose._

_If there are further problems, please feel free to contact me, you know where I'll be._

_Yours faithfully, _

_Professor McGonagall. _

McGonagall had called me out of Defence against the Dark Arts on Monday and I'd left happily. On entering McGonagall's office I'd been greeted by the smell of strong tea and a plate full of shortbread biscuits. We'd discussed the events of Saturday night and she'd listened kindly as I described the other dealing I'd had with him. She flinched when I repeated the fact he'd called me a whore and promised that she would see to it that he was given the proper punishment and we had all been glad to see that on Thursday morning, Ambrose's smirk didn't quite reach his eyes, most especially when he had to get Sprout to fill out his behaviour slip. He'd tried to corner me all week but somehow it always occurred that I was surrounded by either the twins and Angelina or Harry and the younger Weasleys.

"….Snape? Hello Lena? You there? Did you hear a word I just said?" I blinked rapidly to see those shining green eyes looking back at me, I shook my head. "You were thinking about him weren't you?" I shook my head again and he laughed. "I asked whether you were meeting up with him today." I nodded, still not able to find words. Ambrose had one of the Creevey boys by the throat and had pinned him up against the large tree that sat beside the lake. A large group of Slytherins had begun to gather and I felt nothing as my legs lifted beneath me and ran carrying me straight for them, my hand throwing my wand up into the defensive position they'd taught us at Beauxbatons. Harry was screaming out behind me and I could hear his footsteps as he followed me.

"Drop him Ambrose!" My voice was much stronger than I had ever heard it and Ambrose sniggered over his shoulder. "Black, wondered if you'd show up. Must be my lucky day. Anyone would think you were stalking me!" His cronies laughed and I pulled my wand back more sharply. "Put the boy down Ambrose! Pick on someone your own size!" He dropped the boy heavily and Harry ran towards him pulling him into a hug, checking he was okay.

Ambrose walked towards me and I positioned my wand so that it pointed into the centre of his jugular. "God, how I'd love to fight you Black. The things I could do with that body. But I think a certain professor might kick my arse if I did, am I right Black?" I copied Angelina's action from the weekend earlier and spat at him. It landed right on his cheek but he made no nasty comment as he did before. Instead he wiped the spit from his skin and inserted the finger into his mouth, licking my spit from it. "Mm. Virgin glue, just what the doctor ordered." I forced my wand into his flesh now but he didn't squirm. He rose to his full height so that he stood almost a foot above me, but I straightened my own back rising to my own full height. "You know you want me Black, why deny it any further. You want this," he grabbed my free hand and pressed it against his crotch, I struggled helplessly to free my wrist and the Slytherins around us jeered and cackled. Harry now raised his own wand and faced Ambrose.

"Your masters lost twice now, fancy your chances!?" Harry thrust his wand forward and a curse hit Ambrose, causing large boils to squirt out across what some may describe as a handsome face. Harry pulled me away from the crowd and we ran full speed up into the castle, stopping only when we reached McGonagall's office. Harry knocked on the door sharply and McGonagall wiped the door open. "Potter? Black? What's the meaning of this?" I tried to catch my breath but struggled, McGonagall taking my arm. "Lena, what's happened? Is it him again?" I nodded my head and she took out her wand. "Potter take me to him quickly." Harry ran from the room and I sat down in McGonagall's vacant chair. My lungs finally began working again as Harry stormed into the room.

"Those bloody cronies! Malfoy's gone and told her that it was us who threatened Dennis! She doesn't believe him of course, she's taken him to Dumbledore, said she can't deal with the git anymore. She said he's been picking on the second years as-well. You alright?" "Yeah fine. He knows Harry! What the hell am I going to do?" Harry took my hand, "Everything will be okay Lena. I can't see Ambrose being far off suspension now; they'll never listen to him."


	18. Chapter 18

We walked quietly and dropped our bags in the common room before tailing down to the great hall with everyone else for dinner. Angelina and the boys had been told everything by a Ravenclaw but we refused to talk about it, shaking it off as another Ambrose incident. We got the normal greeting from the Slytherin table and took our usual bench, both Harry and I looking at one another as it dawned on us that Ambrose wasn't at the Slytherin table.

Severus flicked me the normal greeting on his goblet and he was the first teacher to leave the hall. I followed after everyone else and told Harry to tell the others I was popping into the library before bed, before flicking the hood on my hoodie up over my head and pushing open the great doors quietly. My sneakers were sliding as I trampled down the hill towards the forest. Severus had warned me not to walk in their alone so I skirted the edge of it quietly, aware of how dark it was. When I reached the lake I could see no one, so slipping my hands into the pockets of my hoodie I trailed the edge of the lake. Still, no one was around and my heart skipped a beat with the crack of a twig behind me, but the warmth of someone's arms around me made me jump and I nearly screamed before gentle hands pushed my hood back off my face, warm lips pressing tenderly against mine. "God I've missed you," His voice broke and we stood nose to nose. "I feel like a part of me's been missing. It's horrible." I stroked his cheek lovingly and he pressed a kiss against my palm. "Oh Severus." A breeze caught our hair and whipped it around our faces. Laughing we lay down on the bank, his arms wrapped tightly around me. "If I'd known those detentions were going to take you away from me I never would have agreed to them," my voice was hoarse with longing and I wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever, here in his arms. "I heard about Ambrose, you really messed his face up there." I felt his lips against my throat and I pushed my hair over my shoulder. "It wasn't me, Harry got him" "remind me I have to thank Potter then won't you." He laughed a little but my tone was serious, "Ambrose knows Sev. He said…he said there were things he wanted to do to me, but that…well that a certain professor wouldn't be too happy," I left out the bit about the crotch grab as his hands had already tightened around my forearms. "Severus?" I turned my head a little and he caught my mouth, "I'll never let him touch you Lena, I promise." "I think Harry might already have that covered." I shook my head, all the men in my life wanted to save me.

Noticing that I'd gone quiet, Severus changed the topic, "have you decided what you're doing on your birthday now?" I nodded and his mouth lay kisses down my throat, "Angelina, the twins and Lee are taking me into Hogsmeade, McGonagall's already given them permission. Then I thought I could come back and see you maybe. I don't know if I'll get a chance in the day." "That sounds like a good idea to me. Come straight to my rooms though, we'll have more privacy there." He kissed the skin just below my ear and I groaned.

"Severus?" "Mm?" his lips were hot against my skin and it felt as though he was kissing my skin raw. "I'm ready. I've thought about it a lot this week, and I can't think of anything that feels more right than lying in your arms, and lying here as yours wholly? I can't even imagine how good that will feel." His lips had pulled away from my skin, and although he held onto me, there was a space between us. "Are you sure Lena, this isn't something you can take back?" I turned to face him and kissed the side of his mouth, "I know, I'm ready, I'm yours when you want me." I felt myself blush deeply and he sighed, "Lena, I want you of course I do, but you have to be ready, it's going to hurt and it's something you'll remember for the rest of your life, you shouldn't rush into it." I took his hand and his fingers fell loosely in mine. "I'm ready Severus. But I won't hold back anymore, it's your choice." His fingers squeezed mine and there was a rustling in the trees.

We stopped and pulled away a little, but as the trees quivered, nothing came, "Thestrals." "Oh," We'd learnt about them at Beauxbatons in our fifth year but being so rare, Madame Maxim had been unable to acquire any. I looked at Severus and he held me tightly. "You can't see them?" I shook my head and he seemed relieved. "You can see them Severus?" He nodded and smiled grimly at me, "Yeah." He looked into the darkness and I knew he was watching it drink as the water at the edge of the lake moved a little on its own. "Who Severus?" He looked down into my eyes and I squeezed his hand tightly in my own. "My parent, a few muggles and some half-bloods." I relaxed back into his arms and he pressed his chin gently on the top of my head. "You're a half-blood Severus." He pulled me to him and I squeezed his hand gently. We'd discussed his parents and his blood status last week and fear had struck me a little, a half blood death eater was almost unheard of. "Was it you who…?" I hated to ask but a part of had to know. "Never Lena,' His voice shook a little and I held onto him a little more tightly, 'He did though, and he forced me to watch. They all did. It would take a lot to force me to do that, to kill, there are only a few things in this world I'd kill for and your one of them is that wrong?" I looked up at him and saw the tiniest bit of dread in his eyes, "No Sev, I'd kill for you. Sev…I…I…'and looking into those deep dark pools that saw every last inch of me, heart, head and soul, I found the words I'd wanted to say for a while now, 'I think I love you Severus." He exhaled loudly and I felt my heart shrink a little, He lifted my chin, "It's probably a good thing I'm in love with you too then isn't it." A smile broke out across my face and I kissed him deeply, our tongues entwining and my head spinning.

His hands fell securely around my back and the muscles in my legs felt tight as I turned around to straddle him. My hands flew through his hair stroking the soft strands away from his face and my fingers fell to the tiny buttons holding his robes together. I slid a few from the bottom open and wrapped my hands tightly underneath, around his waist. I flicked my hair back over my shoulder and his mouth connected with my jugular, his teeth grazing the skin there, sending shivers down my spine. I kissed his throat and feeling his teeth puncture the skin on my neck, I slid my tongue along his jawline. His hands were underneath my jumper and I felt my own hands unzipping the hoodie slowly before Sev's hands slid it over my arms. I only had a thin vest on underneath and his mouth lay gentle kisses along my collarbone as his hands trailed up my back, his fingers were only light and the shivers that had slid down my spine now shot straight back up it.

His fingers finally reached my underwear and his fingers played upon the lace, our lips now crushing against teach others hungrily. I felt a release and realising what Severus had done slid the bra's straps down and off my arms, my buds hardening in the cold air, under the cover of the thin vest. The pool in my stomach began to boil and as Sev slid his thumb beneath my left breast, I felt my muscles clench and a wetness pool between my legs. Disconnecting my mouth from his, I placed my hands on either side of his face, kissing his cheeks and his eyelashes, before looking down into those deep dark eyes and feeling the pool flow and ebb in my abdomen. I pulled my hands from his face and gripping the edge of my vest, whipped it over my head, my hair falling heavily down across my chest.

Severus stopped and watched as I pulled away from him and off his legs, lying down beside him on the bank. He glanced up towards the heavens as if they could help him before looking once more down to where I lay. I smiled wickedly up at him, looking up through my lashes as I placed my arms up above my head, holding them tight, displaying myself for him. He ran a finger from my left arm all the way down the side of my bare chest and abdomen and I smiled up at him, fluttering my lashes. He groaned and I pulled him down to me taking his mouth in mine and his hand in my own. I placed my finger through his own and taking his other hand, pressed it gently against my breast. My chest heaved with excitement and my heart felt as if it were skating out across the lake.

I lay beside the lake, that freezing September night, and all I could think about was how amazing life would be if every moment could be just like this, being able to look up into Severus's eyes and see nothing but love.

My head tipped back in ecstasy as he took my bud in his mouth and my nails clawed against his own bare chest. He bit down gently and I cried out, my legs wrapping around him and as his tongue licked and his teeth grazed every inch of my breasts, the pool in my stomach ebbed away and pooled again between my legs, causing my arms and legs to become weak as I shook and Severus lay me gently back down on the bank. I held on tightly to his neck and brushed my lips against his. He lay down beside me and traced a finger over my abdomen as I rolled on my side to face him.

"You didn't hurt me." "It was hardly the same Lena." "No, but you managed to hold on to me through it, you have no idea how good that just felt Sev." He smiled cheekily and I rolled back onto my back, "Your beyond beautiful Lena, every time you walk into my classroom I want to grab you and take you there and then. "Maybe if I accept the fact I won't hurt you, you could give in on this 'I'm not perfect, I'm not beautiful' thing you've got going on and just believe me when I say it." I smiled up at him, "I was starting to get used to it actually, I quite like being called beautiful, but saying it too much could give a girl a complex so watch it." I stroked a lock of hair out of his face. "I really do love you Severus Snape." I sighed and he kissed me gently, the smallest, sweetest kiss. "And I really love you Lena Black."

[A/N] okay, really big upload today!

I really hope you're enjoying it and would love to see some Fans, Favourites and reviews appearing on my manage screen

Thanks for reading!

Kat xxx


	19. Chapter 19

As I woke Wednesday morning I couldn't help but look over at the large glass bowl on my nightstand. Inside floated three large peony heads. At breakfast on Monday, one had appeared on the table in front of me, and yesterday, two had appeared as Angelina passed me toast. I stretched out my body and felt the slight bruise on my neck. It was still sore but it was worth it for the felling Severus's kisses ignited in me, the twins had noticed it and made a comment about Ambrose but id laughed it off. Ambrose hadn't been a problem this week; he was on an internal suspension and was spending his time locked up working in a room of Argus Filch's office. Harry's smile had been the biggest when I'd received the flowers each morning and I couldn't help but notice that he was much more willing to do his potions homework of recent.

Angelina knew the flowers were from the same person as the potions ones were and she couldn't help but ponder over who my admirer was. It was obviously someone in our potions class, which meant Slytherin or Gryffindor. I began to think if she knew who, she'd look at me completely differently, hearing the hatred in her voice when she spoke about the Slytherins. Dad had written me to say that Harry had my presents but that he was on strict orders not to give them to me till Friday and I feared that after Friday I'd run out of thank yous. Dad was being kept totally on lock down and Remus was his 'babysitter', as Dad had described him, so they had taken to cleaning the house again, and now that the Weasleys had left they were finding it a much more mundane task.

Angelina walked me down to breakfast that morning and when we sat, Angelina sat frozen waiting. I poured myself coffee and sat watching her, fascinated. "What's she doing?" Fred slung himself down beside me and began to pile his plate high with sausages and eggs. "Waiting for the flowers." He sighed and shook his head, "You girls!" I shrugged and smiled knowingly up to the staff table, catching Severus's eye, who returned my smile and completed the normal morning gesture, tapping his goblet. Still nothing came to the table, and getting bored, Angelina and I helped ourselves to toast and Marmalade. I looked back up at the staff table and Severus was watching us, a smile playing on his face, as if the joke was on us. I frowned and turned back to our table, but still nothing. Harry came to sit opposite us, and noticing nothing on the table frowned, "What's happened to your admirer Lena?" He smiled and I shook my head laughing, "Maybe Fred scared him off yesterday!" Fred looked at me pointedly and stuck out his tongue.

Yesterday morning when the flowers had appeared, Fred had stood up on his bench and addressing the entire hall, had demanded he know who was sending me them, describing it as "Menacing and slightly stalkerish behaviour" even the teachers had laughed and Fred, shouting "no takers?! Fine then, you've missed that opportunity!" had sat back down beside Harry and I who had been howling with laughter, even Severus was laughing up on the staff table and locking eyes, he'd winked down at me.

I helped myself to another piece of toast and watched as the owls began their morning delivery. And there, among the much bigger, older owls, was tiny Iris, a ribbon tying three large stemmed peonies together, hanging from her beak. She flew down in front of us and the twins hurriedly fed her bacon as she swayed precariously on the table, and holding her in my hands, I noticed that in between her feathers lay specks of gold and pink glitter and as she shook out her wings, I got a full face of glitter. Angelina and I laughed and taking the flowers from the table I noticed a card tied to the ribbon. I untied it and slid it out of the tiny envelope, a little card with a single silver heart on it, that read inside _Ti amo_ was written in tiny black ink. Even never learning a word of Italian I knew as soon as I saw it what it meant and my heart did that weird skipping thing it did whenever Severus touched me. We pulled all our things together to go down to potions, and Angelina took my arm and we skipped the length of the hall.

The boys were right, this week had turned us into screaming, giggly school girls, but we didn't even care and so when we fell into the crowd pushing to get out the hall, and ended up stood right next to the remaining teachers, we continued to laugh and giggle. "Miss Black, how are you this morning?" I stopped giggling and looked up into the kind eyes of our Headmaster, "I'm great thanks sir, how are you?" He nodded smiling, "I'm rather good, young love sets me all of a flutter you see. You certainly have a very dedicated admirer, three days of flowers now is it?" I smiled up at him but he was smiling at Severus who stood on the other side of him. In my childish glee I hadn't seen where my feet had taken me or who stood around us. "Um yes sir, I suppose he is rather dedicated." He smiled back down at me as everyone began to shove to get out the doors to their lessons.

"A shame really that we don't know who he is, he must have a very kind heart indeed, and I imagine you'd make quite the pair!" He smiled from Severus to me and I felt myself blushing deeply, "But maybe it would be safest if you kept your little rendezvouses to inside the castle walls, I had a message sent to me only yesterday, from one of the gargoyles on the gate, appears he had quite the show this weekend." He smiled and scurried off, disappearing into the crowd. Although the last part had been only a whisper that Severus and I could hear, we both blushed deeply and smiled guiltily at one another before turning our backs to talk to other people in the bustling crowd.

Angelina and I hurried off down into the dungeons and, still skipping, peonies in hand, we tumbled into Severus's room. He sat up at his desk and shook his head when we walked in to the room but I saw him smile as he looked down at his desk. Angelina and I couldn't stop laughing but when we reached the boys who sat at our usual desk, we both stopped and stared down at my desk.

Covering the surface of my desk were soft peony leaves and this had caused Fred and George to tumble around in fits of sneezing. There on the desk, sat the little silver box I'd looked at on the Saturday we'd spent working together. The little guilt flowers were shining in the light of the flames under the boys cauldron and Angelina cooed as I took the box from the desk. It really was very pretty and I let my fingers slide over the gilded design. Everyone else in the room had gone quiet and I felt myself tense uneasily.

"Miss Black, if possible I would like to start my lesson and for that to happen, I'm afraid you must clean away this catastrophe. Please hurry." Severus's voice was cold and everyone else flinched, but during the time we'd spent together I'd come to recognise the changes in his demeanour and this voice was only one of them, for everyone else, noticing the coldness in his tone, didn't register that there was an excited edge to it. I flipped the lid of the box and what seemed like a hundred tiny pink and blue butterflies flew out, leaving trails of fine gold glitter behind them. All the girls cooed and awwred but the boys shook their heads muttering, and the only mutter I could register was Fred's, "Cheesy bloody git, doesn't know how lucky he is." I blushed more now at that comment than I did at the stares and attention. And within moments of me pushing aside the peony petals, Severus started the lesson.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the day passed peacefully and before I knew it I was sitting down beside Harry at the dining table, helping ourselves to lashes of bangers and mash. I showed Harry the box and he rolled his eyes, "I have no idea what you've done to that man Lena," I smiled up at him and he laughed looking up at the staff table and I looked up almost simultaneously, watching as Severus and the headmaster entered through the door behind the staff table. I sighed, "Lena?" I nodded and Harry released a deep breath, "Shit. He's not stopping it though?" I shook my head, my hair falling down across my eyes and I felt that nervous tugging in my stomach, a feeling id only ever associated with the feelings that Severus left me with when his lips pressed hotly against mine, yet now this feeling felt much more sincere. Harry and I ate quietly, he told me about his encounter with Umbridge that day and I could feel nothing but sorry for him, she continued to give me a bad time, but it felt as if the moments I got to spend with Severus made up for it, and knowing that Harry didn't get such moments made me feel much worse for him.

This wasn't to say however, that Harry didn't have that person in his life that made him smile and giggle like a school girl. And man did he giggle like a schoolgirl. Every time I noticed Cho Chang walk into a room or passed us in a corridor, there would be a few brief moments where Harry would stand dumbstruck, his mouth wide open and his eyes staring after her. If it weren't for Hermione and I nudging him and breaking into conversation with Cho, Harry might have been arrested for peculiar behaviour. I watched now as she sat over at Ravenclaw table, her hair falling down her back, laughing with her friends, not noticing that sat over here at the Gryffindor table was a young man very much besotted. And it wasn't as if she didn't like him, that much was clear, but for some reason, we just couldn't get Harry to snap out of this nervous act he had going. "Why don't you talk to her Harry, you were doing really well yesterday Lunch, you even asked her how she was. Maybe this time you could get on to making an actual conversation." He shook his head, spooning another mouthful of mash into his mouth, "cant, my tongue feels like it goes numb around her, only letters come out." I spooned more potato to his plate where he was scratching the clean gold surface with his fork, putting an empty fork in to his mouth, his eyes watching as Cho threw her head over her shoulder and looked over in our direction, I waved, grabbing Harry's hand, waving it for him, "Smile Harry," I told him through gritted teeth, but when he opened his mouth to smile, a mound of potato fell ceremoniously from his mouth and everyone at the Ravenclaw table began to laugh, but Cho waved over embarrassed, a small smile on her face.

As people began to pack away stray bits of homework and the plates before us emptied, I grabbed my bag and ran quickly from the hall and checking no one was watching, tumbled down the stairs to the dungeons. I ran the corner and unlocking Severus's rooms with the charm he'd taught me, I threw open the door and hurried over to the mirror in the bathroom. I ran my fingers through my hair and smoothed it down over my shoulders. I pulled my jumper over my head and removed my tie, undoing the top few buttons of my shirt as I went. I bit my lip as I looked myself over in the mirror and grabbed the perfume from my bag. I sprayed it over my neck and into my hair before tucking it safely back away and climbing back through into the living room. I threw my bag down by the door and stood waiting for him.

The door unlocked moments later and he took me into his arms, throwing himself back against the door to close it. He turned me over so that my back was pressed up against the door hard and I felt myself lifted from the ground slightly as his mouth pulled hungrily at mine. I sighed into him and his hands were quickly caressing my stomach beneath my shirt. I pulled away breathlessly and pressed my mouth against his neck as his hands slid higher, releasing the few last standing buttons on my shirt. I threw my legs around his waist and he carried me from the door, not to sofa as he usually did, but taking me through the only door that had always remained shut when I was in here. His mouth was hot against mine and my tongue ran across his teeth, taking in every inch of him, his musky scent overpowering me, sending my head spinning.

Ever so gently he placed me down onto the bed, and unlocking my lips from his, I took in the room. It was dark, but candles flickered over the walls. I sat in the middle of a huge four poster bed, draped in heavy dark green curtains. I looked up at him through my lashes, and keeping my eyes locked with his, I slid myself a little further back on the bed, sliding my arms out of my shirt as I went.

The room was cold and I felt my nipples harden beneath the silk camisole I'd swapped for my underwear before dinner. I tipped my curls over my shoulder, and ever so carefully began to unlace the ribbon that held the silk slip together, my eyes never leaving his. As the ribbon pulled loose the fabric unfolded and fell to my sides, revealing my breasts. I closed my eyes and lay back on the bed, feeling Severus's mouth on my bud, his fingers clawing at my skirt angrily, the other hand caressing the bud on my other breast. I moaned as I felt the pool swell in my stomach and the release that came only seconds later fill my legs. I groaned at the warmth and Severus slipped the zip on my skirt down, sliding it from my legs. I pulled at the buttons on his robe and moments later he sat above me, for the first time, completely uncovered.

Seeing a man for the first time was like looking at yourself in the mirror when you realised it was time that you saw what no one else could, seeing your own curves and shape for the first time completely on display, but it was if seeing it through rose tinted glasses. Everything was perfect. I'd come to know the shape and lines of his chest but the other half had been a mystery until now, and looking down at the place where his hips sunk, revealing him, I felt the nerves pull restlessly at my stomach muscles. He was excited already and he stood several inches long, rigid and gleaming. My breathing had soared and I struggled to get a hold on my heartbeat which had found its way into a steady foxtrot

His mouth sought mine and as he came to hover above me, I pulled away. I ran a finger down his length and felt him respond, I wrapped my fingers around him, feeling the width of it, unable to imagine how it would feel to have him inside me. He groaned at my touch and I wrapped my free hand in his hair, holding his face steadily above mine as I stroked his member. His eyes stared down into mine and we looked at each other, unmoving. I watched as his muscles tightened and felt him quiver in my hand as he shook with release. He covered my hand and wrapping both my hands around his neck I pulled myself up into him, our chests touching, but our hips inches apart. His fingers slid down and plucked at the seam on my panties, causing them to fall asunder and his hand grabbed my arse tightly. I cried out but he silenced me with his mouth, as he lay me back down gently.

His mouth was against my breast again and feeling the nerves fade away I stared down into his dark eyes, watching as he took me in. The look in his eye changed and although his mouth stayed on my breast, his hand loosened its grip around my waist, his fingers sliding between my thighs as I groaned, his fingertips rough against the soft skin above my knees. I felt my muscles tighten, but as his teeth took my nipple and pulled, I felt my muscles relax, and Severus's hand traced the inside of my thigh. I shook as he found my softest spot and he took his mouth from me, rising to float a few inched over me. Seeing that I made no way to stop him, He placed one hand over my shoulder on the bed, the fingers on the other kneading the soft skin of my thigh. As he took my mouth in his, I felt his fingers plunge deeply within me and I cried out into his mouth. My hips bucked into his and his fingers wove inside of me pressing places I never imagined existed in my own body, and feeling him press down inside me, I groaned loudly. Instinctively, my own fingers reached down between our bodies and began to knead at the soft skin above his fingers as his tongue danced with mine. I soon found myself tightening around him and knowing the feeling of that pool in my stomach I held on for as long as possible, my own fingers moving quickly over my skin. The pool grew and my muscles tightened and as that pool overflowed, I felt my body shake and my fingers relax. Severus didn't pull from me, but instead covered my body with his own and lay his mouth down over mine.

In that moment, I knew I was ready for anything that would be thrown my way on Friday.

[A/N]

Hey everyone, thank you for continuing to read, I really do appreciate it, and a special thank you goes out to Melanie who was my first reviewer. Keep coming with the comments, I'd love to know what all of you think, and if you can, pass on word of the story to friends or other HP fans, the stories already done so much better than I could have ever imagined and I'd love it to really grow here.

I'm sorry for the long pause in uploading when I'm usually so consistent, I've just had my A level results and everything's been up in the air here, not to mention the fact that I experienced my own first kiss Thursday night, and have found myself very confused over it, and I seriously regret the fact now that I gave it up so easily. The whole things given me a temporary writers block and I've started to question whether anybody will ever stand up to the hero's and ideal's we create and read about.

Thank you for reading, please fan, favourite and review!

Kat xxxx


	21. Chapter 21

I lay beside Severus for a while, watching the gentle rise and fall of his chest beneath my palm. He'd begun to drift to sleep and I felt my own eyes grow heavier, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms and fall into a peaceful sleep that I remembered so well from the summer. The dreams I'd had more recently had been made up of images and scenes I hoped I'd never have to live; bodies surrounding the castle and Severus laying broken and bleeding at the bottom of the astronomy tower. Remus lay floating down in the lake and Dad's body hung limply from the big tree in the forbidden forest. I'd woken myself so many times the last few nights that I dreaded falling into my bed at night, and the temptation to stay here beside Severus was far too much.

Taking my hand from Severus chest, I ran my fingers over his cheek as I lay a gentle kiss on his lips. He took my wrist tightly and pulled me back down beside him, "Don't leave Lena, I want you." I sighed, when I needed him to have that stupid adult head on, I could find it nowhere, and when all I needed to hear was him telling me to leave, he lay there looking up at me so innocently and harmless, asking me to stay. "I shouldn't, if anyone notices if I've gone…" He reached up and laid a hungry kiss over my mouth, the need to stay here and feel his arms around me purring loudly in my stomach, much louder than the need to run up to my own bed that my brain kept throwing up with angry alarms. "I'll cover for you, say you had a nightmare and I caught you walking the castle. Just stay Lena," Any resonating stubbornness disappeared and I felt myself slid back down beneath the sheets, crawling in between his arms as he wrapped his legs around me. His chest was warm against my cheek and I nestled there quietly until sleep finally became me.

When I woke next I found myself lying in a tangle of sheets, Severus's breath playing gently across my cheek as he watched me sleep. I untangled myself from his legs and pulled myself up onto my elbows, looking down at the length of my body beneath his bed sheets. "I'm ready Lena, I need to feel you." My head snapped up, although his voice was nothing but a quiet whisper. "Really? We don't have to Severus." His fingers played gently across my back and a shiver trickled down my spine, "I was thinking we could try tomorrow; when you get back from Hogsmeade, just see how it goes." My chest felt tight and I reached up and kissed him gently, he tasted sweet against my tongue and I couldn't resist sliding my tongue between his lips, tasting every last inch of his mouth.

"Can I shower here? I won't make it upstairs in time." He nodded and I pulled myself up from the bed, wrapping the sheet around my naked body to shield myself from his eyes, but as I stood and walked to the bedroom door, I let the sheet slip, and sliding through the door Severus's groans filled my ears. I showered quickly and standing from the tub I noticed that the view outside the window had changed so that it was now sprinkled with September sunshine. I dried and dressed quickly, grabbing my bag from the floor by the door. "I'll see you later maybe?" I kissed him where he sat in the corner of the loveseat, drinking coffee and left quickly, hoping to make it upstairs without anyone seeing me. I walked up the stairs and ran the last few flights up to the tower. Tomorrow night, Severus and I would allow ourselves to be one completely, and nothing could stand in the way.

Yet little did I know that a little further down the corridor stood the only other person awake in the castle, and nothing could ever prepare me for what they planned to do.


	22. Chapter 22

Thursday passed quickly, four flowers appeared in Dumbledore's hand as he passed Angelina and I on the way to the staff table that morning and no one could suppress their surprise or smiles as he handed them down to me. "It would appear, Miss Black that these are for you." He winked and glided up to greet the other teachers. Umbridge snarled as she looked down at me and I waved happily up at her, but she turned from me and began to converse with Professor Sinastra. I didn't get a chance to talk to Severus and before I knew it Harry and I had finished our colossal mountain of homework, his hand was bleeding badly again and Hermione had used up all of her reserves of the healing sap we'd been using, so we had no way to treat it. She'd had him writing for hours tonight and with every letter he scrawled on the parchment, his face crumpled with pain. Eventually I sent him to bed and climbed into mine.

The house elves had been good to us tonight and had placed heat plates under the sheets and I snuggled down against mine peacefully, dreaming not tonight of dead bodies and blood, but instead of presents and smiley faces, I knew would be greeting me in the morning.

Shrieks and laughter woke me, my head shooting up to find hundreds of petals fly off my face, and looking up into the canopy of my bed I could see what the girls were laughing at. Hundreds of flower petals rained down from the canopy of my bed and lay over my sheets. It wasn't only peony petals today, however, and instead I was covered in soft rose petals and sweet bright tulip petals. I rubbed one between my fingers, enjoying the feel of its waxy surface between my fingertips. Looking up at Angelina and Charlotte, I felt a wide grin spread across my face and I sunk back down onto my pillows and the petals continued to rain down on me. I couldn't control my laughter and I spread my arms wide, enjoying the feel of the soft petals against my skin. Angelina jumped down on the bed beside me and suddenly my bed was a mass of giggling teenage girls, catching the flower petals between their fingers and throwing them at each other happily.

"Happy Birthday Lena!" I hugged Angelina tightly and she laughed, "How is anything we do today going to stand up to this?" She pulled a rose petal from her dark hair and threw it into my face, "I have no idea." I laughed and fell back down onto my pillows.

The boys were meeting us downstairs and as I opened the door to the common room I was welcomed by fireworks and glitter explosions, the boys cheering loudly and hugging me tightly before passing me a brightly wrapped present. I fell to the floor in-front of the fireplace and ripped the paper away to reveal a large bottle of Madame Rosmerta's best red wine and a large bag of chocolate and candy from Honeydukes. I hugged them again and took Angelina's present from her hands. I unwrapped the paisley wrapping paper carefully and a soft cotton scarf fell from the paper folds. It was covered in a dark green ivy pattern and I stroked it tenderly, "It's beautiful Angelina, thank you" She hugged me and sat down beside me as Harry and Ron tumbled down the stairs to the boys dormitory, their arms laden in presents of all sizes. They fell down to the floor before us and we all hugged as they wished me happy birthday, Ron thrust a small package in my direction and unwrapping it found a pair of large gold hoop earrings with soft emerald feathers falling from them, I thanked him and took the larger present from Harry. I felt it and it was hard against my fingertips. I pulled back the paper carefully and found myself looking into a beautifully carved, ornate gold mirror. "Harry," my breath caught in my throat and I grabbed him with the hand that didn't hold the mirror. It was one of the things we'd found in the attic this summer that we'd actually liked, but it hadn't looked like this a few weeks, back then it was brown and rusty, the mirror face scratched and dusty, but now it's frame glinted up at me brightly and the mirror itself looked new. "I had to get it cleaned up, sent it to some goblins Mundungus knows, didn't think I was getting it back at one point actually." I placed the mirror down gently and grabbed Harry, squeezing him tightly, "Thank you Harry, I love it." He pressed another present into my hands, muttering quietly into my ear, "From Remus, don't open it now." I nodded into his shoulder and I slipped it inside my robes as he passed me a softer, squidgy present. I saw Dads unruly scrawl on the card and pulled the present open quickly, a note falling down to the rug at my feet, "Molly said it would look good on you," I pulled out the dark parcel and it unravelled itself with a soft thud as it glided over the floor. A thin black lace dress hung in my hands, and although its neckline was rather low, it seemed quite long as I hugged it against me. There were a few more presents from Dad, a couple of muggle books and some muggle clothes I'd been begging for, a thick navy blue cardigan and some new leather boots, aswell as a miniature bottle of Firewhiskey, accompanied by a small note, "I noticed my bottle was nearly empty, though you might want your own supply now." I laughed and put all the presents into a pile, deciding it was time for breakfast.

As we all piled down into the great hall, Professor Dumbledore caught my eye and he and Professor McGonagall called down birthday greetings to me. We sat and ate large helpings of pancakes and bacon, washed down with litres of pumpkin juice. I looked up at the staff table and Severus sat watching me, his goblet already between his fingers. I smiled up at him and he smile down at me nervously. Angelina sat beside me, fidgeting as she waited for my admirer's next surprise and was not to be let down, when moments later Iris flew in through the windows above. She was being supported by several other of the larger school owls and Pig flew happily below her, whistling up, trying to catch her attention by diving down to the Slytherin table and gliding back up, but my snooty little owl flew straight for me, a large bouquet of peonies hanging from her talons. She dropped them into my lap and flew up to my shoulder, hooting happily as I fed her some pancake which I smothered thickly in maple syrup. Pressing my face into the peonies, they heavy scent filled my nostrils and my head seemed to fill with thick smoke. As I lifted my head, the flowers shook, and tiny little golden winged butterflies and dragonflies swarmed up and glided above my head. I laughed, pulling the tiny card from the ribbon where it was tied tightly.

_Happy birthday my love._

_Tonight couldn't come sooner,_

_I love you more than you'll ever know._

My chest became tight and tears swelled in my eyes, the whole day starting to set in. I was eighteen, finally an adult. And tonight, I would lose all that tied me to my childhood, and become a woman. I held the card tightly to my chest and slipped it down into my robes with the present from Remus. Knowing I had a study period this morning meant I could open it then and as I watched Angelina trod down to the quidditch pitch with Fred and George for a little practise, I felt for the present in my robes. I walked down the slope and edged around the forest before collapsing in my favourite spot beside the lake.


	23. Chapter 23

Taking the small dark blue packet from my robes, I ran it over my palms. It was quite small, but rather heavy and as I pulled at the packet, a small silver box fell into my lap. It was circular and my fingers danced across its shiny surface. Wrapped around the box was a small envelope and opening it, I took a small piece of parchment from inside.

_Lena, _

_Happy Birthday! You're a woman now and I'm wondering if you're worried at all, or have even contemplated that today signifies the beginning of everything. If Sirius has is his way you'll be with the Order by tonight, yet I highly doubt Molly would agree. _

_I find myself wondering about you often, hoping you're okay, that you're happy. God Lena, please tell me you're happy. I still wish things were different; that you were a few years older, and I a few years younger. I know it may be strange hearing a grown man talk to you this way, and I hope it won't change our relationship, but for some reason I can't stop thinking of you; night and day._

_I hope you like the gift, it's nothing much but I wanted you to have it,_

_Stay safe_

_Remus. _

My eyes read over his words several more times as the wind whipped my curls up around my face. Sometimes, when I was led upstairs in my dorm, dreading the day ahead and the fact that id barely see Severus, hoping above all else that no one would notice the little looks, the little smiles, I wondered what it would be like if Severus had never shown up that day at Grimmauld place. Would I have ever found him as I had now? Would Remus have caught me first and would I be hiding my relationship from my father still? Would it have been any easier if it had been Remus?

He was the same age as Severus, yes, but he wasn't my professor and unlike Severus, everyone loved Remus and respected him. Would it be easier for Dad to accept my relationship with his best friend, the man he trusted above all else, or the man he loathed the most?

And then when I'm with Severus, it's as if Remus didn't even exist. Like I'd never looked into those pale eyes and felt the warmth of his lips against mine, enjoying it even. Severus was my here and now, it was much easier to have a relationship with him here in the castle than it was with Remus down in London, it was hard enough sending letters now, what if we were together and there was no Severus? Would I be happily awaiting tonight for Remus?

I sighed and taking the small silver trinket in my palms I slid my fingers around the lid, pushing it up slowly. As the lid lifted a little shelf floated upwards, a tiny miniature brown wolf howled up at the large moon shaped mirror on the inside of the lid. I ran my forefinger over the wolves back and it moved, pushing its head against my touch. I laughed softly and chased the wolf around the inside of the box with my finger, watching briefly as the giant squid propelled itself the length of the lake with one huge ink splash. Oh Remus.

A stick crunched behind me and I quickly moved the trinket inside my cloak, watching as a tall figure stood out from the darkness. "Happy Birthday." Severus took me in his arms and I reached up to kiss him softly, "Thank you for everything, it's been perfect." My hands cupped his face and I lay gentle little butterfly kisses over his cheeks. "I take it you've had a good day so far." I nodded up at him and he squeezed me tightly. "Tonight?" I looked up into his eyes and seeing something different there I nodded slowly. "Severus, are you okay?" He took my hand and led me down to the water's edge, "I thought I'd be nervous by now but I think I'm happy, I want you to be happy, I think I might actually be excited." I squeezed his hand tightly and felt his fingers twisting around my wrist, he pulled me into him and pulled my wrist up between us, his palm lifting mine until my arm was at eye level. Hanging loosely around my wrist was a silver bracelet. It shone brightly in the light and catching it between my fingers I looked up at Sev, "It's beautiful, thank you," I pressed a kiss to his lips happily, a smile on my mouth, and looked down at my wrist. A silver chain was wrapped around my skinny wrist, hanging from it as if it were a stem were tiny little peony heads, each one a different shape, some were only buds but others had bloomed to their full beauty, the soft silver petals brushing my skin as it slid around my arm. "And you said you didn't want presents." He laughed down at me and I smirked up at him, "I really can't turn down jewellery can I, everyone knows that." "My little Magpie," his tone was soft and I took his mouth in mine.

"I don't know when I'll be back tonight; do you still want me to come straight downstairs?" I looked up into his eyes nervously and he smiled down at me, nodding his head. I smiled up at him, "I really should go, I have Transfiguration homework to do." "You could come downstairs, no one's around. Maybe I could help you." I took his hand and squeezed, no better way to spend my birthday morning that doing homework with Severus by my side, and seeming as it was his fault I hadn't done it before as he kept dragging me down to those dungeons of his, it seemed only fair he sit and wait while I finished it.

We walked up to the castle quietly, talking about the potions essay he'd set, which both the twins were worrying themselves over. Umbridge continued to threaten them with detention and they couldn't bare the idea of detention with Sev as-well, and to be completely honest, time he spent with the twins in detention was time I'd be forced to spend without him.


	24. Chapter 24

I spent the morning finishing the essay, Severus watching me quietly and stealing kisses when I wasn't concentrating. The rest of the day passed so quickly in comparison and soon, Angelina and I were stood in the girls shower rooms, getting ready to go out. We'd skipped dinner and the boys had brought us up large slabs of birthday cake from the house elves downstairs before we'd showered, and we'd ate them hungrily. Although I was the only one who was actually 18 and so could drink legally, the others had decided the freedom of being out of the castle might do us some good, and I was looking forward to seeing Hogsmeade, knowing Dad had spent so much time there.

I ran my wand through my hair, using a drying spell to send my wet ringlets tumbling down my back in loose curls, and ran Mrs Witherby's rich moisturiser over my cheeks and face before applying a generous amount of eye make-up so that my eyes were rimmed with a smoky edge, causing them to shine and glow. Angelina looked over at me as she tumbled out the shower and sighed, "You look gorgeous Lena," I smiled at her and took to the task of drying Angelina's curls, smoothing them out so they fell down her back prettily. "Fred's going to take one look at you and burst into a big pool of drool," she snorted, "not with you looking like that Lena, I have no chance." Her face looked back at me in the mirror and I smiled, kissing her forehead, "It's a shame he's got no chance then isn't it, I have bigger fish to fry." I winked over at her and she laughed, crushing dazzle powder over her cheeks. She was incredibly beautiful when she wasn't caked in mud from the quidditch pitch, and even then she was beyond any average girl. I just wished Fred could see what he was missing, but I couldn't help but notice that recently, George had started to look at Angelina a little differently, and sometimes I even caught him looking at her in ways I knew Severus looked at me. Maybe it wasn't Fred that needed the wakeup call; maybe Angelina was just as guilty of being ignorant.

I slipped the dress Dad had given me on and it hugged my curves tightly, its neck cutting deeply. It really was tight and I was glad that I'd chosen to wear my black underwear for later, or I feared that I would no longer look pretty and instead would have looked rather overdone. Angelina was wearing a tight red dress that clung to her own curves and looking in the mirror over the sinks, I no longer saw two Hogwarts students looking back, instead watching as two young women clambered into heels that were much too high to be safe and applying the last layer of lipstick.

Deciding my wand would not be necessary as Severus would be unlocking the room when I got there, I placed it safely in my bedside cupboard and slid my purse over my arm. As Angelina made our way into the common room, we were greeted my wolf whistles and jeers from the younger years, while many of our older peers stood around, looking rather gormless. Angelina and I shared a look that knowing we'd done it and as we walked over towards where the Weasleys and Harry sat, many of the girls around us turned as whispered to one another. Standing over Fred and George, Harry and Ron laughed, watching as the twins had to pick their jaws up off the floor. "Will we do?" I giggled and both Angelina and I turned, the boys emitting a low whistle as we did so.

"George, mate, we are so bloody lucky." Fred turned to his brother, and both looked pretty damn good stood there in dark shirts, George's a dark emerald colour and Fred's a black paisley print, and tight skinny jeans. I pulled Harry into a hug and hearing shouts of 'behave' and 'watch yourself' I took George's arm, leading him out the portrait hole, staring pointedly at Angelina who looked rather relieved as Fred took her arm. We laughed and joked as we climbed down the stairs into the entrance hall, and as we entered the lower corridor, we slowed as we met up with a small group of the teachers. McGonagall looked up at me and Angelina who had severely dwarfed, the usually tall, witch and told us to be back my midnight or she'd come looking for us herself. She then took us aside and warned us quietly, a laugh playing on her lips, "keep your eyes on the boys girls, it's not you I'm worried about straying." And looking over to where the boys were pulling feathers from the back of Flitwicks cloak, I couldn't help but feel Angelina and I had rather unprepared ourselves the trouble the boys could get themselves into it. Walking back over to the boys, I caught my breath as Severus ascended the staircase from the dungeons and catching sight of me, he stopped, staring over at me. Everyone noticed and looked between us, wonder on their faces. He caught himself however and came to stand beside McGonagall. "Severus, we we're just wishing the students all the best on their night out, off into Hogsmeade for Miss Blacks birthday." He nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off me and I looked away from him, attempting to get him to realise he was staring a bit too hard. He coughed heavily, "Yes, Happy Birthday Miss Black." I nodded, "Thank you sir." And McGonagall, looking between us, nodded quietly to herself, realisation sinking in and my stomach clenched tightly. Cripes. "Well, you had better get going had you not, remember midnight." And as we turned from McGonagall, my arm safely wrapped through Georges, I watched as McGonagall took Severus's arms and smiled up at him gently, leading him off down into the dungeons.


	25. Chapter 25

The walk down to Hogsmeade seemed to take forever and although we walked at quite a pace, Angelina and I slowed the boys down considerably as we meandered the winding path to the village. The walk was pretty and tiny little iron lampposts lit our way as we passed underneath the boughs of large trees and dark moors. As we'd walked down through the school gates, I'd found myself blushing deeply as the boys called up to the gargoyles standing on their plinths, I just couldn't forget my conversation with the headmaster but a few days earlier.

When we reached the small hamlet, Angelina took my left arm so that the four of us stood in a little sandwich line and we skipped precariously around the small streets, laughing and joking as the boys gave me a quick tour. Although it was very pretty, I couldn't help but allow chills to run down my spine and I only hoped it would not appear so sinister in the daylight. When the boys had eventually gotten bored from showing me the nooks and crannies of the village, they led me down into a rather large, Tudor building, an old, worn sign depicting three large knotted broomsticks creaking in the breeze. The pub was warm and smelt strongly of stale ale, but the warmth from the fire and the large smile strewn across the pretty middle aged barmaid made me feel instantly at ease. The boys led us to the bar and the bar maid trotted up to us, her chest heaving from a tight busted maroon dress.

"Boys! Finally! What's taken you so long?" Fred took the woman's hand and kissed it tentatively, "Madame Rosmerta, Oh how we've missed you!" She blushed and tapped Fred lightly on the head, embracing George over the bar before standing back to take Angelina and I in. "Well, Well, Miss Johnson! What have we here? You look incredible my love!" She grasped Angelina over the bar and squeezed her tightly before look rather confusedly down at me. She murmured to herself and drew a sharp finger over her lip line. "When McGonagall said I should be careful of students tonight, I think she may have left out one small detail."

I felt my cheeks warm and lowered my gaze from her kind one. "You have your father's beauty my dear. That boy always was too pretty for a man." My eyes snapped to hers and she smiled kindly, "Rosmerta, our very good friend and the birthday girl, Lena Black." George's voice had a sly edge and I watched her cautiously. "Well Lena, what can I get you all, Minerva's sent me a request that the first round be billed her." She winked at the boys and they started rising on their feet, surveying the many bottles behind the bar, "Butterbeer for you boys and you to Angelina I think, but only a few more weeks for you my dear,' she winked at Angelina who smiled and tottered on her heels, "Firewhisky for me please," she glanced down at me and smiled, laughing, "Much too much like your father I see," She passed us a tray of drinks and George, passing an arm through mine, led me to a table in the corner.

We sat and drank for what seemed like hours, eventually Rosmerta gave in and allowed the boys to order alcohol a few times, and by eleven George and I sat nursing our drinks as we watched Fred and Angelina dancing with a goblin band that were playing fast folk music in the corner. Angelina had kicked off her heels, and elf wine in hand, she snaked her hands up Fred chest and stole a kiss from his eager mouth. I watched as George's face changed a little and I took his hand protectively. "You want her so much." He sighed and I squeezed his hand tightly, "He's the one Lena, the loud one, the one who gets what he wants first, the one who gets the girl," He shook his head and continued to watch as Angelina slid her legs between Fred's as they danced, their mouths locked. "Oh George, Angelina doesn't know what she's missing. You never know, one day." He smiled weakly at me and took another large gulp of ale. "Who is he Lena? This cheeky git who's got you all wrapped up?" I smiled knowingly and my fingers played with the peonies hanging from the chain around my wrist. "See that's how I want Angelina to look when she thinks about me." I placed a kiss on his cheek tenderly and squeezed his hands, "One day George Weasley, you will make a girl very happy." I took another sip of my drink and watched as Angelina tripped a little as she and Fred made their way to the bar yet again before bringing several large glasses of elf wine back for Angelina and I and a large firewhisky for George.

Half an hour later, Rosmerta aided us as we left the pub, waving us away and wishing me a happy birthday. George swung me up on his back and I locked my legs around his waist, carrying my heels in hand. Angelina had also removed her shoes and she and Fred walked a little way behind us, their arms, and mouths, wrapped around each other. We were all a bit giddy, not just from the drink, but from leaving the sickly warmth of the pub to the biter coldness of the September night. George and I began to sing an old muggle song at the top of our lungs and as we neared the gates, Angelina and Fred joined us, she was also on Fred's back now and as we reached the gates, George and I declared war, breaking into a run up the long winding slope, I held on tightly to George's neck as we pelted up the gravel bank and as we reached the castle I spun my head to look where the others were, they weren't far behind.

As we reached the entrance hall I slid from Georges back rather unsteadily and he caught me gracefully, even in the dreamy state he was in and we broke in to a victory dance, swinging each other around and hip bumping one another as we watched Fred amble up the last of the incline. "Bloody Hell Ange," She slid down and as we stood there, we began to giggle, not because of the drink but due to the fact that it took Fred so long to recover while his twin had carried me with ease. Fred wasn't any better than George.

I kissed George on the cheek and hugging them all, told them that they really had to be quiet, but I had to go to the owlery to send Dad a letter, and although they pleaded to come with me I set them straight and left them on the third floor as they trailed their way up towards Gryffindor tower. Although I'd had one of the best birthdays ever I was thankful that I was finally alone, and I began my descent down to the dungeons, being careful to wait and listen for any sign of Filch or Mrs Norris before climbing around any corners. As I reached the lower corridor in the dungeon I took some time to steady myself. I smoothed out my hair, pulling the curls down a bit so they bounced heavily on my chest and I pulled the seam a little lower on my dress realising it must have hitched up a little when George had carried me. I could do this. I needed this, I needed Severus.

I reached the door to his chamber and knocked softly as we agreed. I stood and played with the hem on my dress for a while longer as I waited and knocked again. Still nothing. I sighed, great; he'd gone to bed already and I'd left my wand upstairs so I couldn't let myself in. But maybe he'd stayed up later working while he waited. After waiting for a while after I knocked again, I began to trail my way along to his office, and finding no answer there tried his classroom. Still nothing. Maybe Mcgonagall had kept him longer than I'd thought. Deciding I'd wait a while and try again, I made my way to the girl's bathroom, it was the only one down her in the dungeons and it was always rather dark, so most people avoided it. I found a cubicle, and sat there waiting, I couldn't help the tears that streamed down my face, maybe this was it, his way of telling me we were off, now that McGonagall knew. I wiped away the tears angrily, no. Severus wouldn't do that to me.

I unlocked the door, filling a sink with water and letting my fingers rest in the cold water. I looked into the mirror above the sink to check my make-up and noticing the dark shadow behind me, I took my fingers from the water quietly, making a reach for my wand and regretting not bringing it with me. My heart seemed to beating a rapid marathon against my ribs and the thought popped into my head that maybe he could hear it, hear the fear he induced in me. I watched as he walked slowly from the shadows and my grip tightened on the edge of the sink. Seeing the look in his eyes, I felt my heart skip and as he neared me it felt as if all oxygen had left my lungs. He grabbed my wrist turning me in his arms harshly. I looked up into his eyes reproachfully, unable to make a sound as fear gripped my body and knew that Severus wouldn't save me this time.


	26. Chapter 26

His mouth mashed against mine angrily and I held my mouth shut firmly, his teeth grazing my lips and tasting bitter metal I knew he'd drawn blood. He pulled himself away from me and held me tightly, his nails biting into my wrists. "Thought Sevvy would be here waiting did you? That dirty old bastard! Thinking he can take you Lena, he was so wrong. You were never his to take, I want you and god knows I'm going to have you. Just think what I can do with that little body." I swallowed heavily and feeling his weight pressed against me I had no doubt he'd keep his promise.

Looking up into Ambrose's eyes I saw no fear or shame for what he was doing, only excitement and zeal. As he pushed me down against the hard stone floor and pressed his lips hungrily to mine, I hoped to see maybe the slightest bit of fear, but all I saw was a passion and hate. As his lips jarred with mine, I felt him raise his wand, stone restraints rising from the stone floor and wrapping themselves firmly over my arms and legs, holding me down. As his lips fell against mine I tried biting, and then as his cheek pressed mine, I opened my mouth, my teeth grazing his cheek, drawing blood, resulting in his hand slicing against my cheek bitterly "You Dirty little Hoar! Is that what you like Lena, do you want me to be rough," he sneered and I threw back my head, trying to cry out, but all that escaped my lips was a pitiful whimper. His nails ripped at the skin over my legs and arms, his hands slapping against my bare thighs, and although I was still fully clothed, I'd never felt more naked. Tears ran down my cheeks and I tried to claw at him, pleading, his hands pressing firmly in places only Severus had touched me, and laying there, feeling Ambrose's hot mouth against my neck and lips, I knew it wouldn't be Severus who took me.


	27. Chapter 27

Harry's P.O.V

After filling out sheet after sheet of me and Ron's dream charts we climbed into bed tiredly. Ron couldn't stop talking about how badly he wished he was older, after seeing Angelina and Lena, it seemed Ron had realised how young he was, and how out of his league they were. Thinking of Lena, I reached into my trunk, my fingers folding upon a piece of parchment. I checked my watch again and lay the parchment across my lap.

"You checking on her?" Ron had finally broken out of his stupor, I nodded and checking the watch yet again realised it was nearing one in the morning, thank god it was Friday. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." My voice was only whisper but still Dean and Seamus moved and grunted in their sleep. I scanned the parchment, seeing Fred and George's forms tucked up neatly in their beds, along with Angelina's in the girls dormitories. But next to Angelina's bed, Lena's lay empty and I checked over the common room and bathroom. Still nothing. I looked over our corridor and saw that McGonagall and a tiny Severus Snape shaped form sat in her office below us.

Lena had said something about meeting Snape later and so I automatically looked over Snape's office and classroom. They were both empty and my eyes travelled along the lower dungeons corridor, stopping as I noticed a tiny marker that read Lena's name in the girl's bathroom. It wasn't alone and seeing Ambrose's name on the flag there my heart skipped a beat. "Ron we need to go." I scrambled out of bed reaching for my trainers, Ron moaning from where he lay, "Harry, I'm really tired mate, surely you're old enough to be going to the bathroom on your own now," I threw the map at him and his eyes scanned it, widening as his eyes fell to the dungeons. Ron was quickly beside me grabbing his own trainers and struggling to get his arms through the sleeves of his jumper as we descended the stairs from the boy's dormitory, the map gripped tightly in my left hand, my wand in my right.

We almost flew down to the dungeons, jumping down many of the stairs and running full speed down the corridors. I kept a wary eye on the bathroom as much as I could but as we reached the entrance hall I realised that Lena's form was now alone in the bathroom, "RUN RON! COME ON!" Suddenly Ron was in-front of me, running twice the speed of I and I realised how jealous I was of those long dangly bloody legs of his.

As we reached the bathroom, Ron swung his way through the door, collapsing in a heap beside Lena who lay on the floor in a silent, weeping bloody huddle.


	28. Chapter 28

Severus's P.O.V

It was almost one when I left Minerva's office. She knew. She'd seen it. That little bit of need and lust when I'd seen Lena. She'd suspected before now but tonight had proved her worst fears. She knew there was nothing she could do to stop us, and how she'd cried when I told her I loved Lena.

It didn't appear to anyone else but Minerva was my closest friend and although we rarely showed it, we cared deeply for one another. She'd never judged me, and for that I was thankful. She wouldn't tell, she swore she'd never utter a word, but I was to be careful. Sat the talking everything through I hadn't thought of the time and realising how late it was I'd flown out of Minerva's office. Lena would be back now and I was so late. She would have left, and when I reached the dungeons, I wasn't wrong. No one was around and after checking my office and classroom I opened the door to my rooms, collapsing down onto the sofa. She'd hate me for missing this. Everything was going to be perfect. I couldn't really blame Lena for leaving and going back upstairs and I hated myself for being so foolish.

There was a knock at the door and my heart skipped a beat, she was back. I ran to the door, Filch stood there panting. "What is it Argus? Its late." Disappointment washed my veins as I watched the squib try to catch his breath. "The headmaster Sir, he needs you in the hospital wing." I shook my head and locked the door behind me, wishing Filch goodnight as I flew up the staircase taking the steps three at a time. The Hospital wing at this time of night was generally a pretty bad call and as I entered the ward I was shocked to see Potter and Weasley stood in the pyjamas, shaking. One of the beds had been closed off with screens and I could see Albus's head hovering above it. I didn't acknowledge Potter or Weasley but as I swopped past them, I saw regret and sadness in Potters eyes.

"Albus?" He turned to me and pushed the screen aside, before pushing it closed behind him quickly. "A student has been attacked Severus, I believe one of your own students is to blame." Dumbledore's eyes were full of sadness and I looked between him and Potter. Neither could quite look me in the eye and fear flooded my veins. "Albus, who is it?" I stared him down and looking into my eyes, I saw how blue his eyes really were, but gone was their usual youth and excitement, replaced with sadness and anger. The pause in his answer had me begging it not to be but as I heard Minerva's gentle tone behind the curtain it felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room.

"Tell me Albus." I looked away from him and turned my back on Potter and Weasley, not wanting them to see my expression. "Miss Black has been attacked Severus, Harry believes it was Mr Ambrose." My heart did that giddy stop thing it did whenever I felt Lena close to me and I steadied myself against the nearest bed's headboard. "How bad…?" Albus shook his head and my heart sank, fear pulsing through my veins.

Poppy pushed aside the curtains and came to stand beside Albus and I, Albus's hand resting protectively on my arm. "I'm going to give the boys some calming potion, they're all of a flutter still. We're going to need that potion Albus, I've stopped the bleeding and patched her up but…" Poppy looked exhausted and Albus took her to her office bringing out a large bottle labelled calming concoction, passing the boys two large glasses, but they looked into it, not drinking. She was bleeding, and heavily. God damn it. I walked towards the curtain and Albus came to stand at my shoulder. "Be calm Severus, she needs you." I nodded slightly and pushed the curtain back quietly.

Minerva was sat on the bed, her hands clasped tightly around two smaller ones, tears were falling silently down her cheeks as she stroked hair from Lena's face, where tears ran freely but silently, marking that beautiful face. "Minerva." She looked up at me, as did Lena and the pain I saw there bit at my skin angrily. Minerva came to stand in-front of me taking my hand and kissing me gently on the forehead, "Never, Severus, did I think here at Hogwarts…" I shook my head and my eyes strayed to Lena. She sat with a blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders and she looked smaller than I'd ever seen, her hair hanging loosely around her face. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her knees and her chin rested upon it as tears slid silently down her cheeks. Minerva crept back over to the bed, taking Lena's hand tightly and wiping a few more tears from her face.

"Do you want anything Lena? Are you in pain?" She nodded quietly and looked from me to Minerva "Anything?" Lena snapped her eyes to the older witch who sat crying as if she had been the one attacked, her mouth clamped tightly shut. Tears fell harder and Lena's breaths became heavy sobs that raked her weak body, my arms wanting, needing, to be wrapped around her, "I just want Dad." Minerva nodded and passed by me quietly, squeezing my fingers as she brushed against me. I stood watching Lena. She didn't look at me and instead sat crying, her eyes turned down.

I wanted to hold her but it was if all time had stopped. "Lena?" She didn't look at me but the tears began to fall harder again, and I quickly sat beside her on the bed, taking her hands in mine. "I'm so sorry Lena." I brushed a curl from her wet cheek and she pressed into my touch. "Severus? I need a word." Albus had popped his head around the curtain and as I leant in to kiss Lena's forehead, she turned her head, my lips brushing her curls instead. Rejection searing my vein, I left the bed to talk to Albus.

Potter and Weasley were sat on one of the vacant beds further up the ward and were talking quietly to Minerva. "I've sent for Sirius Severus, she needs him. I'll need to talk to him. I believe that Flitwick has found Mr Ambrose in his classroom so I've sent for Ministry officials. I'm afraid I require you to collect me some Veritaserum and a virtue tonic, the ministry will require it as evidence,' the old man took my hands and I looked down at him, 'I am truly sorry Severus." I shook my head and taking one last look back at the bed where Lena lay, I swept out of the hospital wing, down towards my dungeons.

Lena's P.O.V

Everything was sore. My muscles ached and every part of me shook as I watched Severus leave. I couldn't do this, look at him like everything was okay. Everything was different. I couldn't stop the tears, they continued to run down my face and soon my cheeks felt sore from having everyone wipe them away. I don't know if I could actually feel anything. All I felt was pain and all I wanted was to run away and lie in the shower, washing off this dirt. The dress had been beyond saving and Madame Pomfrey had be change into a nightdress and dressing gown as everything quietened down. Severus was long gone and he was soon followed by Dumbledore. McGonagall was sat with Poppy in her office drinking tea, both women rather shaken up themselves and so I lay, hugging myself as small as possible on the bed.

Harry pushed aside the curtain, coming to sit beside me on the sheets. Ron sat down on the chair to the side of the bed and I reached out a hand to him, he took it gently as Harry stoked my arm quietly. Neither boy said anything, but as the tears continued to fall down my face, I watched Harry rub at his own cheeks, Ron's eyes glowing with tears, none ever falling, his fingers wrapped tightly around mine. Harry's fingers were gentle on my arm and I soon found myself drifting away.

When I awoke, Severus sat beside me, his hand replaced Ron's and as I awoke, I felt my hand pull itself from his, allowing me to hug myself again as I looked up into the dark pools of Severus's eyes. Poppy pushed aside the curtain and came to stand beside Severus and McGonagall, who sat beside me on the bed. "Lena, I'm afraid we need to take a little of your blood, it won't hurt for long." McGonagall rested a hand over mine and I nodded gently, what was a small scratch to what I'd been put through tonight. Severus took my hand tenderly in his and inside I felt myself recoil from the oh too familiar touch, I only saw it in his eyes but it was there all the same, a glimpse of hurt.

He pricked my finger and I watched as a drop of my blood fell into a tiny vial of pale pink opaque liquid. Smoke swirled from the vial and through the smoky wisps I could see a faint image of Ambrose. I turned my head and rested my cheek against the pillow as more tears ran down my face. A chair scraped against the cold stone of the hospital wing floor and a cloak billowed behind the screen. I curled myself up and gasped in pain, my stomach clenching. I lay and cried for a short while, eventually giving in to sleep and when I awoke next it was to find a great black shaggy head led on the pillow beside me. Four warm paws were wrapped around me and reaching my arms around Dad, I let the tears fall again, my body screaming in pain as it relived every bruise, every scratch and bite that tore through my skin. I felt a heavy weight against my head and knew Dad had rested his upon it. I stroked Dad's fur and he nudged my head with his paw, making me look up into his eyes. I sighed and smiled weakly, glad that he was here, the worry and threat of discovery playing very little on my mind.

I tried to pull myself up and as I did so Dad curled up around me so that his head lay over my knees. The blinds were open now and I could see McGonagall stood talking to Remus, he looked as tired and haggard as ever and I turned away from him ashamed, my eyes falling on Severus who sat on a bed close to the pair, his head in his hands as his hair shielded his face from me. His body shook and I rested my head back against the pillows, stroking Dad's fur unconsciously.

A pale light was filtering in through the curtains and I realised it must be early morning, although none of the adults appeared to realise I'd woken. Dad sighed and barked over at Remus who turned towards us, his hand stroking his cheek in thought. Catching my eye his face dropped even further and he stroked Dad who bounded from my legs and wrapped himself through Remus's. McGonagall had walked over to Severus and her hand lay gently across his shoulders as she spoke to him softly. "I shouldn't even be here Minerva. I should go," his voice was almost a whisper and he made to move but the small witch took his hand, "You will not run Severus, she needs you, don't worry about Sirius, all he's worried about is Lena." He looked over his shoulder at me and as his eyes fell upon mine, my heart did a steady skip, but it was very unlike anything it had ever done before. He seemed to pull himself together and stood as Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey came to stand beside them. They called both Remus and Sirius towards them and checking there was no one around, Dad transformed, standing tall beside Remus. Albus took him aside and I watched as Dad's face, which had been set in stone as he watched me across the room, fell, his hand brushing across his face.

"Albus no, please, she can't be.' His voice broke as he begged, 'I'll kill him. That's it." Remus came to stand beside him and I watched as Dumbledore spoke quietly to him, Dad was obviously rather angry and I couldn't help but notice that Remus's grip on Dad seemed to grow tighter. As the headmaster finished, Remus's head fell and his body shook as he turned to Dad, taking him in his arms. My heart was racing with worry and I could no longer stand the sympathy and remorse in the adult's eyes. Madame Pomfrey appeared to have also relayed whatever the information was to Professor McGonagall, who's face turned to a stony white and I watched as she reached out for Severus who held out his arm in support of her, but his eyes were staring straight into mine, unblinking and with no emotion, his face showed the only sign of shock. His bottom lip shook and a single tear danced in the sunlight as it slid down his cheek.

Professor McGonagall seemed to get a grasp of herself and I could feel the nerves gripping my body as she and the matron came to sit on my bed, either side of me. McGonagall took my hand and I glanced nervously to Dad who stood, Remus's arms holding him up. I glanced between the two witches, up to Severus and then to Dad again, shaking my head. No, No, No. It couldn't. No. No, No, NO.

I shook my head angrily, "Please no," my voice was raw and broken from being unused and Dad shook with sobs as Remus held him, his head nodding heavily. I shook my head harder, left right left right. My head was spinning. He couldn't have. I couldn't be. It was once for goodness sake.

McGonagall's fingers squeezed mine tightly but my hand felt limp as it hung on the bed. There were no tears left and so I let heavy sobs rake my body instead. McGonagall was crying heavily now and she wiped away her own tears, "I'm so sorry Lena, I really am," her voice broke between each word and I felt my body shake, wanting nothing more to disappear, or run as far and fast as I could. "You have a choice Lena, if we act quickly…" Even Madame Pomfrey's voice broke and I nodded painfully. I couldn't look at Severus, but turning my eyes to look once more to Professor McGonagall, I realised he'd turned his back on me. "Do it, please, I can't do this, I don't want it." I tried to regain a little strength as I spoke but the last few words were choked and Dad started towards me. I threw my arms out to him and he hugged me against him warmly. "I'm so sorry Lens, I really am," he kissed my forehead and I turned so that I lay against his chest, his arms warm around me. Madame Pomfrey squeezed my knee tightly and wandered away quietly, visibly shaken by the whole thing herself. "Oh God Lena," Dad lay gentle kisses on the top of my head and I held onto him tightly, my eyes closed tightly.

The matron walked back towards us, her heels clicking quietly on the stone floor. She held a small bottle in her hand and a crystal beaker. "I think Lena needs some space," the matron's voice was quiet and everyone turned to her, everyone but Severus who kept his back to us. I shook my head, pulling Dad back down as he raised himself, "Stay, everyone stay." They all stopped moving and no one could quite look me in the eye. Everyone but Remus. He stood, his arms clamped tightly over his chest, watching as Dad held me. As Pomfrey passed me the glass filled with a pale blue potion, Remus stopped my hand, "Lena, are you sure about this? You can't take this back." There was no question, and I was supported further when Severus turned to look between Remus and I. Dad's arms tightened around me and I raised my hand, downing the bitter potion in one. Dad pressed his lips against the side of my head as I began to shake, curling into a tight ball as the potion ran coolly through my veins. Severus watched as I lay there, shaking in my Dad's arms and the only place I wanted to be right then was in his arms, with him holding me tightly, kissing me, telling me everything would be alright, yet something just felt wrong and as I lay, looking up into his dark eyes, every part of me wanted to throw myself away from him, run while I still could.

Pain rattled through my every limb and my stomach clenched tightly, screaming out in pain. I was quickly pulled back into Dad's arms. He held me tightly as every agonising wave of grief ripped through me, my blood throbbing loudly in my ears as I screamed out and cried. Dad shushed me gently and eventually the pain came in much shorter waves and my body suddenly felt weak and tired. Eventually Madame Pomfrey and Remus helped me to the bathroom and the matron watched over me as I sat, blood pouring from me, as if I hadn't already shed enough for him.

Somehow Remus carried me back to the bed, my legs no longer able to support my weight and I lay heavily in the sheets, Dad sat in the chair beside me, holding my hand tightly. I hadn't even registered that Professor Dumbledore and Severus had left until I looked up several hours later, darkness filling the hospital wing, and I suddenly felt very much alone.


	29. Chapter 29

Severus's P.O.V

I had to sit through every moment that Ambrose relived, hearing not an ounce of guilt or remorse in his voice. It took every last bit of energy I had to sit there, motionless, when all I wanted to do was rip this boy's head from his bony neck and make him pay for what he'd done to Lena. He'd taken everything and had known exactly what he was doing. As the ministry officials carried him away Albus held me as pained sobs raked my body. "It was my entire fault Albus, if I'd pushed her away, stayed strong like I should have." He shook me gently, "Severus this is not your fault, you can't help who you fall in love with and Miss Black is worthy of everything you offer her, it is a shame that that boy has allowed himself to be so poisoned, to be so much a victim of his own upbringing and circumstance." I shook my head, the guilt weighing heavily on my heart, if I'd only been a little quicker, not spent so long with Minerva. I could have saved her.

When we'd arrived back in the hospital wing to find Sirius and Remus I found myself reigning in my desire to curse the old werewolf. Potter and Weasley had left on McGonagall's orders and it was much darker and quieter without them here. Albus spoke to Sirius and Remus quietly while found solace in Minerva's words as she spoke to me softly. Sirius had transformed into his animagus and we'd all watched tiredly as Lena slept, her father comforting her, and then when she'd awoken any last inch of peace was lost.

"The potion Minerva, its gone green. She's pregnant Min," Poppy's words had tied a tightening knot around my heart and I couldn't take my eyes from Lena, tears falling down my cheeks silently. He'd taken everything. She was still a child and now he'd given her one. I couldn't get my head around the fact that it was my Lena we were talking about, and looking down into that bed, I couldn't help but feel that my Lena no longer looked back at me.

When they'd given her the potion I'd felt every last inch of me weaken and weep, seeing her lie their shaking and screaming in pain, knowing I couldn't help her, hold her. When Remus helped her to the bathroom, I felt myself tire and seeing this Albus ordered me to leave, to rest and I'd obliged quietly, hoping I'd wake later to find this had all been a nightmare or some cruel joke that would end by morning.

[A/N] hey everyone!

Please favourite and review! I love seeing what you all think, so keep it up!

Thank you for reading, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Please, keep reading and enjoying

Kat xxx


	30. Chapter 30

Lena's P.O.V

When I'd woken later in the day, I found that Fred, George and Angelina sat beside me, the twins each held one of my hands and Angelina sat beside me on the bed, tears streaking her face. I sat and regretted it immediately, curling in pain, "MADAME POMFREY QUICK!" I shushed Angelina, "I'm fine, just sore." The Matron ignored by efforts and gave me another pain tonic and I felt much better as I rested back against my pillows. "They're taking you home?" I nodded, it had been mentioned briefly last night and I was almost glad I hadn't had to tell Angelina myself, but seeing the pain on her face I continued quickly, "I'll be back though, promise. You don't really think I'd leave you with these two did you." I smiled weakly but no one laughed. "He's evil Lena, we should have killed him when we had the chance." I shook my head squeezing Fred's hand tightly. "They've got him now, that's all that matters."

I looked up, realising Dad was watching us quietly. Angelina didn't looked shocked or the smallest bit surprised and I realised they must have been introduced while I slept. "Are you ready love?" I nodded quietly and Dad came to take my hand. He lifted me gently from the bed and as pain hit me like a fist pummelling my ribs, George came to the rescue, supporting my weight till Dad had me tight. I needed to see Severus, I'd thought of nothing but him since I'd fallen asleep and I needed to divert Dad's attention. As Dad walked me over to Madame Pomfrey's office, I was glad to see Harry's eager little head pop through the door. I pulled him away from Dad a little, "I need to see Severus, can you distract Dad? I heard Pomfrey say he was along at the staff room, it wouldn't take me long." I chose this moment to shake with pain as my stomach clenched nastily, bile rising in my throat. "You can't go alone, hold on,' Harry held my arm tightly and tapped Dad on the shoulder, "Can I take Lena to get some fresh air? We'll stay in this corridor." Dad looked a little surprised and he nodded gently.

Harry pushed the door open and guided me silently along the corridor, towards the staff room. It was still very early and we walked unnoticed, the corridors empty. Harry knocked gently on the staff room door and I stood with my back to the wall beside it. It was so quiet and a cold breeze twisted its way through the open windows. The door clicked open and someone inside grunted unhappily at Harry, "What now Potter? I'm busy." Hearing this, I pushed myself away from the wall and began my way back to the hospital wing, limping painfully as my stomach muscles clenched and convulsed. "No, Lena, Wait," Severus had spotted me and pushed Harry aside hurrying down to take my arm and support me as a twist of pain shook my body and I moaned quietly. "Lena you should be in bed. Come on let's get you back to Poppy." His voice was full of concern and I twisted in his grip, "they're taking me home Sev," He stopped and took both my arms in his hands, his nails biting my skin causing me to shift under his touch, and he, noticing this, dropped his hands quickly. I took his hand in mine gently but couldn't look him in the eye. "Lena," his hand brushed my cheek and I flinched at his gentle touch. "just, just promise you'll wait for me." My voice broke as I spoke and he he sighed, "forever Lena, I'm yours remember, just promise you'll come back to me," Harry made a sickly noise behind us and I smiled weakly at him, "I promise, write me?" He nodded and placed a gentle kiss upon my cheek, and this time, I didn't flinch, instead turning my head and pressing my lips ever so gently against his. He returned my kiss tenderly and Harry coughed loudly. Severus rested his head against mine and breathed softly in my ear, "I love you Lena," I nodded and dropped his hands gently, taking Harry's as he led me away from Severus and back to the hospital wing.

Grimmauld Place was cold. Really cold. Dad was carrying me in his arms, I was struggling to hold my own weight and Madame Pomfrey had told Dad that I should do nothing but rest for the next few days. Dad carried me through into the kitchen, Remus flicking his wand to convert my favourite armchair into a small sofa. Dad rested me on it gently and Remus handed me a large mug of steaming tea, which I drank slowly. They both stood over me, watching as if I might break any second. "Will you both stop worrying? I'm here aren't I?" Dad smiled weakly and came to rest on the floor beside me, his hand taking mine.

"Are you sure you're okay? Poppy gave us some pain tonics if you need them." I shook my head and curled up on the sofa, my stomach twisting unhappily. I was asleep within minutes and when I awoke several hours later it was to find that Kreacher sat on the floor beside, stoking the fire. "Mistress is awake. Kreacher will make you tea." I smiled weakly, "thanks Kreach, where's Dad?" He busied himself placing a copper kettle over the fire and pouring milk into a teacup, "Master is with that feathered horse and the wolf is in the drawing room." He passed me the small cup and I pulled myself up, grabbing my stomach as it clench uncomfortably. "Mistress is in pain, Kreacher will get Master." He made to move and I shouted at him quickly, "No Kreacher, leave it, I'm fine, it just hurts to move. Please, leave it." He looked torn, but his house elf self took a hold of him and shaking his head, he returned to his place beside the fire. "Mistress is hurt. Kreacher will look after her." I smiled at him a little happier, silly elf. "What's for supper Kreach?" He looked up at me, his eyes full of love, something that I'd come to get used to seeing when he looked at me, and something that I didn't see when he looked at any other member of the order, especially Dad. "Kreacher is making mistress soup, her favourite." I patted his shoulder gently and he flinched at the contact, so unused to it as he was. "Thanks Kreacher."

I spoke quietly to him as he prepared supper and I told him how the elves at Hogwarts made every meal and cleaned the place top to bottom and happily, he looked pleased with his own circumstance. "Lena, You're awake." Remus stood in the doorway, a large leather-bound book held under his arm and an empty tea cup in his hand. He looked twice at me and rested the book on the dining table, "How much pain are you in Lena?" I shook my head but Kreacher betrayed me and looked pointedly up at Remus. "How much pain is she in Kreacher?" The old house elf glanced unhappily between Remus and I, and catching the looking in my eye he shook his head, "Kreacher knows not of any pain." Glad of the house elfs obedience I sat up on the seat, gritting my teeth and holding my side, the bruises there stinging angrily as they rested against the arm of the chair. "Lena, let me take a look. Your dressings might need changing." I shook my head but Remus's face showed no change and slowly, I pulled the hem of my t-shirt up, revealing the long purple bruises across my ribs and several large dressings that spread down my ribs, across my hip. "Lena," Remus came to sit beside me and his fingers were cold, but gentle over my skin. His fingers traced the largest bruise; it ran from under my rib and spread across my stomach. Remus shook his head, standing and taking several clean dressings from the brown paper that Pomfrey had given us. Remus removed thee dressings slowly and I couldn't help but flinch as I caught sight of the scratch that ran deeply down my side. Remus looked up at me, his face guilty, "Stop looking at me like that Remus, it's not like you do it." I shook my head and Kreacher muttered away to himself in the corner.

"He's standing infront of the Wizenmegot today. Snape and Dumbledore are standing witness." At the news I flinched and gasped, Remus's fingers gently applying healing balm to the long wound, Severus would have to talk about it, I, as if I was nothing more than a student to him, guilt caused my stomach to plummet. He shouldn't have to do it. "Are you sure you don't want any pain potion?" I shook my head, my face betraying me so that he passed me a large glass of the blue solution. He watched as I drank and I gave him the empty glass unhappily. "Molly wondered if you wanted her to come over. See how you were." I bit my lip, it felt weird being in this house, surrounded by men and I couldn't help it, I needed Molly. "Tell her I said yes," He nodded and took a seat at the table, flipping through the pages of the large book.

I watched him as I read, Kreacher handing me another cup of tea. He looked older than he had at summer, his face ever more scarred and his eyes more tired. He rested his head on his hand as he read, and I lay back down, my head against the loveseat arm as I watched him read slowly. Underneath it all, the scars and worry, Remus would have been beautiful, his skin almost translucent and his eyes pale amber eye's shining and excited. His fingers ran though his hair as he turned the page and he noticed me watching him. I smiled and he shrugged, mouthing, "What?" I smiled and shook my head, noticing a small pinkness on his cheeks. I turned from him and seeing Kreacher walk from the pantry carrying three heavy bowls I shot up from the seat and took the bowls from him. "Mistress should not carry things; Kreacher's job is to care for Mistress," and consequently he began to hit his small bony head on the side of the dining table, I pulled him back quickly, "Kreacher no! You don't hurt yourself!" He hung is head ashamedly and moved the dishes around the table. "He's right Lena, you shouldn't be lifting anything." I tutted and shook my head, Remus pushing his book aside. "Lena, you've been through hell, at-least let us look after you." I nodded, taking the seat beside him and flinching as my side brushed his arm, "Are you okay?" "Fine," you could hear the lie in my voice and as Kreacher stomped out of the kitchen and we both flinched as the drawing room slammed shut. I pulled the book he'd just pushed aside towards me, as I opened it he sighed, and looking at him questioningly I flicked to the title page.

_Lycan theory and the search for a cure_

I smiled at him weakly but he didn't smile back. I flicked roughly through the pages, noticing only some small word and phrases. It mentioned the wolfsbane potion and went through the stages of transformation. There was a page dedicated to a large watercolour picture of a transforming wolf and I traced it slowly. I glanced up at him, but there was no emotion on his face. "It hurts." He nodded and I couldn't have taken my eyes from his if I'd tried. They glowed hungrily in the firelight and I couldn't help myself from reaching out and tracing the long jagged scar across his cheek. He took my hand and made to pull it from his face, "Lena," the hunger wasn't only in his eyes and I found myself struggling to catch my breath, the pain in my stomach nothing compared to that in my heart as I felt myself being ripped from everything I felt for Severus, the feel of his skin on mine nothing but a distant hazy memory.

"Remus," his face was only inches from mine, "Please Remus," I pulled away and his hands dropped from my face.

"Lena, you're awake," Dad bustled through the door happily and I shifted myself a little further from Remus. Dad bent down and kissed me gently on the forehead, "How are you feeling love?" I shrugged and worry passed over his face. "Where's that damn elf? KREACHER!" The elf appeared with a _crack_ and bowed so low that I was sure his nose brushed the ground. The elf poured soup into the three dishes and we ate in silence, Dad not noticing the awkward tension between Remus and I and instead continued to look at me as if I'd smash into a million tiny pieces. As soon as my dish was clear I made to leave and steadied myself as both men came to my side, "OFF!" my voice was a little harsher than I'd meant it to be and both men flinched away from me. Too tired to say anything, I left silently climbing the staircases slowly, the stabbing pain in my stomach stopping me completely on the second landing, I couldn't call Dad or Remus now, and my voice was weak as I called out, "Kreacher!" nothing happened and I rested myself against the bannister, my grip weak, causing me to slide ceremoniously to the floor. "Kreacher!" my voice was more of a sob now and it was answered by a much louder _crack_. "Mistress, Kreacher will call for Master!" The small elf flitted around nervously, I took his hand and he slowed, "Kreacher please! Don't! Just help me up," He did so obligingly, although I could see it in his little face that he wanted nothing more than to call Dad and I knew that this would result in himself beating himself later.

When we got to my room, I pushed the door open gently and Kreacher helped me over to my bed where I collapsed painfully into a ball in between the sheets. "Does Mistress require anything more of Kreacher?" I shook my head, "Thanks Kreach, and no beating yourself tonight." He cracked and was gone quickly. I lay back on the pillows and looked up at the new canopy of my bed. Dad had been busy and had replaced my old drapes with new cream linen and I flicked my wand, the drapes sliding shut around me.


	31. Chapter 31

I lay there for hours, every time I fell into any slumber that resembled sleep, I was quickly awoken by the thought of a heavy, hot mouth on my neck or a painful throbbing inside my abdomen. Eventually I threw my duvet up over my head and closed my eyes, hoping that eventually my brain would just shut down, hopelessly into a dreamless, nightmare less sleep. It must have worked because I found myself awakening much later, a stabbing pain in the lower part of my abdomen and struggling to catch my breath I tumbled from bed, stumbling across the landing into the bathroom. I slammed the door shut behind me and slid down it, the pain becoming so unbearable I could no longer stand. I lay on the cool bathroom floor and looking down saw that the tracksuit bottoms I'd been wearing yesterday were now stained in dark red blood. I felt myself began to cry and the pain caused me to scream out, hoping that I'd wake someone and I lay there, exhausted, my stomach burning as if on fire and a throbbing pain growing more and more agonizing as every minute passed. I opened my mouth and screamed, my voice breaking with another tidal wave of pain, "DAAADDDDDD!" I threw my head back against the door and banged it repeatedly, sobs raking my body. Heavy footsteps fell rapidly on the staircase and I felt the pressure against my back as someone tried to push the door open. "LENA? LENA LET ME IN!" I pushed myself away from the door, towards the bath tub and the thick dark blood smeared across the bathroom tiles. Dad gave the door a heavy push and he fell into the room. Shock clearly visible on his face he collapsed on the floor beside, taking my hand. "Lena, what happened?" I shook my head, not knowing myself, "It hurts so much Dad!" he cradled me in his arms and I looked up to see Remus stood in the doorway. I tried to pull my legs up, to protect some of the dignity I had left, the movement causing pain to shoot up my spine, and I flinched horribly, my stomach wrenching. I threw myself from Dad's arms and scrambled to the bathtub, heaving heavily. Someone's hands were rubbing my back, another hand held my hair back from my face. Dad wiped the tears from my cheek and his hands were gentle as they rubbed circles on my back. Remus's hands were cold against my neck as he held my hair back and he stood behind quietly while Dad reassured me everything was going to be okay.

Eventually my stomach gave up and I sat with my head against Dad's chest, his fingers running through my hair gently as he shushed me. Remus stood watching quietly, his eyes never straying from me, I could feel his gaze warming my cheeks, but now was no time to be coy. "Remus can you get Lena some clean clothes, I'm going to get her cleaned up." Dads voice was quiet but Remus left the room almost silently. Dad knelt beside me, my cheek now resting on the cool bath rim as the taps threw steaming water into the deep tub. "Lena," I looked up at him, feeling the tears ready to run again. He kissed my forehead gently and slid my t-shirt up over my head before helping me to stand to rid myself of the bloody bottoms. He helped me into the tub gently and I hissed as my skin touched the boiling water. Dad sat behind the tub on the floor and I sat, my knees against my chest as he used his wand to run hot streams of water and shampoo through my hair. It felt so good to finally be clean and although the water burned my skin it felt good to use every nerve left still working in my body, to know I was still alive. As Dad ran conditioner through my hair, Remus re-entered the bathroom, clean pyjamas folded neatly in his arms. I didn't care for what he could see; it felt too good to be sat in the hot water, the dirt washing from me. Remus sat on the closed toilet, watching as Dad finished with my hair. Dad stood and took two large towels from the shelf, wrapping one tightly around my hair, he helped me stand, allowing me to wrap the towel around myself. Remus stood and left the bathroom, telling Dad he'd get Kreacher to make tea. Taking my toothbrush, Dad brushed my teeth and I spat out the dirty water, and I stood as Dad dried me gently and the pain was evident on his face as he took in the deep scratches and bruises that covered my body. Purple blotches ran along the inside of my thighs and the one that had shocked Remus so yesterday was turning a sallow yellow shade on my abdomen.

Dressed and dry, Dad helped me over to bed where I collapsed thankfully, Dad lay down beside me, and I curled up under the arm he lay over my shoulder. Remus opened the door and he carried a large breakfast tray, adorned with cups and a teapot as well as hot toast and crumpets. I couldn't eat but took a small cup and it filled with tea automatically. The two men ate quietly; Remus sat facing Dad on the bed, resting against the lower board of my bed. "I owled Molly, she'll be here tonight, she has to sort everything at home and with Arthur." I curled up into Dad and he stroked my back lovingly. I couldn't help but notice the warmth of fresh tears falling against the back of my neck. The men fell silent and I almost felt myself drift to sleep but there was a large crack and Kreacher appeared in the room, a small envelope in his hands. "Arrived for the wolf." Remus took it and Kreacher cracked himself away again. Dad shook his head and kissed the top of my head, taking another piece of toast.

A little relief seemed to pass over Remus's face and I couldn't help but feel the relief wash from his to me, the tight clasps on my heart becoming weaker. "He's been charged. Four Years." The clasps were almost completely gone now and I kissed Dad's chest thankfully. Dad sighed with relief and Remus smiled weakly as I caught him watching me again. Dad's fingers played with the damp curls that fell across my back and I curled up happily against him. "Who sent it?" Dad's question echoed through the room and Remus looked almost reluctant to say. "It's from Severus. He says that he hopes Lena's okay." Felt a tiny pang on hope and snuggled closer against Dad's hard chest. I could feel Dad shaking his head and Remus shot him a look that I knew meant that he didn't approve of Dad's manner. "When will you get over it Sirius?" Dad shook his head again and I felt my cheeks glowing, knowing they meant Severus. "Snape is a dirty, greasy, turncoat, and if I had my way, he'd have nothing to do with the Order, or the kids." Anger flushed my veins and a deep stab of pain caused me to flinch a little. Remus handed me a small glass of potion and I took it gratefully. "Professor Snapes not that bad Dad. He's okay." My voice was weak and while Dad looked down at me with a little shock, Remus looked at me questioningly. "He is." I shook my head and pulled myself even closer into Dad's chest. "Still a grease ball in my eyes." It was only a mutter but it stung heavily.

We lay on the bed till late in the evening, Remus brought his book up and was reading it quietly, every now and again discussing little sections with Dad who continued to play with my hair and at some point in the afternoon I felt myself drift into a dreamy sleep where I lay in Severus's arms, watching as Remus fell from Gryffindor tower. I awoke to see Remus sat watching me quietly while Dad slept, his fingers still against my back. We watched each other for a while, a battle of wills to see who would look away first, but as Dad awoke with a start we both looked away, my eyes falling on a small owl who was banging her beak against my bedroom window, hooting occasionally to try and catch someone's attention. "It's Iris, let her in." I sat up in bed and Remus jumped up before I could make a move, letting the small brown owl float in and land in my lap, hooting happily as I stroked her wings. I took the small letter from her leg and recognising the small beautiful script upon it, I put it aside, into my bedside draw. Both men looked at me questioningly but I shrugged and they looked away unhappily. I curled back under Dad's arm and Iris lay in my cupped hands, hooting as I fussed her. She was a little bigger now, but that hadn't ended Pigwidgeon's designs on her and she continued to act like a hoity toity little miss. She'd give in one day though, and man would Pig be happy.

"Hello, Hello?" Molly's voice stirred us all and she pushed the door open with her hip, a large tray laden with bowls of fresh stew and bread, resting in her hands. Remus took the tray from her and she came to my side of the bed, her skirts spreading around her as she perched on the bed beside me. "Lena darling, how are you?" She hugged me tightly and I responded quietly, "I'm okay thanks Molly." She sat back and looked down at me, "What was that boy thinking, you look so tired Lena." I smiled weakly and she stroked my face kindly. "Oh and with only these two to look after you! You should have owled me sooner!" I smiled and both Dad and Remus looked severely offended, "I'm more than capable of looking after my own daughter Molly." I laughed a little, Dad's voice revealing the fact he'd felt put out at her comment. "And I think we're capable of looking after a teenage girl Molly. We may be men but we still know a thing or two." Molly looked at me purposefully as Remus stood, his arms folded tightly against his chest. "Yes Remus my dear, of course you do," she said a giggle in her voice and she winked at me squeezing my hand.

A pain struck my heart so hard that for a second I didn't think I'd breathe again. It wasn't pain for what had happened, but more a pain for what hadn't happened. Dad and Remus had done a fine job yes, but when they were asking if I was okay it was more a physical concern than an emotional one, and it was clear neither men knew how to deal with the situation. I needed my mum, and seeing Molly only reiterated it. I wasn't okay, not fine, not happy, and yes the pain was there physically, knowing at me with every movement, but what hurt more in this moment was the realisation that head mum had been there she would have made sure I was okay emotionally. Sure, Dad and Remus had both been crying their own tears last night after what happened, but I couldn't help but feel it wasn't for what had actually happened to me, but more for the fact that they hadn't been able to prevent it happening, and I couldn't stop the huge sense of loneliness that shrivelled my heart.

Everyone ate quietly, but I refused my bowl and sat, curled up, watching as Iris flew circles around my ceiling. When everyone had finished and the bowls were piled high on the tray, Molly's voice rang rather sharply across the room, "Right both of you out, Lena needs some sleep, go on, out." Dad kissed me goodnight quietly and they left the room, the heavy tray in Dad's arms. Molly came over to the bed and fluffed the pillows vigorously before taking the place where Dad had lay. I curled up in her arms and her chest rose and fell slowly beneath my head as I let the tears fall gently, "Oh Lena," there was a small sob in her voice and I realised that this was somewhat of a shock to her and I knew she was thinking of Ginny. She shushed me quietly and eventually my tears ran out. Darkness had fallen and Molly took her wand from the pocket of her skirt, and with a flick the curtain slid heavily across the curtains, the candles bursting into flame in their holders.

"You know dear, you can tell me anything, I won't tell anyone, not even that nosey father of yours, I just want to make sure you're okay." I squeezed her tightly and she kissed my head gently. I turned in her arms and led in the centre of the bed, facing her as she sat propped against the headboard. "I want my mum." She smiled weakly and took my hand, her fingers calloused but soft from hard work. "I hadn't really missed her till today. Like I miss her, but I guess there's always so much going on that I've not really had a chance to miss her." She squeezed my fingers, "You know I'm always here if you need to talk Lena, I'm only an owl away."

"If I tell you something Molly, you promise you won't tell Dad?" She nodded silently and I sat looking into her eyes as I contemplated what to do. "I've met someone, and well last night, we were going to…" She smiled gently and I waited for a reaction, "that's perfectly normal dear, you're 18, no one can stop you, not even at Hogwarts." "It hurts more knowing it won't be him though, it will always be Ambrose." I spat his name unconsciously and Molly squeezed my fingers tightly. "Your first time's what you make it Lena. What that boy did, it was evil, wrong, and there was no love behind it, your first time making love can still be with this other boy, sex means nothing if it's not for love Lena." I smiled weakly up at her, her eyes kind and glowing in the candlelight.

"What if he doesn't want me now though? What if he thinks, what if he thinks I'm dirty?" my voice broke and Molly took my face in her hands, forcing me to look up at her, "Lena you are not dirty. You had no choice in what happened, and if this boy thinks that of you, he doesn't deserve you." A single tear slipped from my eye and I squeezed her tightly.

"Does it always hurt so much? I felt like I was going to die." She shook her head. "Your body wasn't ready for it, it didn't want it Lena, for a girl to take someone, her body has to want it, be ready for it. And it was your first time, it was going to hurt. Next time, it might still hurt, but you'll get used to it and eventually you won't even realise your body changes." I shook my head and lay back down, Molly's arms wrapped around me softly. I fell into an untidy slumber and my dreams were patched up moments from the other night, the feel of stone restraints around my wrists and the uncomfortable warmth as I'd split when he tore me.

And when I finally woke up, I was just exhausted as the night before, my body sore and stinging, when would the pain end.


	32. Chapter 32

Pulling myself up from the sheets, I realised I wasn't alone and pushing aside the drapes around my bed found Remus sleeping softly in an armchair beside my bed, his book led open heavily on his lap. I drank a large glass from the bottle of Pain tonic that someone had left beside my bed and my stomach growled unhappily. I lay back on the pillows and watched the gentle rise and fall of Remus's chest as he slept.

What the hell was I doing? I couldn't help but be taken in by Remus when he was around me but my heart still collided excitedly with my ribs when I even considered the idea of Severus. Maybe Ambrose was right, maybe I was a whore. I just couldn't help myself. Remembering the letter yesterday, I rolled to face the window, taking the letter from the drawer beside the bed. I slid my finger beneath the seal and it broke open in my hand.

_Lena,_

_I don't know what to say, it seems odd having to talk to you this way when I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms, to reassure you and care for you. _

_Everything feels wrong here without you already, but I know that you need some time. _

_Know that I love you and will be waiting_

_Please, just tell me you're okay,_

_Yours Always_

_Severus._

I folded the letter back up and placed it back in the drawer, taking a fresh piece of parchment and a quill from the drawer.

_I wish I could tell you everything was okay, but I won't lie, It hurts so much Severus, I can barely move. Everyone's molly coddling me and I feel like a child again._

_I think I need time to get everything sorted in my head, I'm so confused, _

_Please be patient,_

_Always, Lena x _

I wrapped the parchment tightly and tied it with a piece of string that I tied tightly around Iris's leg. She nipped at my fingers happily and she flew out the open window as I held the curtains open for her. It was still rather dark outside and I watched as Iris's little wings flapped harder as she caught in a breeze. I dropped the curtains and turned to Remus who still slept soundly in the chair. I wanted to shake myself. I was Severus's, I'd promised him that, but here I was fawning over Remus. But I couldn't help it, he drew me in and when he was around I wanted nothing more than to feel the touch of his lips against mine again, to feel his arms holding me, it was as if Severus didn't exist.

I curled back up on my bed, wrapping the sheets around me and lay, watching Remus while he slept. I wondered how long he'd been sat there. I'd lain as still as possible when Molly had left in the early hours, but Remus hadn't been here when I'd stirred not much later. I stood and made my way to the door, opening it as quietly as possible and stumbling across the hallway to the bathroom, my feet still uneasy beneath me. As I sat on the loo, I was shocked at how much blood stained the dark bottoms I wore and sat there, I realised how much was still pouring out of me. Madame Pomfrey had said it would take a few days for the bleeding to stop but I was still shocked to see the vast amounts of it. I washed my skin of the dried blood with a wet cloth that I cleaned out and slid back out across to my bedroom, wearing only the t-shirt I'd worn before, glad of its length, as I held the bloody clothing in my hands. I slipped in through the door quietly, and relieved at the sight of Remus sleeping, I pulled fresh underwear and tracksuit bottoms from a draw. As I slid into the trousers I went to rest quietly on my mattress, facing Remus. His face didn't look as tired or torn when he was asleep and I pressed back on my pillows, sleep taking me once more, and with the knowledge that Remus slept near me, I fell into dreamless sleep.

I woke to feel a gentle pressure against my mouth. I opened my eyes and pulled away slowly. Remus stood a little too quickly and knocked his head against the canopy of my bed. He swore quietly and went to move away, guilt clear on his face, but I caught his hand and bravely pulled him back down to me, and sitting, I took his mouth against mine gently, unable to forget the warmth and comfort that his kiss had given me. His mouth moved gently against mine, his hand in my hair, supporting my head as I kissed him gently. Pulling back from him, I looked up into his eyes and saw the hunger that I'd seen only days before staring back at me. I took his mouth again; hungry for the warmth his lips gave me and his teeth grazed my bottom lip tentatively as I allowed him access to my mouth. His tongue was warm against mine and my hands pulled him down towards me until he sat facing me on the bed, our lips still entwined. He was much gentler than Severus and I felt myself soften beneath his lips, but feeling that too comfortable pooling in my stomach I pulled away from him, dropping my hands to my lap. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." He shook his head, "I kissed you first Lena." The realisation that I'd merely reacted to his touch resonated much better with my heart that yearned hungrily for Severus, not Remus.

Before I knew it, Remus had left without another word and a little part of me called out for him, yearning for that warmth. I shook my head. Severus. I wanted Severus. I needed Severus. But Remus, damn it, he was here, he wanted me and I couldn't help but be excited at the prospect of his touch and warmth surrounding me. I felt myself blushing angrily and I tore from my bed, stomping down the stairs, angry with myself for letting this happen, and with every heavy foot fall against the stair, pain shot up through my legs, through my stomach and around my chest, catching my breath. I stood still at the bottom, my hand tight around the banister. I entered the kitchen quietly to find all the adults sat around the table, including Mr Weasley who greeted me quietly. Instead of taking my normal seat at the table, I collapsed onto the small sofa beside the roaring fire and took the cup that Kreacher passed me. The hot tea warmed me through as Remus's lips had done only moments before, and now he sat at the table, refusing to look at me, instead his head buried deep in the daily prophet. I looked away angrily, what had I done? I was leading him on, and he'd only get hurt. But he'd kissed me first, both before Hogwarts and now. Yet that didn't stop the fact that I'd kissed him knowing that somewhere, Severus might still be waiting for me.

I curled myself up and with a flick of my wand the flames in the fireplace flared and danced happily. Kreacher came to stand beside me, in his hands was a large fluffy blanket and he bowed his head for me to take it. I wrapped it around myself and thanked the elf who walked away quite happily, only for Dad to turn to me, addressing the room. "Why is it then that that stupid elf treats Lena like royalty and me like trash!?" I smiled up at Dad, drinking my tea quietly. "Maybe you should try a little respect Sirius." Remus stood from the table, his face dark and left the room without a single glance in my direction. Guilt washed through me and mingled with the pain in my stomach. Dad sat and stared moodily out of the dark window beside Kreacher's cupboard. "Maybe, Lena, when you're feeling a little better you could take snuffles out for a walk." I looked at him thoughtfully, "Dad, you've already been spotted once, we can't let it happen again." Molly looked between us and smiled proudly, "Yes Sirius, Lena's right, Dumbledore wouldn't want you out and about anyway, not with all the Dementors." Dad looked even more irked and didn't speak to any of us for the rest of the day, and Molly and I spent most of it sat by the fire knitting a jumper for Fred for Christmas.

The next few days fell into the same sort of pattern, no letters from Severus though, and in the mornings I would wake to find the chair beside my bed empty, although a fresh glass of pain tonic always managed to find its way to my bedside at night. I'd been home a week when I woke early one morning to find Remus sat beside me, watching me silently. As my eyes locked his, he stood and went to the door, "Please Remus, can we talk." He looked torn and I sat in bed weakly, as although the bleeding had stopped I found myself exhausted even on waking, my body worn and tired from fighting the pain over the weekend. His shoulders fell and he came to sit beside me on the bed, his fingers tracing the embroidered flowers on my bed sheets. "I'm sorry Lena." "You shouldn't be sorry Remus, I'm the one that's led you on. I'm so sorry." He looked up at me, his amber eyes glowing and he took my hand, "You haven't led me on Lena, and I've been foolish. Just a foolish, blind old man. Nothing could make a beautiful young woman like you want an old weak man like me." I squeezed his fingers tightly. "You aren't foolish, or old, or weak for that matter. You have no idea how badly I want you sometimes, it's just that, well, I'm with someone and this has all really confused me. Sometimes when I'm with you, it's as if he doesn't even exist."

"Oh Lena," I looked away from him as fire flashed through his eyes and although only brief, it stirred something within me that I'd only ever felt before with Severus. "I wish things were different Remus, but right now, I'm his, " He looked up at me sadly, "it's fine Lena, you should be having fun with someone your own age anyway." I looked away guiltily and my voice was so quiet I thought he might not have heard me, "He's not my age though," the pressure of his fingers squeezing mine almost made me look at him and I flinched seeing the look on his face. It wasn't what I expected it to be, I expected maybe pain or judgement, but jealous eyes stared back at me, "He's older?" I smiled weakly and a look of shock passed over his face. My stomach was in knots now and I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. "And you've been seeing him at Hogwarts?" I couldn't look at him and stared at the small sliver of light shining through my curtains as I nodded only slightly, knowing he'd get there soon enough. We sat in silence for a while but Remus broke it eventually, his voice quiet but knowing, "Since that night, when he showed up?" I shook my head, tears spring at my eyes, ready for the Remus's anger to smash into me, "Since that first night?" His voice was broken and full of sadness and I let the tears roll as I nodded gently. "Second best to Severus Snape, there's a first time for everything I suppose." I snapped my hand from his grasp, his boyish hate biting at my skin. "I didn't mean it like that Lena. Well, actually, I suppose I did, but it's true, who ever thought Severus would be the one to get the girl."

"You're all the same aren't you? You still hate each other. Even after all these years." My voice was quiet but Remus flinched regrettably. "I've never hated Severus, apart from maybe moments ago when I realised it was he who had your heart." I couldn't look at him, "You won't tell Dad, will you?" He looked at me sadly, that same torn expression on his face, but he shook his head tightly, "Not unless you want me to?" It would certainly be easier if Dad knew, no more secrets, no more hiding, but he'd kill Sev for even looking at me, let alone touching me the way he had. "No, please don't." Remus nodded and stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. "All this time and no one knows?" I shook my head and he raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Harry guessed, as did Dumbledore, but McGonagall saw it I think, in the way he looked at me. And Ambrose, God knows how he found out but he did." I looked into his eyes and something woke in me that Severus had never even touched upon, a need and want passed thought my veins and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and kiss Remus the way I'd only ever kissed Severus. "If Severus wasn't around Remus, it would be you, and if I'm honest, I don't think he really wants me anymore," I looked down at my lap guiltily, rejection searing my veins, having still no contact since that letter. Remus squeezed my hand tightly as I stoked a stray hair back from his eyes.

"You really need a haircut," He smiled at me, "So could your father." I laughed but grabbed my side in pain, but shook off Remus's kind hand, swearing I was okay. He passed me the pain potion anyway and I took it gratefully. Molly and I spent most of the morning cutting the men's hair and by the time I'd finished with Dad he looked about 10 years younger and much less ragged, although his handsome face still betrayed his good blood, and I couldn't help but notice Molly blush when Dad smiled at her moments later. Iris pummelled against the kitchen window not much later and we let her in quickly. A small roll of parchment was attached to her leg, and seeing that it was addressed to Remus, I passed it to him quickly. "It's from Dumbledore, wants to check you're okay," I nodded and Remus scribbled a reply quickly, sending Iris on her way quietly and she flew out into the lashing rain hooting unhappily. I couldn't help but notice that Remus didn't take his eyes off me at all for the next few days, watching silently and brushing as close to me as he could when we passed in the corridor or on the stairs, and I couldn't help that every time he did so, hunger and want washed through my veins. The pain in my stomach had subsided almost completely now and Molly had left, happy that Dad could take care of me for now, and the house seemed much quieter without her, even though both men seemed to relax immediately.

Members of the Order dropped in several times; wishing me better and I'd been allowed to sit in on several of the meetings with Mad-eye and Tonks. I was glad of the female company but couldn't help but notice that whenever she was near Remus, she couldn't take her eyes of him for much longer than a few seconds, and although Remus didn't appear to register it, for he couldn't take his eyes from me, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous when I woke late one morning to find Remus wasn't beside my bed and instead I found him downstairs in the kitchen talking quietly to the witch. I'd sunk down into my loveseat, glad that now I was there Remus couldn't take his eyes from me and I stretched out my legs, my pyjama bottoms sinking low on my hips, and I watched as that flash of hunger passed over Remus's eyes, Tonks struggling to catch his attention. "Remus, Remus?" She pulled his arm and he look away from me regrettably but I couldn't help the smile that passed over my face, I had him.


	33. Chapter 33

Severus's P.O.V

I couldn't bring myself to owl Lena after her reply, I knew what she meant about being confused and the next few days were beyond unbearable. I couldn't concentrate and even with the students playing up in lessons, I couldn't bring myself to punish them, and many realising this, began to take control shouting and running around the dungeons. There was just something about this whole thing that unsettled me greatly. And I knew that no matter how hard Lena fought against me I would still be here waiting as no one had ever loved me the way she did, especially Lily, and for some reason, Lena called to me no matter who's company I was in. I'd spoken briefly to Albus about it, but not knowing of such things himself I found him highly unhelpful and almost bored of the trials and tribulations of my love life. I could only hope that things righted themselves on Lena's return. But one Albus asked that I pay 12 Grimmauld place to check on Sirius, I found myself wandering down to Hogsmeade and disapparating with a pop.

Lena's P.O.V

I curled myself up in bed, hugging myself warmly. The days I'd been absent from school seemed to pass quickly and surely enough a week and a half had passed before finally there was not an ounce of pain, unless I pressed against my abdomen when I'd almost immediately curl up in agony, and the only problem I had now was the fact the I was struggling to sleep, so much so that I found myself staying awake till Remus came into my room and curled up in the chair, his book laying unread on his lap, while his eyes watched me unmoving, and only then, knowing he was present, could I even attempt sleep.

When I woke on the second Wednesday of my stay at home it was to find Remus's chair occupied, he was still snoozing gently and I watched him peacefully. He woke moments later and left the room without a word but I knew this was my queue to dress and follow him, slowly down the stairs for breakfast. Although the pain had died down I still found myself unable to eat that much and so my presence in the kitchen would have been almost unnecessary had it not been for my favouring of hot coffee in the morning. Walking into the kitchen I saw that Remus had stopped stock still, unmoving, staring at the occupied chair at the table, as sat beside Dad, who looked more than a little irked was Severus.

I sat wordlessly down on the loveseat taking my coffee from Kreacher who came and looked up at Severus lovingly. "Severus has come to check up on us Remus." Dad's voice was bitter and I turned my back on the men, unable to look Severus in the eye. "Albus ordered that I come to ensure everything was okay here, that you hadn't been on any more walkabout's and that you'd actually managed to keep your daughter alive on your own, seeming as no one at the castle has heard from her." I could tell he was looking at me but I couldn't pull myself to look at him and I watched Remus instead who sat opposite Severus, his eyes pinned firmly between Severus's eyes. "We are more than capable of looking after Lena thank you Snivellus." Dad spoke the name with such anger, such bitterness, that it bit at my skin as it always did. Children, the bloody lot of them. "I thinks that's all isn't it Severus?" Remus's voice was quiet but shared the same bitterness that Dad's did.

"I'm going up to shower," and although Dad looked at me questioningly I hurried up the staircase, hoping Severus would catch on. As I reached my little landing I stood and waited quietly, looking out of the window upon Grimmauld place. The streets were grey with filth and I could hardly look upon the place with happiness. "I wondered if you'd talk to me." Severus's voice was cold and it hurt somewhere deep within me. And Severus flicked his wand whispering _Muffliato_, before speaking, his voice scratchy and pained "What is it Lena? Hmm, why are you confused?" I looked at him only briefly and saw no emotion in his cold dark eyes. "I don't know Severus. I don't know anymore." "You don't know what?" He came to stand beside me quietly, looking just as unwashed as he did the first time I'd met him. "I just don't know anymore. Why didn't you reply?" my voice sounded hurt and I felt a little triumphant, make him no he's hurt you, go on. "Is it because you don't want me now, now that I'm questioning it, everything, us?" He looked down his nose at me and I turned from the anger in his eyes. "You write me Lena, and tell me you're confused, you really expect me to write back as if everything's normal?" "That's it though isn't it; nothing will ever be the same." He shook his head and went to take a hold of my arms but I flinched away and held myself, looking out across the cold September morning. "I told you Severus, I need time, and I thought you'd granted me that," Hurt passed over his face and was replaced quickly with anger.

"Maybe I don't want to give you time! Maybe I thought that if I gave you time, you'd realise you'd make a mistake and end it, or pick the wolf over me!" I looked up into his eyes coldly, "_maybe you were right!" _I turned from him and walked towards my bedroom, "And you know what Severus, I'm okay, thanks for asking, I just had to kill my own child without any support from you, had to sit there and feel my body rejecting it without even a word of sympathy or kindness from you, all you care about is your precious self." I slammed the door in his face and tumbled to my bed, sobs raking my body. He stood at my door for a while, knocking gently, trying to get me to listen, apologising profusely. Hearing the pain and regret in his voice hurt me a little too much and eventually I flicked my wand, whispering _Muffliato_ myself to block out his incessant pleas. I know that the separation had been my fault, but not even in his first letter had he asked if I needed him. I would have crossed the world for him, run a thousand miles, stand in front of everyone in the great hall and declare my love for him, but he wouldn't even leave his precious classroom for me.

I sat in the window seat of my room, watched as Severus left the house and disappeared with a pop from the front steps. I knew I'd hate myself for pushing him away, but I needed time, needed a break from all the secrets and hiding. That night, I slid the lock across my bedroom door before Remus had chance to enter it, and although I slept dreadfully, I was safe in the knowledge I wouldn't let myself be played by my own greedy, selfish heart.


	34. Chapter 34

Standing in front of the fireplace I let Dad hug me tightly, tears streaming down his face silently. "I'll be back at Christmas, promise," I tried to pull myself away from him but he was persistent and I was only able to escape when he began to hiccough loudly, his whole body shaking. I hugged Remus quickly, forcing myself not to look into his eyes before I gave Kreacher a quick pat on the head. "Okay." I took the small paintbrush in my hand and it glowed a silvery blue as the familiar sensation behind my naval began, Dad and Remus's faces swimming before me.

I landed quite gracefully in Professor McGonagall's office and she greeted me happily. I whispered thanks to her softly as Fred and George moved to envelope me, as it was Saturday, they weren't in lessons, and they had obviously been waiting for me as they hugged me tightly. "We missed you Lena, don't leave us ever." I laughed into George's chest and felt soft lips in my hair, "How are you feeling?" I smiled up at George and laughed quietly, "Better for seeing you." He smiled down at me, but his smile wasn't as bright as Fred's who seemed to gleam with excitement, but George squeezed my hand tightly and said nothing more on the matter, and as we said our thanks and goodbye to McGonagall, the boys each took one of my arms and swung me happily along the corridor, my bag slapping Fred hard on the back where he carried it. They walked me quietly to the common room, Fred talking heavily about Umbridge and I couldn't help but notice the sheer hatred in his voice, "Who does she think she is anyway, banning our merchandise. We even caught Filch playing with a fanged Frisbee last Saturday, proper happy he was." I smiled weakly and although Fred didn't see it, George obviously did, his face dropping a little as he noticed the absence of emotion in my eyes.

"Fred, go find Angelina, she was taking Ron out for some extra practise before dinner, and I'll take Lena up." Fred looked between George and I and the twins stood motionless but seemed to be communicating somehow as Fred looked over us both before skipping away happily, a smirk on his face. "I'm fine George, seriously," he snorted "that's why you look like you've got a bowtruckle biting your foot then?" The side of my mouth twitched, "you miss nothing do you George." He smiled down at me cheekily and I laughed, taking his arm and leading him, not to the common room but over to the large cathedral-like windows beside Flitwicks classroom and we sat together on the hard wooden bench beneath it. "How's everyone been here?"

He shrugged, "Harry and Ron have been walking around like zombies, but they won't talk about it and the girls have been hit really hard, Ginny and Hermione wouldn't enter a bathroom alone for the first week, and Angelina's just been a bit broken. She's missed you obviously, been proper unfocused though, practise has been awful." "What about you George, and Fred?" he looked up at sadly, "missed you obviously, Fred won't talk about it though so Angelina got proper stroppy with him, wouldn't talk to him, but I wanted to speak about it and Angelina was glad of the company I think," "glad I could push you together," it was meant as a joke but George looked away with a mumble of agreement. "You are alright, aren't you George?" I took his hand and squeezed it tightly, he didn't look at me and I was glad, everything had suddenly become quite uncomfortable, "You looked so broken Lena, I really thought… I really thought we might lose you." I squeezed his hand tightly, "I'm not going anywhere George, promise." He squeezed my hand tightly this time and pressed the softest of kisses to back of my hand which lay in his clasped ones.

"The teachers were a proper mess that day after though, everything sort of slipped a bit you know. Dumbledore told everyone you'd been attacked and most people put two and two together, but it's been quiet you know, even the Slytherins, they haven't said anything, although Malfoy got Fred on his own last week and asked if you were okay. None of them are happy. See what he did, its muggle evil, not even the top death eaters would do that." I smiled weakly at him, a pain in my chest. "So the teachers were weird?" I tried to make my voice as un sly as possible and George carried on, "Mm, McGonagall was bad the first couple of days but she shook herself out of it, hasn't been too nice to the Slytherins though, and Snape, he's been awful, proper moody, barely said a word, can see why though, doesn't look great on him does it, his star student attacked by one of his own. Think he feels guilty personally, see he was the only teacher not to punish Ambrose for what he said or did to you; even Umbridge had him for trying to curse you from the astronomy tower apparently." I looked out of the window to see Angelina and Ron circling the goal posts, a tiny red head trying to catch their attention from down in the stands.

"Lena, its Snape isn't it, your admirer?" I looked at him shocked, "how did you…?" "The way he acted that night and the way he's been since you went, he's been really lost. It all makes sense though, all the crazy magic, the secrecy and the way he looked at you on your birthday, he couldn't take his eyes off you, " his voice was soft and had an edge of sadness to it, "It doesn't matter anyway, we're not together anymore." He squeezed my fingers tightly at the sound of my voice breaking and we sat quietly watching commotion unfold on the Quidditch pitch. Ron had whacked a quaffle pretty hard in Angelina's direction, and now Ron was being hounded by both Angelina and his older brother who stood in the stands making angry gestures at the younger.

"We should get going, don't want to be late for dinner." We walked slowly to the common room and seeing Harry and Ron I ran into their arms, tears sliding down my cheeks as I held tightly to them with all I had left. "Thank you," I whispered it into both their ears and kissed them on the cheeks, as they squeezed me tightly. I tried brushing the back of Harry's hair down but it stood up perversely and I was quickly enveloped into warm, wet hugs from Hermione and Ginny, their tears mixing with mine as we cried.

George dragged us all down to dinner a little later and I walked into the great hall with my head bowed a little, George's arm supportively lay across my shoulders, and none of us could help but notice the hush that fell upon the hall as we took our bench at Gryffindor table. Angelina squeezed me tightly and refused to let go of my hand the whole of dinner and her fingers were like a warm protective cage over my own. I dared a look up at the staff table and my stomach clenched uncomfortably as Severus, being caught watching me, stood and swept from the hall, no emotion on his face. Dumbledore watched and glanced sadly towards me, smiling at me reassuringly as George squeezed my knee tightly. Pain and guilt washed through my veins and I wanted nothing more to follow him and talk and I couldn't keep myself from being one of the first to leave as everyone piled towards the great oak doors. I stole myself down to the dungeons quickly, and the Slytherins, being sat the far side of the hall, were yet to reach the doors, so I went unnoticed. I walked quietly down the vacant corridors and my stomach rolled as I passed by the bathroom, but I didn't look at it and instead kept my gaze steadily towards the door of the dungeon classroom. With no answer on my knock, I opened the door quietly to find it empty. I closed the door silently and paced back up the freezing corridor towards his office.

Light shone out beneath the door and I had to steady myself outside it before I knocked. There was no answer but the pacing footsteps stopped quietly. I pushed the door open and closed it quickly, standing with my back pressed against it. His eyes were cold as they bore into mine and I averted my gaze, looking instead at one of the jarred specimens that lay on the opposing wall. "Out." His voice was cold and my nails bit into my palms as I steadied myself again, my heart doing a steady cha cha against my rib cage. "I said, out!" I flinched as he came to stand over me, his voice bitter and hurt. As he stood almost a head above me, I felt imprisoned stood with my back pressed firmly against the door, "I'm sorry." My hand fell to the cold door knob and I brushed passed him as I made to run from the room. His hand caught my wrist and he pulled me back in tightly, forcefully. I pulled my wrist from his grasp and he looked down to where his nails had bit into the closed wounds that the stone cuffs had made around them. "Sorry, Lena." I looked up at him sadly, and his eyes bore down into mine, not with the hatred and pain as before, but now with guilt and remorse. Fresh tears sprang to my ears and he wiped them away gently but I flinched and stepped back from him.

"You left me Severus. I was totally alone." My voice was bitter but I sobbed, holding my hand to my mouth. "Lena, I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. You said you were confused so I gave you some space, obviously I know that was wrong now." I shook my head. "It was right, I did need space. And I don't know why I'm angry at you anymore. I fucked up big time Severus, it's me who should be apologising, I broke my promise to you, and I went against everything we'd made," "What do you mean Lena, you haven't done anything wr…" "I kissed Remus," it was out before I could stop myself and this time he stepped back from me, "I knew it, couldn't keep away could you?" He started to walk from me and I sobbed loudly, "please Severus, I just, I was so confused," my voice rattled as if totally empty, "Oh please, you aren't confused, you're a silly selfish little girl."

I stood back from him hurt and the bitterness in his eyes sliced angry scars across my skin. "Well it wasn't as if you were there was it! Where were you hmm? Sat in your precious bloody classroom! Remus was there, he looked after me, wanted to make sure I was okay! Don't you dare act as if you're the victim here! I cheated, so what! I needed you, needed to know that you'd wait, even when I was confused. Did you not think that maybe I'd be confused, after everything! He raped me Severus!" He couldn't look me in the eye and I forced myself in-front of him, although he tried to move from me, "Can't take it can you? Knowing what he did, try being me, I wish I could bloody hide from it, but some of us aren't so lucky!" I spat at him and he flinched angrily.

"I didn't mean to hide from it, I didn't know what to say to you, everybody was around you, I tried that night, but every time I looked at you it was as if it was me who had done that to you!" I flinched guiltily and unfolded my arms from my chest, "Maybe we really do need a break, we're poison." I slid from the room without another word and stumbled towards the staircase where I found George sat silently waiting. I fell into his arms and he held me warmly as he shushed me. "It's okay, I'm here Lena, shh," his fingers stroked my hair slowly and eventually the sobs dried up and we sat silently, his fingers slow in my hair. "Tell someone. A teacher, Sirius, someone." I shook my head, "never. I love him too much George." He sighed and helped me to stand, my legs weak beneath me. We were silent as we walked away from the freezing dungeons and back to the warmth and light of Gryffindor tower.


	35. Chapter 35

It was as if Severus and I had never happened. We didn't look at each other; talk to each other, or even about each other. Harry noticed quickly and he always seemed to be stood beside me whenever I ran into Severus alone in a corridor. McGonagall had also noticed it and I couldn't help but notice that she looked at me sadly most of the time now, guilt seemed to be flooding the castle and the mood was quickly becoming that most accustomed to funerals. Although many were now excited about the first Hogsmeade visit of the year but I couldn't face it and so on the first Saturday of October I wished the twins and Angelina goodbye as they toddled off into the village, ignoring George's offers of company. I wanted some time alone to adjust properly to being back here and the teachers had already piled homework on me so I found myself spending most of the morning, and afternoon, lost in the stacks in the library, my quill scratching away feverishly.

Everywhere in the castle was silent, the first and second years choosing to run around and enjoy the last of the sunshine, October already promising to be much colder than September with its chilling breezes and grey skies. I wandered up to the owlery to visit Iris who hooted happily as I sat with her, finishing the last of Severus's essay. Potions had been hell on Wednesday. He hadn't even sniffed in my direction and I'd left the classroom two hours later, not upset but angry. He couldn't ignore me, that wasn't fair. We'd both done things that were wrong and both of us were hurting from the others mistakes but we couldn't allow our cover to slip, he was still my professor, and I his student. As I tied a length of string around the parchment tightly I noticed the small silver chain still hanging from my wrist. It shone in the light and Iris nipped at it as it waved in front of her face. "I know baby, I know."

And so I found myself wandering back down to the dungeons, hoping I would be able to leave the bracelet in his classroom without him noticing, most of the teachers chose to spend the weekends hidden away in their lodgings or offices and I could only hope that Severus had done the same, yet I wasn't to be so lucky. As I placed the chain quietly down on the desk beside a large black candle a soft voice rang out behind me, "you should keep it." My fingers dropped completely from the chain and it rattled as it hit the oak desk. "No, I shouldn't." He'd closed the door behind him silently and as I made my way to the door he took my arm. "I can't do this Lena. I can't just sit back and watch. I can't. You'll never forgive me, no matter what, but I just wish you would give me the chance to make it up to you." I turned slowly to him and all I saw in his eyes was a flash of hope.

"He got what he wanted didn't he. He took everything." The sob broke from my throat and he took me warmly in his arms, and stood with my cheek pressed against his cheek I could think of nothing I wanted more. "I'm so sorry Lena, I really am." I looked up at him and he brushed a tear from my face and I found myself reaching up, kissing away the tear that rolled down his own cheek. "I'm sorry too, I should never have let myself go near Remus. I missed you, I needed you and you weren't there." "I'll never leave you, ever again. Even if it means exposing everything that we are, I'll do it." I pressed a gentle kiss against his lips and he lifted me easily from the floor, holding me in his arms as he kissed me hotly, everything we hadn't said or done for the last three weeks rolling into one crazy stupid kiss that lasted so much longer than any other and when we parted we found ourselves breathless in each other's arms. "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry."

He reached back down and within seconds his fingers were laced gently around my wrist, pushing the clasp shut on my tiny peony chain. "I've missed you so much," He nuzzeled my neck and I kissed his cheek, "I know, George told me," his head snapped up, "Weasley, he knows?" I nodded and he sighed, "We aren't very good at this are we," I took his mouth and kissed him hotly, but as his mouth traced my neck and pushed back the arm on my jumper to gain access to my shoulder, he drew a ragged, sharp breath." I looked from him and he returned my sleeve gently. "Can we go to your room, this doesn't feel right." I took his hand and led him quietly from the classroom, away to the door that I knew I could open with a simple flick of my wand. Once we were inside, I pulled him down to the love seat and wrapped myself tightly in his arms.

"You promise you'll never leave me again?" I turned my head and saw the brief moment of hurt fly through his eyes, "You really have to ask that?" I kissed his cheek and lay my head back against his chest. "He hurt me so much Sev, I wanted to die." He squeezed me tightly and pressed his lips against my forehead gently, "I couldn't live without you Lena, never." My fingers traced his hands that were wrapped snuggly around my waist. "In a way, I think I'm glad it wasn't with you, because then I don't know whether I'd ever look at you without seeing the pain, the blood." He swallowed hard behind me and I pushed myself further into him, wanting to be close to him. "If I'd only been a few minutes earlier," "Please, don't Severus, it wasn't your fault." I squeezed his hand tightly. "It wasn't your fault." I repeated it, but only in a murmur, "It wasn't your fault wither Lena," and I smiled weakly up at him, knowing that was what he wanted to see, but my insides curdled and stewed, if only I'd kept my necklines higher- my skirt length lower, not tried so hard to tempt Severus, maybe he wouldn't have been so tempted.

"Do you still want me Sev?" he squeezed me a little more forcefully and I felt his mouth in my hair, beside my ear, "always Lena," and there it was, that familiar lust and need, that little pool of passion in my stomach. I stood and took his hand again, leading him over to his bedroom. The curtains still hung heavily over the windows and I sat him gently on the bed, standing in front of him, his hands holding me firmly on the hips. I flicked my wand and the candles around the walls flitted alight, throwing a golden glow over the dark room. I pulled my jumper over my head and then my shirt, and being unable to wear underwear in such a state I found myself standing there in front of him with a bare chest. He breathed in sharply at the sight of the bite marks on my breast, the yellowing bruise across my stomach. I kept my eyes steady on his as they flitted across my body, taking in every bite and scratch. His eyes lingered on the wound down my side and I flinched helplessly as he trailed his fingers gently down it. I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them from my hips and couldn't help but feel upset when Severus flinched at the sight of my legs. Dark purple bruises spread out from my hips, over my thighs and his contorted in pain as I opened my legs a little, allowing the candle light to catch the reflection of the deep jagged wounds over the insides of my thighs.

Sev pulled me towards him and stood so that he stood a head above me, his hands warm against my cool skin. He kissed my lips gently and his mouth moved down my neck, over the scars on collarbone and down over the bite wounds and scratches over my breast, over the bruise on my stomach and the wound down my side. My hand was against the back of his head, pushing him into me as closely as I could, wanting nothing more than to feel his sweet kisses all over my body. He lay me down as he started to kiss my legs, and his lips seemed to flutter over my skin, hardly leaving any pressure but giving me that thrill of touch all the same. He lay down beside me and took me in his arms, holding me gently.

"You'll always be beautiful to me Lena, no matter what he's done to you," I smiled happily up at him but was stopped short with a flash of fresh pain through my stomach, I curled up and cried a little in pain. Sev's hands were gentle on my back and I rocked a little, waiting for the pain to subside.

But it didn't and quickly I was rolled up on Severus's bed, clutching my stomach in pain as Severus rocked me, his hands running softly through my hair. "Maybe I should get Poppy," I shook my head and bit my lip as a particularly bad wave of pain rolled through my stomach and caused me to call out, "Severus, bathroom, now," He picked me up without another word and within seconds I found myself sat silently rocking on the toilet, the pain surging in waves. Severus perched on the edge of the bath with his hands cradling mine and my body shook hard with pain as I felt my insides being ripped away again. I whimpered in pain and Severus shushed me quietly. It came thick and fast and although it only lasted a few minutes, Severus had to carry me back through to the bedroom, so weak that I could no longer carry my own weight.

"I'm going to get Poppy," I grabbed his wrist, "Please Severus, its fine, please, just stop." He gave in and sat beside me, stroking my hair as the last of the tears dried up. "It's happened a few more times since I've been back but it doesn't last that long," He stroked a stray tear from my chin, worry clear on his face, "It should have stopped by now Lena, this isn't right." I took his hand and stroked his thumb tenderly, "It is, Madame Pomfrey said it takes a lot more to, to, when it's from purebloods, they're stronger and it takes a lot more. Seriously Severus, its fine. My body's trying to get back to, to normal." I attempted to reassure him with a smile, but it didn't work and he glared down at me angrily. "You should have told me. I should have been there. No wonder you ran for the wolf." I squeezed his thumb and I pressed a gentle kiss against his lips. "Can we forget about the Remus thing, it was a mistake, I won't let it happen again, I promise." He kissed me a little harder and I wriggled beneath his warmth, happiness overtaking the pain, and flooding my veins warmly. "I love you Lena Black, never forget that," "How could I?"


	36. Chapter 36

October flew by in a blur, Umbridge's regime was now being enforced throughout the castle and the mood in September was nothing compared to that of the new October days. I had attended a DA meeting with Angelina and the twins in early October and it had quickly become a weekly habit, with Severus taking extra detentions to avoid the growing numbers under Umbridge's watch, it wasn't as if I had much better to do. Harry was proving to be a good teacher, and although there were still spells he wouldn't learn until his seventh year, I'd began to support him, teaching him things we were being taught in transfiguration and charms, and more importantly things that I'd learnt at Beauxbatons, whose advanced regime proved to be important in a school where we were being taught little defensive magic.

I was struggling forming a patronus, and although Harry wasn't quite ready to start teaching the others, I wanted to get a head start and so took extra help from Harry when he wasn't studying or practising quidditch. Angelina had got the Quidditch team reinstated and they were due to play against Slytherin on Sunday, so spent most of Saturday down on the pitch running trials. With no twins, Angelina or Harry and Ron I found myself wandering down to the dungeons, finding Severus in his chambers. I sat and watched him work for a while, his quill flying over the page in rapid short strokes. I poured myself a large glass of wine and curled up in the loveseat, a large tome of defensive magic perched on my lap. I flicked through and read through the large description on Patronuses, how they were formed, the theory and practical aspect as well as a thorough description on vocal Patronuses.

Severus took his own glass of wine from the desk and came to sit on the loveseat beside me, I folded myself round and curled into him on the small plump sofa, my legs wrapped tightly underneath me. Sev's fingers played with my curls quietly and I could feel his cool breath against my throat as he bent over my shoulder to see what I was reading. "Patronuses? I thought that was next term?" I nodded, "Thought I'd get a head start, couldn't hurt though could it, knowing how," my thoughts wandered off and my mind filled with that familiar dreamy image of Dad led at the bottom of Gryffindor tower, a cold scaly grey mouth inched from his. "Have you formed one yet?" I shook my head and smiled weakly at him, "Harry's been helping, but I'm still not there, just a silvery grey smoke really." His fingers laced through mine and I rested my glass on the table, "Do you want me to help you?" His voice was quiet and something purred happily within me, "Would you?" He stood, his hand never leaving mine and he withdrew his wand.

Silently, he flicked his wand, a silvery smoke rolling from its tip, it floated endlessly around the room, not taking shape and this caused Severus to drop his wand, his concentration faltering. "Sev, are you alright?" He looked up at me as though shocked to see me stood beside him and I frowned. "It's, it's," I took his hand again and turned him to me, "It's always been, it's always been a doe, before." I looked away from his dark eyes sadly, a doe, just like Lilies. But now, it was shapeless, did that mean? What did that mean? Had he fallen out of love with her? No, he never would, but maybe he loved me more, maybe it had confused the patronus. "Lena, let's try yours, come on." I looked up at him sadly, "Lily, Severus?" He looked away guiltily and he frowned, small creases crossing his face. "It's fine, Severus, you'll always love her." He shook his head, "not the way I love you. I never felt this way with her, what I feel for you, it's rawer, I'm hungry for you Lena." I felt the blush creep up my cheeks and he took my hand, steadying my grip on my wand. I flicked it, whispering quietly, "Expecto Patronum," and again a silver wisp emitted from it, it danced alongside Severus's bigger grey wisp and then appeared to dissolve, while Sev's continued to float through the room, circling us.

"You're not thinking happy enough. Come on Lena," I tried again, thinking of the feeling when Mum had let Dad into our cottage, two years earlier, knowing he still wanted me. A bigger silver wisp flew through the room this time, nose diving into the loveseat where it dissolved quickly again. I didn't allow Severus time to speak, instead flicking my wand and speaking the spell a little louder, thinking of nothing but the feel of Severus's mouth on mine, that night we'd spent together. This time a wisp to rival Severus's flew beside it, twisting with it and Severus squeezed me tightly, "better, try for shape this time." I flicked my wand again, speaking the incantation confidently, a large silver cat soared from my wand, and wandered quietly around the room, taking her in, I saw her large soft paws that padded against Severus's rug, looking down into her face, I was faced with the eyes of a beautiful lioness, he tail swishing happily behind her. She walked up beside me and curled herself around my legs and I couldn't help but laugh at the cool sensation of my Patronus against my bare legs. Severus was smiling and laughing happily and the cat leaped up and padded her way around him angrily. I steadied my wand and she walked away from him a little slowly, watching him as if stalking her prey, but Severus's eyes were hot and hungry as they bore down into mine.

Severus's mouth was fiery against my neck and I dropped my wand softly on the table, feeling his hands slide up the bare skin of my thigh to the seam of my shorts. "You did it Lena," I sighed into his kiss and I found myself being pushed hard up against the kitchen counter, my legs wrapping around his waist as he lifted me, his mouth hard against mine. My body reacted as it always did to his touch and the small pool erupted in my stomach, waiting for the ebb and flow that he caused inside me. His tongue danced against the roof of my mouth and I found my fingers struggling at the hem of the jumper he wore. He lent away and pulled it easily over his head before locking his mouth back to mine. His fingers danced across my bare skin beneath my small camisole and I shrugged quickly out of my thick cardigan. I wrapped my hands up behind his neck and locked my fingers tightly as I pushed away from the countertop, Severus carrying me through to the bedroom, his mouth never leaving mine.

He pushed me gently down against his bed and I pulled him down with me, slipping my shirt over my head quickly as his lips connected with the soft skin below my jaw. I unbuttoned my shorts and pushed down over my hips, Severus's hands guiding mine. I pulled at his shirt hungrily and it fell from his shoulders as I gave it one sharp tug. My mouth was hard against his skin as I ravaged kisses across his bare chest and I pushed him down so that I straddled him. I couldn't deny the hunger in his eyes and as I reached down to kiss him again; I let my hands trail lower, unbuttoning his jeans that then slid down his strong hips. My hair bounced over my chest heavily and I swung it hard over one shoulder, giving me more access to kiss Severus. But as I sat back over him, I saw a brief flash of fear pass over his face, "Are you sure Lena?" his voice was thick with want and the pool bubbled happily within me. I nodded and kissed him hungrily, trying to show him I had no fear, "Take me Severus."

His long fingers danced across my underwear and finding the tiny ribbon fastenings between my breasts, he pulled hard, the fabric unfolding and falling away so that each breast bounced softly over my stomach, our breathing was ragged now and although he was no longer affected by the now healed scars across my body, I saw the last little flick of apprehension cross his face before he tossed me down against the bed, towering over me. "God Lena," I blushed at the hunger in his voice and I took his mouth in mine, biting down on his lip as his hands moved across my body, pressing in places that caused me to arch and cry beneath his touch. I pushed away at his underwear and he forced it off quickly so that he lay above me, his skin bright and glowing in the sunlight that filtered through the open curtains. My fingers trailed his bare legs, circling them until my nails grazed his member which stood tall above me. My fingers flitted across the soft skin and he shuddered beneath my touch, a groan escaping his lips. His mouth fell hard against mine and I kissed him back with such a hunger, a need, that he had no choice but to tear the panties from my hips, his length so hard he was pained by it, and he was hungry for release.

His mouth found my breast and his tongue circled my bud, my back arching beneath me and pushing me further into his mouth. We shifted so that he knelt between my legs, his mouth never leaving my breast that now ached from his touch and my mouth was hot against his neck as I kissed him with such a want as I'd never know before. I lifted my legs over his hips and he stopped, his face hovering over mine, "You're sure?" I nodded, "I love you Severus Snape," he bent his lips to mine and growled hungrily against me, his length pressing uncomfortably against my stomach, "Always Lena," his mouth locked mine and his hands flew down to support my hips as I shifted against him, He hovered only a second from me and I held his gaze steadily as he pushed inside me gently. I flinched but caught his mouth in mine as I yelped in pain a little, my skin stretching to fit him. He tried to pull away but I pushed myself harder against him and he grunted his mouth hot against mine.

He moved inside me, pushing gently and reacting to the way I moved around him, as the pool in my stomach grew and with every movement Severus made inside me, it seemed to heat a little, releasing and then pulling back. As Severus pulled out of me, he rested his forehead against my shoulder, before plunging deep back inside me. I called his name and his mouth fell heavily against my throat, his teeth pulling at the skin as he built up inside of me. My stomach was blazing now and the pool was no longer a calm little puddle inside me, it was now a raging lake of want and lust, and with every thrust deep inside me I found my body clenching tightly around Sev, and noticing this, he began to build up the speed of his pattern. I cried his name and as I felt myself nearing that edge I bit down hard on his shoulder, fearing I'd scream like a thousand banshees. But as the pool pushed and pushed, I felt myself begin to shake, tightening around him. The lake burst before I knew it and I felt myself shake uncontrollably under Severus's hands, his mouth tight around mine, our tongues dancing hungrily.

As I pooled around him, he began to push harder, until he lay above me, shaking just as much as I had and I couldn't help but giggle as his mouth left mine, his face shiny and his smile wide. With one loud moan he filled me and I felt as if I'd never be fuller.

We lay together till darkness shrouded the bedroom, neither of us moving from the others arms, our bodies in a warm tangle beneath the sheets. Our hands travelled over each other's bodies, learning, playing, and our mouths warm and smiling against each other's. I pulled away and slid out underneath the covers. He tried to hold me back but I pulled my self strongly from him and fell out into the living room where I grabbed my wand from the floor and Severus's from the countertop. I threw him his when I entered and laying back down beside him, his hands warm around my waist as I cast expecto patronum, my lonely lioness stalking her way around the bedroom. I watched her happily and lay myself across Severus's chest, listening to the steady thunder-roll of his heartbeat. He flicked his wand, and this time, no meagre wisp took from his tip, but a large lion soared from it, stalking my lioness around the room until she turned and ran at him happily, her tail flying in excitement. I smiled into Severus's chest as we watched our Patronuses play and follow each other around the room and I thought in that moment, I could be no happier.

[A/N] Hey everyone, thanks for reading!

please fan and review, but most of all keep reading!

lots of love

Kat xxx


	37. Chapter 37

I woke in Sev's arms on Sunday morning, his body warm against mine and my every fibre tingled with memories of last night. I kissed his lips gently and he woke slowly, groaning and as I rolled up onto my stomach I felt the emptiness within me and it warmed me to know how perfectly he fit there. Everything ached but seeing the gleam in Severus's eye when he woke was enough to make the pain disappear. Our Patronuses had curled together beneath the window and were waking sleepily. I rested my head on Severus's chest and watched as my lioness came to stand by the bed, and when she nudged the hand that lay lazily over Sev's stomach, I stroked her head gently but there was no texture there, and instead it felt as if I was holding icey smoke. She prowled around the bed, her lover at her heals and I laughed softly seeing the way he looked at her as looking up at Severus I saw a gaze staring back at me not unlike the lions. I kissed him a little more hungrily and his hands wrapped warmly around my waist, holding me tight as I moved so that I lay over him.

His fingers were warm against the soft skin on my back and as my mouth moved over his in feather-light kisses I wondered whether he'd leave scorch marks when his fingers moved from my body. I rolled back off him noticing how his breathing had become ragged beneath the hand I lay over his heart. I stood slowly, knowing he was watching my every move and so I wiggled my hips a little as I walked out the door, leaving it swung open. I switched the shower on and stood under the pouring water that ran down my back in icy cascades, not yet having shaken the feeling I was being watched and so I was not overly surprised to feel hot lips at my neck, pushing me up against the wall with burning fingers.

Sev's eyes were dark and I yelped a little as he grabbed my leg, lifting it over his hip before raising his hand up behind my head. I could feel him pressing against the inside of my leg and I took his mouth hungrily in mine as he slid inside me, feeling my nails rake down his back. The water soaked us as Sev nipped at my skin, his length hard inside me. I felt my head fall back against the hard wall as he shook within me and I clamped myself around him moments later, shaking with my own release, but as he pulled from me, my hand caught his face, pulling him back towards me so that I could bit down on his lip as his tongue played softly against the lower rim of my lip. My legs felt weak beneath me and I stood from the shower shakily, wrapping a warm towel around myself. I lent up against the wall and watched as Sev pulled himself from the shower, gleaming with water droplets that caught the candle light and shimmered around the small tiled room. I laughed as he pushed me back against the wall, his mouth finding the soft flesh below my ear, my heart doing a raggedy trot as his lips melted against my skin.

I transfigured the camisole and jeans that I had been wearing yesterday so everyone would think I'd changed, the camisole being a deep burgundy and the jeans a light gold for the match later and at 8.30 I stood beside Sev's desk, waiting for him to finish before we walked up for breakfast. I left a little before him and wasn't surprised to find an excited mob of Gryffindor supporters stood at the mouth of the stairs. This allowed me to feed into the hall almost unnoticed and I took my seat happily by George. He looked up at me briefly and seemed to question the look on my face when he shook his head a little. Angelina sat nervously infront of me and it didn't shock me that she hadn't noticed my late arrival or absence in our dorm the night before. She had Wood's tiny quidditch set in-front of her and was pushing the tiny figures around the pitch, mumbling to herself.

I helped myself to pancakes and syrup as Sev walked into the hall, his hair still damp from the shower and a small green and silver rosette pinned to his usual black robes. When Hermione and Ginny entered the hall, we took it in turns to spin gold and red fibres through our hair. The twins and other team members left before everyone else and I made my way down to the pitch, loudly with the other Gryffindors. Somehow I found myself walking in time down the slope with Sev, who winked at me jokingly and I giggled, neither Ginny nor Hermione noticing as they discussed the fact Ron would probably end up being killed. The Slytherins had all been muttering something at breakfast and it was only now as we reached the quidditch pitch that we really heard what they were singing; the bitter lyrics of a taunting song that was bound to unnerve Ron who had already been shaking at breakfast at the prospect of playing the Slytherins.

Us three girls all found space up in the Gryffindor area of the stand and I couldn't help but blush, noticing Sev looking up at me with a smile on his face. Hermione pulled a large banner from nothing using her wand and we draped it out across the barrier, _Go Go Gryffindor!_ already being chanted out across the pitch. Stood there in the waves of maroon and gold, you couldn't help but notice that the Slytherin chants were louder than ours,

"_Weasley cannot save a thing,_

_He cannot block a single ring,_

_That's why all Slytherins sing,_

_Weasley is our king!"_

Hermione had gone as white as a sheet and I had to hold Ginny's arm as she struggled to get over to the Slytherin stands, "I'll kill them!" "Ginny stop, but both girls stopped and watched silently as the teams walked out on the pitch. Ron was glancing up around the stands nervously and I waved happily, he smiled weakly back and returned to looking at his feet. Harry waved up at us, as did the twins, but it was plain to see none were happy with the state of affairs, the crowd was booing loudly and Ron's head was as good as on the floor now, he was staring so intently at his shoes.

The match lasted what seemed like eternity and so far the Slytherins had sung the bloody chant on round so that even when we scored, Ron shuffled nervously up at the posts. The match ended in a raucous of applause and glee, Gryffindor winning with Harry's catch of the snitch. We all made to leave the stands as the team flew down but Harry, Fred and George were surrounded by a group of Slytherins, causing me to stop and hold Hermione and Ginny up. We watched nervously as taunts were shouted between the twins and Malfoy before Harry and Fred suddenly fell on top of them. We ran down through the stands, out over the pitch, with Ginny catching George's arm as he stood to support his brother who was throwing punches in every direction towards Malfoy who lay on the floor, whimpering. The teachers ran up towards us, Severus sending Malfoy to the hospital wing while McGonagall and Umbridge talked to the boys.

Us girls stood back and watched quietly, Severus coming to stand by my side when he'd finished with Malfoy. "Did you enjoy the match Miss Black?" I looked up at with a wicked grin on my face, "Very much so Sir, but I'm going to head on up now I think, leave the boys too it." Both Hermione and Ginny were engrossed with what was going on on the pitch and so ignored what was going on. "Hermione?' she turned to me but it was as if she didn't really see me, 'I'm going on up to the castle, I'll see you there, have to talk to Snape about my essay," She nodded and George flashed me a look, not of sadness or anger, but shame. I looked away from him so that he wouldn't see the sadness in my own eyes and started on up the slope, Severus at my side. I checked behind us briefly and seeing no one watching, led him over towards our spot by the lake. Checking no one was around again, he took my hand and pulled me close to him. I smiled up at him and he smiled happily down at me, tracing my cheek with his finger softly. I sighed, happiness pulsating through my veins. I'd never felt so whole before and stood here in his arms it was as if I never had to let him go. "Lena," I looked up at him and smiled, his face breaking and a smile spreading so wide there I thought his face might split. "God, I love you." I kissed him gently, "I love you too Severus, yours, always." He cupped my face and I looked into those dark eyes that sparkled with the lift reflecting off the lake. "You mean it, always?" I nodded and took his hand, leading him back through the forest where we could walk safely up towards the school without being seen together. "I've been thinking Lena, about us, and I don't think I'm going to be able to live without seeing you over the holidays. I take it you're going home to Grimmauld, but I can't bare the idea of two weeks without you." "Well, are you staying at school this Christmas, maybe I could stay here for a bit longer then go home later." He shook his head, not looking at me. "I'm needed at home. I'll be in Spinners end this Christmas." I squeezed his hand, "You're needed? Order stuff? Cant that be done from Grimmauld, it would be amazing, having you at home again!" He shook his head, keeping his eyes from mine as we walked slowly up the slope. "It's him isn't? He wants you at home?" He took my other hand and held me steadily in a clearing in the forest, tall dark elms casting long dark shadows over the canopy floor below. "If there was a way around it Lena, if I could be with the Order, I would, but, he needs me and Albus wants me to build that trust with him again." My hand slid up from his left hand to the arm that I knew was blanched with a dark mark. "It's part of you, I get that. You have a duty. I just wish things could be different." My fingers slid beneath the cuff of his robes and my fingers traced the inky tattoo gently, and although he flinched against the soft touch, he rested his forehead down on mine; his eyes watching my face as I looked down to where by fingers were rippling across his smooth skin.

"Visit me Lena, at Christmas. It doesn't have to actually be Christmas, but you could come to Spinners, it's nothing special but I can't bare the idea of two weeks without seeing you, hearing your voice." I smiled up at him, his forehead pressing against my cheek, "I'll come, I don't think I could bare any longer than a week without you again anyway!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and he lifted me gently from the ground as he lay hot kisses down the length of my neck. We began to walk again and we discussed the match quietly, laughing at Draco's near misses, "He always has been more of a looker than a thinker that boy," I laughed and pulled myself tighter to Severus, he was so much more relaxed and I wanted to be led in his arms again, tucked up safely in his bed.

As we reached the edge of the forest, Sev pushed me gently against a large oak that was covered from the school by three large elms. His lips were soft but powerful against mine and when he pulled away, I pulled him back in to me, sliding my tongue across his. Eventually I released him and I walked on up into the school, his footsteps much quieter than mine as I ran full speed up the staircase to Gryffindor tower, while he descended down into the dark, cold, dungeons.

November flew passed even faster than October in a blur of homework and studying. So much so that I barely saw Severus, although we both made sure we spent our Saturday afternoons together, me studying or reading while he marked essays over in the corner of his study. We hadn't spent another night together since that first night but we'd become even more relaxed with one another and it was as if we were two halves of a whole.

George seemed to dislike Severus more and more as time passed. Now that he had no quidditch to fill his weekends he expected to spend some time with me and although I spent all of the school day and most weeknights with him, Fred and Angelina, he begrudged the Saturday's I spent with Severus. Angelina and Fred seemed to be closer than ever and it seemed to irk George that he had no one. I tried really hard to spend time with him but it was becoming more and more uncomfortable, knowing that he despised my relationship with Severus.

Harry was taking it much better. It seemed that Severus had laid off of him a little, although Harry still couldn't be bothered to put any effort in with potions and so I found most Friday nights were not spent down in the dungeons where I wish they were, but were instead spent helping Harry finish essays or studying that he didn't complete in the week. With the lack of Quidditch I had expected him to be fairing a little better with time organisation but if anything he was doing worse. He was busy with the DA and that took up a good night of our week, let alone what must have been another good two nights for Harry, planning and prepping for our next lesson.

It was on the last Friday of November that I found myself curled up in front of the fire with Harry, his potions books everywhere; when Ron passed me a small note that Pigwidgeon had just delivered. His hair was damp from standing up in the open windowed owlery and he was shaking uncontrollably from the cold. He perched himself in front of the fire and accepted the large mug of hot chocolate that appeared as if from nowhere beside him.

I turned the letter over in my hands and seeing Remus's faint scrawl there, I opened it quietly, turning so the boys couldn't see its contents.

_Lena,_

_I wondered how you were doing. Your father hasn't heard much from you and he's worried. He's been spending more time with Buckbeak of usual and I think he's starting to draw in on himself again. _

_We all miss you Lena, the house isn't the same without you, even Kreacher's depressed. _

_I hope everything's okay your end, don't work too hard,_

_Remus_

It had no secret meaning, no hidden agenda but I found it comforting to know they missed me. I missed them so much, just being able to walk downstairs in the mornings, in my pyjamas and drink my coffee by the fire. If I walked down to the great hall in my pyjamas, no doubt the Slytherins would heckle and jeer, and I'd probably earn myself a detention.

I slipped a piece of parchment from Harry's pile and scribbled a nice simple reply,

_I'm fine, stop worrying, I can see you frowning with worry from here!_

_Tell Dad I love him and I'll be home soon enough, tell him not to do anything reckless, and Remus, please keep an eye on him. I know you will but it seems important for me to say it. _

_I hope you're okay, everything's going really well here, _

My quill hovered above the parchment, as I wondered whether it would be right to say it and shaking myself, this was Remus after all, I put the quill to the parchment, my writing scratchy and hectic,

_I think I'm in love Remus, well and truly, head over heels in Love, being back here, well it's been like being with him for the first time again, I really am sorry Remus,_

_Lena x_

I slid the roll of parchment into my bag, making a mental note to get Iris to send it later. He needed to know, I couldn't have any more temptation, not now. I was Severus's and he was mine, and this was the way we were made to be.

Seeing Harry had finished his essay I wound my way over to George who sat under a stack of charms homework in a dark corner. "Want a hand?" He didn't look up but shook his head, his quill stroking his chin, deep in thought. "Is everything okay George?" He looked up at me briefly and sighing he shook his head. He pushed the papers away from him and frowning stood, leading me out of the portrait hole. "Why him Lena? I know you to have…been together. It's been written all over both your faces." I flinched at the coldness in his voice and began to walk slowly down the corridor. "So what George, what if we have? What difference does it make to you hmm?" I turned to him and I could see the pained expression in his eyes. "Why him though? He's too old for you. He's a teacher Lena!" It was only a whisper but I flinched and looked around us quickly; we may very well have been alone but the walls had ears, and so did the gossip hungry portraits. "What would you rather George? Is that what this is? You're jealous?" He flinched away hurt, "I'm sorry George, I didn't mean that," I went to him and placed a soft hand on his arm, but he wouldn't look to me. "Maybe I am," I blinked hard, "Sorry, what was that?" I turned him to face me and he looked down at me begrudgingly. "Maybe I am jealous." My grip loosened on his arms, "Don't be stupid George." "I am though, I hate it; knowing your with _him_," he said the word bitterly and with such distaste I blinked furiously and dropped my hands from his arms completely. "Why didn't you say something?" my voice was quiet and I knew I could manage nothing but a whisper, knowing what was coming.

"Everything happened, the Ambrose thing, Snape. I thought maybe I had a chance, just a slight one. Wrong again George mate." He shook his head, his arms clamped firmly over his chest. "You're like a brother to me George, I love Severus." He flinched and I knew I'd said the wrong thing but he turned to me and took my arms tightly in his grasp. "Maybe you can change your mind, maybe you'll pick me, he's a death eater Lena, how long before he makes you one huh?" I slapped him hard across the face, the shock evident on his face as he grasped his swelling cheek, "How dare you." I stalked off down the hall, tears falling slowly down my cheeks and I ran up the stairs to the girls dormitories without another word to anyone, even though Harry tried to stop me.

I'd slapped George, I'd ruined everything. But how could he? How could he say it?

It had been playing on my mind for a while now though, how long could Severus and I last without me being a death eater? Was it even safe for us to be together? The answer was of course no. I was Sirius Black's daughter; Voldemort would kill me without a second glance, or keep me hanging on to torture Dad. Severus's dark mark was clearer now than it had been when we'd met, the shape more defined and he flinched much more easily when I touched it now. I'd been thinking about the future for so long and had never considered the fact that Voldemort might get in our way. There was a part of that was hoping that Severus would ask me to move in with him to Spinners at the end of the year, to be with him completely, but would that even be possible, safe even, if I wasn't a death eater. I wouldn't do it of course. I'd sooner die than pledge allegiance to him. There were very few things that would make me even consider doing such and the problem was Severus was one of them. Maybe George was right; how long would it be before I had a dark mark of my own?


	38. Chapter 38

I avoided George for the rest of the weekend but couldn't avoid him in defence against the dark arts on Monday. Angelina knew that something wasn't right between us and turned her back supportively on George when he tried to talk to her. I sat quietly and took notes, glancing up every few minute to watch Umbridge who sat in her little pink cushioned throne, watching over us all like the beady eyed toad that she was.

When class finished I rushed from the classroom before George had a chance to corner me, knowing he wanted to talk but not being able to face him, knowing that he was right in some way. I might be able to avoid George quite easily but Severus was a different matter. I'd spent most of the weekend up in the owlery and library, hiding amongst the stacks, but walking around the castle between lessons I found myself unable to avoid him. He passed me twice on my way to charms and at dinner that evening I quickly vacated the bench to run for the common room.

Severus was faster however and as I reached the top of the first staircase, Severus called up to me. "Miss Black, could I see you about that essay please?" I stood with my back to him, unable to watch him. I retreated and followed him silently down to his classroom where he shut the door tightly behind me, lighting the candles around the room with a flick of his wand. "I feel like you've been trying to avoid me Lena," He came to stand in front of me, his fingers wrapped tightly around my upper arms. I looked down at my roughly bitten fingernails that were clasped tightly between us. "You have been, haven't you?" I turned my head and his nails bit into my skin. I flinched moving away from him, towards his desk where I perched precariously among the various vials and bottles.

"How long can we keep doing this?" my voice was quiet and broken and Sev turned his head down towards me to hear me better. "What do you mean Lena? I thought we'd spoken about this." My teeth gripped my lower lip tightly and the irony taste of blood filled my mouth. "How long can this really last? The war's starting again." Confusion crossed his face as if he didn't think it was a problem. "Lena, you know where I stand." I looked up at him frowning, "Really? Do I? Because the last time I checked you were playing both sides." Anger flared through his eyes but I held his gaze steadily, "It doesn't concern you Lena." He stepped back, away from me and I clamped my arms tightly over my chest. "I thought you wanted me, always, that was what you said,' my chest seemed to fill with something I couldn't register, maybe anger, maybe courage, "I thought that maybe, maybe there was a chance that this was it, us. I think I was wrong though." I made to move towards the door but he stopped me short, "We are Lena, forever, me and you," "Then why won't you be honest with me!?" I looked deep into his jet black eyes and he stared down at me, "I don't know what to say," "tell me then, where you stand? That's all I need to know." He started to pace the room, his hand holding my own loosely.

"It's not as easy as just picking a side Lena, there are…complications. Dumbledore needs me to keep an eye on the Dark Lord and to keep his trust I must play my part." "And where do I fall into all of this? Am I just another player in this game Dumbledore seems to be playing?" He shook his head tightly and wrinkled his nose, "Lena of course you're not, your Sirius's daughter, that's all." I looked up at him blankly. "What would you expect of me, if this carries on? Will I need to become one of you? To be with you? Is that what I'd have to do, because to be honest Severus, when I finish school, I want to be with you, totally and completely?" He took me in his arms as the tears swelled and all the emotions from over the weekend seemed to splurge over the potions classroom floor. "I'd never expect that of you Lena, I'd never ask that of you." I looked up at him, my vision blurry with salty tears. "What if he asks it of me? Will I need to stop being with Dad and the order, they're my family now Severus." His mouth was close to my ear and I held him tightly against me. "You'll always have your family Lena, I could never ask you to leave them, especially for me." I rested my forehead against his chest and felt the tears dry up. I slid my hand up his left forearm and pushed back the dark fabric there, revealing the inky black skull and snake. It was darker than ever. My fingers slid over it and I lifted his arm towards me, pressing my mouth against the tattoo gently. Its inky shadows seemed to twist and converge and my eyes wandered over the crude design.

"He's called again. It writhed this morning." I looked up into his eyes and sighed as my cheek fell against his hard chest. "He wants you." Severus lifted my chin and stared deep into my eyes, "I'll never choose him Lena, not when I'm with you. Always."

[A/N]

Hey everyone!

Really sorry for the long wait! I moved into Uni on Sunday and haven't had a chance/any inspiration to write until today ( found out there Is a professor at my Uni here called Dr Snape! Nearly cried with happiness!)

I'll try and upload some more over the weekend if I can!

And I'm really sorry this chapters so short but I haven't got that much time at the moment and I thought it was about time that I uploaded something.

Please, review, fan and favourite, but most of all hold on tight and keep reading!

Thanks

Lots of love

Kat xxxx


	39. Chapter 39

I woke with a start, footsteps were falling heavily outside the door and I turned in bed, a crisp white light shining through a gap in the curtains illuminating the pile of clothes at the end of everyone's beds. Finally, the holidays. My trunk was packed tightly, awaiting the house elves arrival to carry them to the carriages, and my stomach growled hungrily. I was excited, of course I was, to be with Dad and Remus again, but dread filled my stomach. Severus had a job to do, he'd be away for the first week of the holidays and I probably wouldn't see him till after Christmas itself.

I knew the dread wasn't for Saying goodbye to Severus, we'd been apart for longer, no, the dread was due to the fear I held that this time he would return in much worse condition than the last time. I knew the wounds still ailed him, especially when he held me close to himself, but I knew he'd no let me fuss over him.

I pulled on jeans and a hoody, knotting my hair loosely at the nape of my neck as I ran down the stairs to the common room. I stopped quickly at seeing the look on Hermione's face; she stood solemnly beside Professor McGonagall, whose expression was just as grave. My heart started to flutter, imagining the worst, and I felt the dread in my stomach bloom. My fingers shook as I held myself steady. Not dad, not dad, please not dad. "Lena, I'm afraid something terrible has happened, come please." I took Hermione's hand and we followed McGonagall silently to Dumbledore's stone gargoyle.

McGonagall opened the door, pushing Hermione and I towards the headmaster's desk. He sat quietly, fingers laced tightly under his chin. "I am afraid Arthur Weasley was attacked last night. His children and Harry left early this morning to be with him. Lena, your father has asked that I send you home immediately, you will travel by portkey, Professor Snape will be accompanying you," he gave me a knowing look. "I am afraid, Miss Granger, your parents are expecting you on the express and so I cannot allow you to accompany Miss Black. You will, however, be able to travel later by knight bus, if you desire to do so." Hermione's hand was still wrapped tightly in my own and her nails bit into the soft flesh of my palm.

I hugged her strongly, wiping the tears from her cheeks, "He'll be okay, I promise," I turned to Dumbledore, "He will be okay wont he sir?" No expression crossed his face, but his eyes glittered in the candlelight. "He receives the best possible treatment at St. Mungos, Molly is by his side. I'm afraid, Miss Granger, I must ask you to leave, the portkey leaves soon and I have a small matter to discuss with Miss Black before she leaves." I hugged Hermione tightly, she couldn't speak and McGonagall guided her gently from the office.

"Professor?" he smiled weakly at me, "Lena, you should know I have asked Severus to…travel for me again. I assure you, he will be quite alright, Voldemort needs him now more than ever, he fears I am forming an army, he's not much wrong there I suppose," I smiled weakly.

So I was losing him again. Losing him to Dumbledore and this game he was playing.

There was a soft knock, and the door clicked close softly as a cloaked figure came to stand in front of me. "Headmaster, I'm here as instructed, I thought I was to leave this evening?" I stood, without a word, my eyes raking Severus's back, begging him to turn and notice me, but he didn't, so I stood silently, waiting.

"I must ask you to do one more thing Severus, I doubt you'll find it a difficult task," "Of course Albus, but what…"Dumbledore had motioned to me and I stepped forwards. Severus started on seeing me, "Miss Black." "Professor."

"Albus, what's the meaning of this?" "Miss Black must return home immediately, I wondered if you'd care to escort her, ensure she returns safely." Severus looked at me, the cold expression on his face softening, the warmth I knew so well filling his eyes." "Yes Professor, of course, Miss Black's safety is, as with all other students, of the upmost importance." "As I thought, very well, the portkey is set to leave in 10 minutes, I think that should be adequate for the necessary…goodbyes, I doubt they will be possible at your destination; Sirius always was a worrier." Dumbledore had risen from his desk and passed by me to the door. "A very Merry Christmas to you Miss Black, and all the best to your father." He winked down at me, "And the same to you Professor." He slid from the room with a knowing look at Severus and a sweeping glance at the portraits upon the walls.

"How long will you be gone?" my voice was quiet and I watched the muscles clench in Severus's back. "I have no idea Lena, it may be a few days, maybe a few weeks." "You'll miss Christmas." He nodded slowly and turned to face me, "If there was a way Lena," "No Severus," I reached forward and took his hands " you need to do this, I can wait right, always is a long time." I smiled up at him but his face remained stony as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. "Promise, when you're back you'll write me and let me know you're safe?" his arms were almost suffocating but I held on even tighter, feeling somehow that this goodbye meant something more, "I'll let you know when I'm home, maybe you could still come to Spinner's for a few days." I nodded, kissing him softly as I pulled away, "Be safe." He wiped a few stray tears from my cheeks and looked around nervously. "The portrait, Severus, we shouldn't have…" he smiled gently. "They've seen much worse Lena, Albus had an…acquired taste and he was quite the romantic in his day. They understand that this office calls for certain measures of confidentiality"

"That does not mean, traitor that I should not tell my great-great- grandson of this and if you think differently, you are sorely wrong." A large portrait above Dumbledore's chair looked angrily down at us. "Phineas, you know your place. You will not do anything of the sort, I'm afraid if you did, you may find yourself in another room in the castle after Christmas. I daresay the Hufflepuff's common Room would suit you greatly." I loosened my grip on Severus's hand and wandered forwards to read the little plaque beneath the raven haired figure. "We're related?" I looked up at the man's aging face to see my own eyes look back at me. "I'm afraid so young lady, and I expect better behaviour from the black family kin. Although with a father like yours, it's no wonder." I shook my head up at him, "My father's twice the man you ever could have been." I returned to Severus's side, kissing him gently once more.

"Ready?" I nodded as the room was filled with a soft humming as the teacup on Dumbledore's desk appeared to shimmer. As we each lay our hands on the cups chipped rim, my ears were filled with an angry buzzing and I was pulled away from the warmth of the headmaster's office and back towards the chilly hallways of home.

I landed in a heap on the kitchen floor, the cold stone bruising my hip. "Oh Lena!" Hands were helping me up and I struggled to me feet, pulling the zip of my hoody closer to my throat as an icy breeze whipped through the kitchen. Dad's arms were warm around me and he squeezed me tightly. "How is he?" "Molly's with him." Dad's voice was solemn and I squeezed his hand tightly. The kitchen was otherwise empty, but for the two men that stood glaring at each other bitterly in the corner.

"Remus!" I took his hand and led him from the corner, breaking the resentful staring match he shared with Severus. He pulled me into his arms and I felt his hands knot safely behind my back. "How are you doing?" I nodded in response and shrugged as I pulled away from him, registering a slight hissing noise from the corner. I stuck my hand out in Severus's general direction, "Thank you Professor, for everything." His face was sincere as he took my hand. "Merry Christmas Sir." I wished in that moment that we were alone, seeing the sadness in his eyes. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and kiss him till he smiled that gloriously easy smile he had. I wanted him to push me back onto the kitchen table and kiss every last inch of me until my skin tingled with the icy electricity that flooded my veins every time he touched me.

"Yes Snape, I think it's time you left." Dad held the kitchen door for him and Severus dropped my hand regrettably. "Merry Christmas Miss Black." As I watched him glide down the hallway to the front door, I felt the air leave my body, and I crumpled down into my favourite chair by the fire. He'd be back, safely, or he'd write like he said he would and then I could visit him at Spinner's end.

Everything would be alright. It had to be.

_There are no words to describe how sorry I am that I haven't uploaded. Everything has been crazy here and suddenly it's as if I'm living another life! Not only do I have Lena's boy troubles to worry about anymore, suddenly I'm surrounded by own! _

_Pleas bare with me as I adjust back to writing. It's the holidays now so we should easily be managing three chapters a week ;)_

_Thank you to all who have stuck with me, thank you for your continued support._

_Please continue to read, comment and favourite. _

_Share the story with as many of your friends as possible._

_Lots of Love to you all_

_Kat xxxxx_


	40. Chapter 40

Everything was quiet for the first few days, Molly spent most of her time at Mungos with Arthur and Sirius kept the rest of us busy at the house. Molly left a list of chores every morning and every one would be as tiresome as the next.

With Molly's absence, id taken to cooking with Kreacher but Monday night I gave him the night off, telling him that he should spend some time alone in the attic; the others had been cleaning it all weekend and I'd begun to tire of Kreacher mumbling about the "dirty blood traitors taking Kreacher things"

I was stirring a large cauldron of soup when Remus entered the kitchen, taking my favourite chair by the fire. With a flick of my wand a small silver tray of tea things flew to his side and we smiled lightly at one another as he helped himself to the streaming tea.

"I'm glad you're home, your Fathers missed you; I've missed you." I smiled at him shyly, "I've missed you too Remus." We both hurried ourselves to settle into our tasks, me chopping onions while Remus read a large volume of Chaucer's works. After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence, Remus spoke up, "do you miss him much?" I looked across at him, no expression showing on my face, "of course I do. How's Tonks?" I turned from him so he couldn't see the little flash of jealousy I knew would be obvious in my eyes. "Nymphodora is perfectly well." "Good." I turned back to him, noticing he was looking at me questioningly. "She has nothing on you Lena. I feel nothing for her." "It makes no matter to me Remus, I've made my choice." It was true, I had, but as expected, being back with Remus, I'd begun to redevelop the feelings I felt for him, his trinket box was in fact wrapped neatly in the scarf in my trunk. I knew I only dreamt of Remus because I longed for Severus, and the dreams I had at night only proved that.

The last few nights my dreams had been filled with images of myself lying in Severus's arms in spinner's end; I could only hope that these were visions of what was to come, not what could have been. I'd still had no word from him but I knew that it had only been a few days and he couldn't risk sending me word just yet, it would be too suspicious.

"How is everything Lena?" I looked at him sadly and shrugged. "I'm scared I guess. I'm sure Dad's going to work it out somehow" Harry already knew and I was pretty sure Hermione was close to working it out. Dumbledore definitely knew, as did Phineas Nigellus. How much longer could our little secret really remain secret?

"That can't be all that's worrying you Lena, I heard you screaming out last night, you woke me." It was true, last night I had been blighted with visions of Severus's crumpled body and there was somewhere deep within me that knew everything was going to be different on his return, something was going to happen; I just didn't know what.

"Can I talk to you Remus? I need to talk and I think you'll be the best listener, but please, don't judge me for it." He nodded and after stirring the chopped onions into the soup I crumpled onto the tiny sofa beside him. "I have this feeling; something awful is about to happen and I don't know what to do." He smiled encouragingly, "We all know things are changing Lena, the wars about to begin, it will be difficult for all of us, but we all know where we stand." "That's just it though; I don't know where I stand. I want to be by Severus's side of course I do, but what if he chooses the wrong side? Do I need to follow him? Would he follow me?" He frowned darkly, "Lena are you telling me you're going to follow Snape, no matter what he does? No matter the path he takes? You'd really consider it?" I looked away, shame bristling my skin. "We discussed it, me, changing, taking that side." "Lena, you can't be serious?" "I am, but Severus refuses to help me change. He's told me he'll follow me but I can't help feeling he's in too deep. Please Remus," He shook his head and his fingers splayed manically through his hair, a motion I'd become to associate with moments of great stress, "Please Remus, listen, if I do it, get…branded, I could follow Severus and play the spy."

"You don't get it Lena do you?! You're the greatest chess piece! You're Sirius's daughter! You'd never be truly accepted, certainly never trusted. You could be used against both us and Severus. Voldemort will kill you Lena! Never doubt that!" The tears spilled down my cheeks and Remus's arms wrapped around me safely. "Why can't it be easy Remus? Why have we all got to be part of this game? I wish it was simpler, if only Severus wasn't playing spy! If only I didn't love him!"

"Maybe you don't?" It was barely a whisper but his face was so close to mine he might have been shouting it" I shook my head vigorously; "You doubt it so often! Maybe you don't really love him, maybe you just think you do." I pushed myself away from his arms and mulling myself up from the sofa. "Is this it? The way it's always going to be?! You'll keep fighting me over this? I don't love you Remus! I love him!" "Who do you love Lena?" Dads voice was clipped and I whipped around to face him, "Dad!" His expression was cold and he glared down at Remus. "This isn't what you think Sirius." Remus tried to keep his voice calm but there was an edge of fear to it.

"Shut up Remus! This is exactly what I think it is! I'm not blind! My best friend is in love with my daughter, it's her I can't work out. Do you love him Lena?" I shook my head, wrapping my arms around myself, "no Dad." "Then who, the Twins?" I shook my head again. "No Dad" "Maybe we should leave this Sirius, Lena and I have already spoken about it, I'm being the foolish old man that I am, there's nothing between us, really." " The last time Lena was home, Kreacher told me he'd seen you together. I thought maybe time would put an end to it, I was obviously wrong." "No Dad" I rested my hands and he folded his arms. " I feel nothing for Remus, I doubt I ever have." It hurt when I said it and I knew what I'd said had torn Remus apart inside but he needed to hear it.

"Who is it Lena? Who are you in love with?" I shook my head, "You don't know him Dad, he's from school." "Why does it matter then, whether I know who it is or not?" "Please Dad, don't ask me, you'll kill him, if it doesn't kill you first. I'll put an end to it before I ever have to tell you!" "Remus knows!" I nodded sadly, not feeling I could lie to him about Remus. Dad leaped from my grasp before I could breathe and had pinned Remus to the wall within seconds. "DAD NO!" I pulled at him with all my strength, "If you can't tell me Lena, he will! He's already betrayed me! Tell me Remus! Who is it!" "PLEASE DAD!" His wand was at Remus's throat but Remus never took his eyes off me. "Tell me Remus, or I swear I'll rip your throat out with my bare hands! Its got to be bad right?" If Lena wont tell me! Its not that idiot that hurt you is it?" "No Dad of course not!"

"THEN TELL ME WHO IT IS DAMN IT!" His wand was biting deeply into Remus's throat now and the tears ran hot and heavy down my cheeks. "TELL ME LENA! TELL ME MERLIN DAMN IT OR ILL KILL HIM!"

"ITS SNAPE!"

Harry's voice cracked as he screamed at dad, Harry's own wand pushing Dad hard in the back. "Put him down Sirius!" Dad let Remus go slowly and Remus crumpled into a chair at the table. "Please Dad, " I pulled at his arm as I sobbed but he shrugged away and made for the door, "Please Dad!" My hand was tight around his arm but he whipped around quickly the hard skin of his palm meeting my cheek, causing it to seer with a prickly heat as I struggled to hold myself up. "You dirty little slut! That Cunt! How could you!? I want you out of this house! You're no daughter of mine!"

My stomach clenched in pain seeing the hatred in his eyes, there really was no love left there. I turned from him and Harry enveloped me in his arms. "Sirius you don't mean that!" Harrys grasp was steadfast around me, "Yes Harry I did! This is my house and we don't house whores here." Dad whipped around and strode from the kitchen without another word, leaving the three of us shaking with anger and shame.


End file.
